February 6, 2015

Kids off to school on this Friday – two weeks of bed for me, and I am feeling much, much better.  Once I got home, I decided to make the most of my last day and I grabbed files out of my filing cabinet (which is going in the yard sale – I don’t need a filing cabinet, especially after today) and got busy.  

I went through almost forty years of paper work – all of my report cards are were saved.  I was not necessarily a great student.  I never lived up to my “full potential.”  After my head injury they got even worse – Ds, Fs (although to be fair, I got Ds in Switzerland, pre-accident).   Medical records are in there, from the time I was knocked down by our opening gates at age 4 and had my ankles stuck under them, the time Missy our horse knocked me over around age 10, stood on my thigh and stared at me, my car accident at 16 and the subsequent psych evals.  There were 5 psych evals, I believe.  In one I was diagnosed with dementia due to the TBI, in another I was Borderline Personality Disorder.  Another went into the two personalities I have – Ilona, who has morals and knows right from wrong, and Ali, who likes to shock and push the envelope as far as possible.  I dunno, I tend to agree with that last one.  <smile>   It was tough going through a lot of this – so many apology letters to family for who I had become, so many memories of all the wrongs I did.  It felt good to bag those memories up and save it for burning material.  Burn, baby, burn….

I was on my way to pick up the kids, the rain was cautiously holding back for some reason.  I received a phone call just as I pulled in from a friend whose daughter was sick at preschool, his car was having lights installed and his fiancée was at school, so we headed to pick up our favorite little friend so Maggie would have someone to mother while I went to meet my client.  It’s a good thing to do something to help others once in a while and to show your kids about helping others.  

I waited at my practicum site and met another amazing therapist.  My client never showed up, which I had intuitively sensed was going to happen.  There was just something odd in the way she told me she would call me if they couldn’t make it to this week’s appointment (which never happened).  I headed home and the kids and I decided we would play Carcassonne, yet by the time we got everything figured out (somewhat), we decided to make a store run for a necessary stormy-Friday-night-at-home and by the time we made it back home, interested for my two went in different directions.  Ethan was busy watching You Tube directions on how to create BMX wax for grinding and Maggie was watching Parenthood or something like that, plus practicing singing, so I watched Nature…all alone (except I’d call Ethan in occasionally for support when it looked like a bear cub would be killed).  The life of a single woman on a Friday night:  kids may be home, but they’re busy with their own lives, nonetheless. <smile>

Later that night, as I was in bed trying to read my novel, The Tiger’s Wife (which I just can’t into, despite awards it has won), Ethan came in, his face absolutely glowing with joy.  He had made a perfect bar of BMX grinding wax (to be honest, I don’t even know what grinding is, but I support him 110%).  Earlier he had also tried his copper pipe firecracker cannon (it shot a marshmallow) and it had also worked well.  He was so thrilled at the outcome of his hard work!  This is such an imperative point in his young life. Lately he has been “different”: excited, happier, more motivated and I think I know of a contributing factor and must agree, those hormones do add a spring into one’s step – but I also hope it’s because he sees potential, not only in himself, but in life.  We talked for quite a while last night – it was magical to me, the circle completing itself of when I’d stay up late talking with my mom or dad.  

Pictures: The view from the therapy room at my practicum site; 39 years of paperwork; Raindrops keep falling; A beautiful old barn, falling to pieces.