January 31, 2016

I was in haven last night – sitting in bed on a Saturday night and singing along at the top of my lungs to 80s hairbands before going to bed.  It really doesn’t get much finer than that…I looked for material for one of the kids I work with and spent time putting together some work sheets.  I made a really big, big mistake this morning.  My total-whole-super-healthy-sprout bread was no longer good, so I…had a helping or 5 of the cranberry crunch.  I am so ashamed of myself.  The month of January is gone – I have 4 months pre-Hipnic.  I think I should just buy bigger clothes – food is my lovah.

The boy was home around 10:30 and I spun some records as I did some minor cleaning.  We did laundry – important stuff that needs to be done.  This home is not going to be as spotless as I thought.  To be honest – size doesn’t make a bit of difference; it just takes longer to get from point A to point B.  I saw a video recently about things people regret most in life.  NOWHERE did it say having a cleaner house.  Things such as “ spending time with loved ones”, however, was frequent.  It’s too important to me to have adventures with me kids.  I 'm certainly ok by CPS standards, but Good Housekeeping may frown.  That's fine by me...

  

Maggie had asked if she could stay at her friends until 4 – Me: one-ish.  Mags: Two? 1:36.  Mags 1:46?  Me: Now?  :Mags: 1:36! And…I was there a minute early.  Then we hit the grocery store and headed home.  The sky was such a beautiful dark color, I was anxious to go hiking, but by the time we got home and had a few things accomplished it was almost 4 – far too late and on a school night, as my kids told me.  

Ethan and I took the dogs to get their nails filed (throw the ball on asphalt).  The sky grew more stunning – such a bright, cold blue on one side and an angry navy blue on the other.  We headed home and got some wood stacked by the front door.  I had some beef chili beef soup ready and we ate as we watched “Drumline”.  Maggie wasn’t anxious to see the movie I described as a "comprehensive history of drums as humanity’s first musical instrument, then traced through the centuries as a tool of communication as well as being used for spiritual means, ending up with a focus on music as we know it today, highlighting Neal Peart and John Bonham."  That was funny.

I heard from a boy form long ago.  I always love hearing from them as they have a special place in my heart.  This one was dreamy guy – late 80s style long hair and oh, so fine.  He wrote on my car windows with shoe polish and I remember never wanting to wash my car.   I think we ended well. I remember having to go to summer school and seeing him there – he had his new girlfriend who would eventually become his wife.  I even went to the celebration of their one year anniversary in a bar in Midland.  They are still married, which is such a nice thing to see!  They didn’t give up one each other like so many of us, self included, do.  We spoke of liking each other back then – but of insecurities and uncertainties and. how that was a factor in many ways.  This was in a time with  no Instagram or Facebook -where kids are inundated with so many subtle “you’ll never good enoughs.” Oh, those high school loves…

 

Pictures and videos: The Boy and I with the dogs - no that's not a leash, it's Annie's tail.  My beautifully Wicked Tree; Golden Tea with fresh turmeric and ginger; Lightening clouds; The Mother Hips, "Wicked Tree" after "Singing Seems to Ease Me", April 27, 2007 at Liquid Joe's in SLC, UT

January 30, 2016

I’d forgotten all plugs and chargers for phone/computer and the alarm clock in the room was set an hour ahead of time, plus I remember my last Diamond stay and the alarm going off in the middle of the night, so I left it alone and set my phone for 8:30…

…and woke up at 8:00 (of course).  I was in a rush to get going until I saw the coffee machine and then I slowed down enough to enjoy a delicious cup.  This is one thing I enjoy about the Diamond Hotel – delicious coffees, great Aveda hair products and it’s in the middle of downtown Chico. I enjoyed a lovely breakfast, overheard a lady ordering her breakfast “No this, she doesn’t do this, do they have this, exchange this for that” – it was funny as she was fake hair color, fake nails, fake tan.  After breakfast I headed to Melody Records and bought two Traffic albums, American Beauty by the Dead and Mother Hips, Pacific Dust. Then off to the beautiful Chico farmer’s market where I hung out with Kristi at her booth for a while.  Life is a Bitch sometimes, unfair - then it spits all over you, repeatedly.  

