Sex 'n guns

Sex and guns.  What, pray tell,  is the possible connection between these two?  Well, I could take a few years and discover correlations – most of them having to do with bruised Ego and jealousy – but for me, there really isn’t any connection.  Those are just the two topics that have been on my mind lately.  Not actual sex, mind you (though I’ll fill you in on my Match.com adventure on later blogs…holy sweet Jesus), but rather how our culture views sex and those sinful body parts: Penis & Vagina.  You know, when you think about it, it is  our MINDS which are sinful…. Penis & vagina are just two demonized body parts.  As I begin my journey into the world of therapist – my ideal job would be that of sex therapist to teenagers. 

Wait!  Hold on a minute, let me explain.

I think many kids get such a horrible mixture of messages from media ("your breasts/penis has to be this big and when you orgasm you have to make this sound and facial expression") to parents  ("this should only happen with someone you love and here is the book Where Did I Come From?”) to school ("boys come in this room, girls stay in here – this is your penis, testicles/breasts/vagina – this is how it works, any more questions,  talk to you parents"). The bottom line is this: sex is a HUGE part of who we are, who we become, how we feel about ourselves and Google isn’t going to answer all the questions.  Sure, it can let your 17 year old son/daughter know all the symptoms of STDs, or how sex works, but who can they talk to about having difficulty in maintaining an erection?  Their friends? Who will your daughter confide in when she has a question about vaginal or clitoral orgasm?  No matter how parents feel, getting defensive in thinking, “Well, I’ve talked to my kid and they are staying abstinent!” Great!! Yet physiology usually wins out and our bodies were created for reproduction when they are at their prime, around 18 years old. Remember, you were a horny teenager once, too.

I am VERY open about sex and recall when I tried to ask my mom questions when I was a teen/in my 20s/in my 30s.  She A). didn’t know and/or  B). closed up.  This is not to say she didn’t want to be helpful, but so many people come from a childhood of “we don’t talk about those things”.   I would have given anything to be able to talk to an adult who didn’t fluster and turn red every time they had to say the word “clitoris”.  It is my strong belief that we must demystify beliefs created over the last millennium and honor sex for what it is: a natural and beautiful process.  It doesn’t have to be pornographic & we don’t need to feel shame about topics like masturbation.  As long as we don’t engage in such behavior in the canned goods aisle in Safeway it’s all good.

So, my goal isn’t to teach kids how to get each other off, rather to help him learn and treat his premature ejaculation or help her learn ways to ease the pain she feels when engaging in safe sexual behavior. It is important become educated in sexuality.

Guns.  Sorry, I have no smooth segue…. 

I am a teacher of young, beautiful people under the age of 7, so the recent tragic news events were devastating as I easily envisioned those precious faces.   

I’ve also been involved with and work with mentally ill and am fully aware at the fragility of the human psyche.  I cannot begin to understand what happened in his mind.  No one can explain the senseless tragedies that happen every day in this country, whether it be guns, drugs or alcohol, because they are just that: without sense. There are statistics about the number of alcohol deaths being more than gun violence deaths, yet those deaths are not congregated into one mass of victims as these shootings are.

I believe in the right to bear arms.  However, I feel the need to bear arms which can fire 30 rounds in 10 seconds is ridiculous.   

Again, per usual form, Americans tend to be very extreme in this regard.  We are becoming ever-polarized in our thinking, it is all or nothing, and this explains to me why common ground is rarely found.  The solution, as usual, is about compromise.  Guns like the AR-15 is great if you’re in the military (the reason it was initially created).  We do not need them elsewhere.  This is my opinion.  As for a total ban on guns?  I think that’s ridiculous and impossible and bad things will still occur.  On that same horrific day on December 14 in China, a man armed with a knife stabbed 23 elementary students at Chenpeng Village Primary School.

