February 2, 2015

When alarms go off in the morning, I react like ice on a hot iron pan.  This morning, I awoke with two hours left before my alarm was set to go off and I was so grateful…only panic set in about the alarm and it took me some time to fall asleep.  When it did finally go off, I jumped ..far too quickly for someone who just experienced what I’ve experienced.  Kids up…kids and I, out.  Kids to school, me to school.  Home sweet insanity.  As much as I knew I needed to take things slowly, I couldn’t not stand up and do my job.  I can’t just sit behind a desk.  This may have been a mistake.

After work, I headed down as quickly as possible to get the kids and then right back to the dentists’ office for my cavity (which may be two cavities, but they are right their facing each other and are so small, it mostly counts as one).  I went in and sat..and sat..and… decided to reschedule my appointment.  A small crowd of just under 2,300 people sat in the waiting area, all eagerly awaiting their  cleanings or filling or x-rays and such.  I didn’t want to take away from their enjoyment when they heard me shrieking in pain, so I figured I‘d go next Monday. 

In front of the market I sat, making phone calls to my doctor (“the pain is really bad after one day back at work and I will be missing work again tomorrow.  Is there something I can do??  Something I should do?!?!”)  I phoned my CPS person back (“confidential”), and I remembered all the things I needed to do at home, but first I did the shopping for the week, because I don’t myself going to Winco anytime soon.  I got a taco kit, because I thought Ethan said he really like those.  It confused me greatly when he said this, but in good faith, I fulfilled my part of the deal.  I also bought Maggie her cheese tortellini, which she has some love for.  I don’t understand…the only good melted cheese is on a nacho, but I try to love all those who are different and she is such

Once at home, I made the tacos…it turns out Ethan was referring to the homemade tacos I would make, not these boxed Old El Paso kits, but hey, it’s Old El Paso!  Then, to satisfy my inexplicable all day craving, which I later discovered made perfect sense, I got tator tots, because it’s National Tator Tot day!  Ethan and I both understood the gravity in honoring a national day as he and I sat down to eat our tots whilst learning more about Nature, Ireland’s Wild River, the Shannon.  Maggie was in her room, doing her nails and didn’t care to join us, which is fine.  He’s in a rare form tonight, that boy.  His eyes are sparkling with mischief and despite having done homework and having spent the day in school, he seems happy and carefree.  It has been wonderful having him here with me, going on week three.  Earlier, he found a website for me which helps when moving to a different country, pointing out all the little forgotten steps.  I was wondering where my helper was, to help me navigate this tremendous thing I want to do – move across the ocean, find a job, find a home, get my kids into school..and maybe that person has been here the whole time.  Thanks, buddy.

Which brings me to my last post.  I heard something on Nature today which resonated with my Being.  We are so disconnected from Nature today….  We have air conditioned homes and cars in the summer, heated homes and cars in the winter.  We need not walk far, we need not even really exert ourselves much, depending on our jobs.  We are no longer connected with the cyclical pattern of the seasons.  We can buy the same food all year round - it is no longer seasonal eating.  Seasons are even losing their cycle.  Our years rush by faster and faster – even my children have mentioned this and I remember being their age – the year lasted forever!  Something has got to change, but I’m not sure that it will. 

Pictures: Annie needed to be close to Ethan during Nature;  the track at school; Annie crawled into Ethan's sweatshirt, and maneuvered into the arm sleeve:  she looked like a bicep;  Our celebration of Tator Tot day!!