I needed to head home and get the puppies picked up by 2. During the drive home I noticed some really interesting cloud formations, which makes me realize that I have an “issue” at this point in my life.  I hope it passes fairly quickly.   I thought a nice hike would do me some good, even though I did plenty of mis-directed hiking last night in Chico.  I really like that town and have considered moving there a few times.  I think the sense of community would suit me well.   On the hike, I pondered, as I was looking for “a” song which has had a tremendous impact on my life.  This is a tough thing for me as I have so many genres I enjoy, but I finally found my Soul Song – “Burn Slow” by CRB.  During much of my life, I keep using music to try to find the answers, but I wonder if I am even asking the right question.

Home with the dogs.  I was turn between 3 things- the Ian Moore show, buying some records, or going to visit a psychic.  I’ve never seen psychic before – today on the phone my mom told me she visited a psychic because of her dog.  Now my mom is an avowed realist, and such news almost caused me to fall out of my chair, but I am open to much and do believe some people are in touch with their psychic abilities. Other people haven’t even made it far enough to pull their head out of their ass, but I’m posting videos instead of making political commentary, so I’ll let that one go.  I have many questions about Europe, about me, about a Him…but instead, I showered and went to grab some sushi.

A fire in the wood burning stove, my Mother Hips record and then some tv.  My weekend is rolling to an end.  I can’t wait to get into my bed.  

Pictures: Chico view from my room, 408;  My bill, Clouds in various states of arousal, Cronan Ranch, Heading home from Chico.

January 29, 2016

I was leaving half an hour early for work, so naturally my body woke up at 4:50. It’s great having a conscious and considerate body.

Work was amazing, as always.  I’ll miss working at juvenile hall when my time here is over.  I was finished at 1:30 and drove home in the rain and… HALLELUJAH!!  I GOT THE PAPERWORK AND WILL BE GETTING MY INTERN NUMBERS ON MONDAY!! I my puppies were happy to see me, even happier when I loaded them up in the car to head to a kennel.  I wonder if they really enjoy it there – Headed towards Chico when my ex-husband called.  Our son had told him this morning that someone whom he considered to be his best friend hadn’t invited him to his birthday party this weekend.  Last weekend, as we were hiking, he had told me how of the three friends he considers to be his closest friends, he could see the other two drifting away, but not this one.  Makes me sad….

My ex, not knowing much (if anything) about the Mother Hips,  heard I was going to a house party and told me to be careful and stay on alert and on guard.  That made me giggle.  Yes, there would be kegs here, but not exactly in the way I'm sure he was imagining. GPS naturally took me on another scenic route, but of course, I was still the first one there.  This made me grateful to have been semi-misguided, because heaven forbid I was there 15 minutes earlier...  It was also here, at  this gorgeous home overlooking Chico, filled with many people I do not know, that I remembered (once again, too late) that I get social anxiety when I am at such an  event.  My bouncy, exuberant self goes into hiding.

 The handful of people I knew soon showed up and I met a few others.  The show was stunning – with only acoustic guitars, Tim and Greg’s voices were highlighted unlike at Hips shows.  After it was over, I thanked the hosts and left, heading to my hotel in Chico.  It was so early (just after 9) and I felt guilty for leaving so early, but an adventure downtown would solve that.

I checked into my hotel and then walked Chico streets.  I intended to get something from a nearby Mexican place, yet consistently kept walking in the opposite direction.  So many kids at frat parties and bars… it makes me wonder if I want to send my kids to college, after all.

Pictures: Directions to the party; my form B from school; Tim and Greg at work; on the way...

January 28, 2016

Up at 4:00 –back to sleep, Up at 5:10, grudgingly got candles/incense burning and did my yoga.  My legs feels so weak and I don’t feel very yoga-ish.