We cannot remove all those things which will harm us, but we do need to find a way to reduce possibilities of further tragedy.  Coming to an understanding of no more assault weapons for the general public could be one step.

match .com

I am not sure what happened to me last night... I know I wasn't under the influence of anything, other than lunacy, perhaps?? I signed up on Match.com. I suppose I am the ideal candidate for online dating: I am shy around people & tend to isolate. But really?? Online dating??! I know of  a few friends who swear by these sites - they have met, fallen in love, et cetera,et cetera. I am happy for these people. Really, I am. I also have 4 friends who have become engaged in the last month, and again, many salutations, but I doubt it will happen to me.

 I have a dear friend in my life and we have been each others life vests for while now. We had both experienced devastating break ups and happened to find each other at that time. I believe God puts people in our lives to help us through difficulties or teach us lessons. I keep learning many. As of late, someone else was put in my life so that I could see what I have been doing through a different perspective; suddenly I saw what I have done to my friend: He has been kept on  the back burner because he is comfortable, he is forgiving...and I am so wrong for doing that to him.

 I belong to a group of people who were dying. We feel it is imperative to make living amends for the wrongs we have done.When I look at my behavior with this friend, I am ashamed. There is a continued effort to make things right in my life & to not keep making the same mistake repeatedly, and so, with the perspective I was given on Christmas I will do my damnedest to make things right.


Which leads me right back to Match.com. Maybe that guy with the hundreds of beads around his neck and a site-name akin to "lookin for a good time" is the guy for me...or maybe not. Someone once told me I have loved and been loved a great deal, and I do have these two beautiful kids in my life, one of whom keeps trying to set me up, so far with a newly-separated smoker (he's not even divorced yet!!) and a gay man. sigh... Maybe I'll through caution to the wind and add my picture/profile to the site, and maybe not. It isn't as if once I walk through one door, it forever closes, does it?

Christmas present

The days of babies and toddlers seem to be long ago & Christmas has transformed into a different holiday now. Sadly, boxes and ribbons aren't as amazing as they once were. It seems I try desperately all year long to teach my Tribe about compassion and empathy, only to be self-consumed by a ridiculous guilt in not being able to give my kids some of the items other kids are getting.

Why?

Isn't that what I say I'm against? And why am I against wanting to belong in the first place? I'd be much more concerned if my kids could care less about the same issues which bothered me when I was their age. In my years as a teacher and a mom, I have heard many adults talking about wanting their children to stay away from certain kids. I've been one of those parents, too. Yet when horrible tragedies take place, and we always seem to hear the same remarks "he was always alone", "he didn't really fit in", then doesn't some of the blame hang on us? There are a lot of kids in this country whose home life is a nightmare. They don't come home to a warm house or laughing, loving parents. For some kids, school is their safety zone because there they experience some semblance of normalcy and consistency. Trying to eradicate kids picking on one another is trying to change human nature- it won't happen.

 I tell my tribe that they don't have to like everyone, but they do have to be kind. I also try to teach my children that it isn't about the price tag or the monetary value, rather it is the meaning behind something that counts. On our many road trips(two of them to Texas), I frequently burst into a song called "El Paso", by Marty Robbins. I don't remember the whole thing, but my kids know the first part of it very well. My daughter was thrilled to pieces to get the (used) Mary Robbins record I bought her at Amoeba Records in San Francisco. Unfortunately, it had "El Paso City" on it, and not "El Paso", but that is where iTunes saved us.

My son couldn't stop giggling about the $6 electric toothbrush I got him, and he also loved the Zippo lighter with his code name "TigerHawk" engraved on it. We recently watched HBO's "Band of Bothers" and he loved that the soldiers had Zippo lighters, so I gave him one. We had a wonderful Christmas Eve together; laughing, singing (to the Gypsy Kings) and dancing like mad to Run DMC. It was a very nontraditional/traditional Christmas celebration, so I suppose, in my own eccentric way, I'm teaching them how to be different enough to still fit it.