May 28, 2015

My stomach was on edge all night long and therefore sleep wasn’t great.  Still…that bed, those sheets.  My exsmil, who stays here while I’m away, said it’s the most comfortable bed she’s slept in and wanted to know the brand (Serta).  

I dropped the kids off at school, but it was an interesting morning before leaving.  Since I wasn’t going to work, I was in bed and therefore there was little action in the kitchen.  I had to tell Ethan we were leaving in 20 minutes before he moved.  Makes me feel like the life of the party.  <smile>  Once at home, I went back to sleep for a few hours until I could sleep no more due to back pain.  Holy hell, at this age if it’s not one thing it’s another and I’ve just started this journey.  I need to switch something up.

I am nervous.  Something in my universe is off and I am not sure what it is.  I’m into that deep cyclical thought-pattern which offers no solution, only repetition.  There is no finish line..only death.  There is no point at which everything “from here on out” is ok.  I keep thinking after tomorrow, stress will ease up, but that isn’t true.  There will be another stressor to fill this ones place.  I’m not a good employee…I’ve never been happy with where I am, and I’m terrified that won’t change with my career move.  Though I have to say..today I did “group” (only one kid showed) with a kid I know.  Because it was only him, we were able to go further with group and I enjoyed it – it came so naturally.  He enjoyed it – he opened up.  Of course, there is the paperwork (I started learning the computer component today), but I think I can do this.  I hope I can do this.  If there is a place to do it in.  Hence, the nervousness.

 

Home to my kids at a decent time.  Stomach still not great, but not like yesterday.  I tried cooking dinner, but that was  no-go.  The ex and the exmil both came over and I’ve arranged the CalPine week and HSMF/CostaRica with her.  I forgot the kids are going to San Diego with her so the scuba window just got a lot smaller. We only have the first 2 weeks in June.  I hope that works.  

Ethan just made me a bacon bowl.  It should have been horrible for my stomach but somehow the bacon won out.  Then he made a bacon bowl with egg, cheese sandwich.  Ohmygodyum.  Real food.  So I told him to go make me one.  I’m still waiting as he devours his.  I gave birth to that kid: eternal scar and he’s sitting here laughing with food.  Bastard.<grin>

Pictures:  The relationship begins.  I'm excited - this means a road trip to Santa Cruz!; Kombucha batch 3 "at work" and I bottled batch 2; Box breathing has been speaking to me; The bacon-bowl sandwich Ethan enjoyed.