It was a great morning of Yngwie.  I rocked left and right.  Ethan was my guitar for a bit as I wailed on his ribs…Maggie stared at me in sarcastic disbelief as I lip-synced words from an album I idolized far too long ago – and did a damn fine job of doing so.  Dropped them off at their work (school) with fond words.  They’ll be back in a matter of hours as dad has plans this weekend.

Off to juvenile hall where I planned to spend the whole day so I can cut short an hour and a half tomorrow to head to Chico.  I have been invited to participate in the Valentine’s Day treat exchange on the 12^th.  Very cool.  I enjoy working there – a place with different planes, to be sure.  I am there as a therapist – trying to help on one level; guards, POs are there on a different level.  All of us wanting to help these kids, but often from different angels. Interesting, to be sure….  I got a call from my neighbor.  The one day I leave my dogs outside (because I wouldn’t be home until past 7) and of course…I’m sure they’re barking.  Yet her firm (but cheery!) voice let me know AT&T needed to get into the back yard where a pole was – and no the dogs were fine (yay!)

On my way to the clinic, I stopped at the store and found frozen cranberries.  I have to make CC for tomorrow night’s event.  I also bought Perrier.  Stay classy, Chico.  Had a double appointment scheduled at 5:15 and managed to get lots filed before then.  I realized I forgot to buy a Snickers Bar for a kid who has a birthday at the hall, so I bought one as I headed home on a dark, rainy (perfect) night.

Left over burrito from last night was the perfect dinner and then I made two CC for tomorrow night (with a little mini CC for me).  The boy is going to a friend’s house tomorrow night and Mags texted that she’d be at a friend’s until Sunday, so I may check to see if I can drop the dogs off and then I’ll stay in Chico overnight.  Tomorrow I’ll head to juvie and half hour early so I can head out in time to be at the home  by 5. "It's gonna be great..."

Picture: Ball-Point Bird food (and beverage)

January 27, 2016

5:13 alarm – problem is, I didn’t wake up until 6:14.  It’s best to turn up the volume on your smart phone.

I received an email from one of the Swiss schools – yes they would enjoy a Skype interview and were interested in times/days which would be most convenient for me.  One foot in front of the other, girlie.

Wednesdays are my get-to-it days.  Drop kids off and zoom to work for an early client, then learning more about the computerized file-program we have (which means using the computer for all documents). Group supervision, which I wish would last for 5 hours instead of 2, then juvenile hall meeting, client, back to work to file reports with CPS and, and, and.  This is such a perfect day for me – a little bit of everything.

I headed to the store to go buy a can of sweetened condensed milk – I am making a last cranberry crunch (even though Ethan loves them now, but I have no more cranberries) for the Ball-Point Birds House Party Friday night.  At the store, I saw Rachel, who is quite special to me.  It was such a joy living next to her daughter, Amber, who passed away from a very aggressive uterine cancer on August 8, 2014.  Rachel is a gentle example of what humanity is like, despite great sorrow. She shows compassion to everyone and leads by example.  I hope to be like her when I grow up.

Home to my tribe.  Ethan had put chicken on the grill and we prepared a simple dinner together.  I received (what is to him) one of the highest compliments – it was delicious and tasted like KFC except it was healthy.  Yes, well…that is rather subjective, I suppose.  Mags told me about her day interning at The Body Shop in Placerville.  She was able to work the cash register, give people change back, & price items.  She loved the independence of meeting friends on Main Street and going to eat at a restaurant together.  Welcome to what life is like in Switzerland, my dear.  We watched some shows together as Mabi barked at a horsefly on the ceiling while Annie barked at a dog barking on the tv show.  It gets a little crazy here, sometimes.

Pictures:   Back to the basics - PB&J with pineapple marmalade from Costa Rica; Oh,  DSM-IV TR, we meet again; I was told by my supervisor that I have mastered Rogerian Therapy - so I got a sticker; a card my dad sent to my son for his birthday long ago.  I miss that man so much. He used to be called something else, but when Ethan was about ,  he said, "His name should be 'Pops'" and it has been that ever since.