February 19, 2016

Five.  Five o’clock in the damn morning.  Fridays I have to get up early with Mags and I guess my brain sets its own alarm clock and thus, after a night of horrid sleeping because I was so cold, I was up.

Got Mags to school with Erasure and, since E was sick yet again, I made it to juvie with Van Hagar – for a minute - before it was back to Van Halen.  Made it in to work, but ,my god – the coffee before last night’s Parent Project was not a wise idea.  Usually coffee has little effect in keeping me up, but not always…not last night.  

The day was…exhausting, but so rewarding…so damn rewarding. 

Ran by the office to fax in a CPS report and talked to my supervisor and then…off to the bank to pay a bill.  In all this “moving” chaos, I never received a bill (thanks, USPS, who has not delivered a majority of my mail) and..one was 18 days late.  Blech.  At least it won’t affect my credit score (my FICA score is my trophy-wife).  Sadly, I didn’t have my check book with me, so home to gather that and chit-chat with the Boy.  He was on the phone with his dad about his new plan and L was really happy and supportive to hear it.  I grabbed my check book and headed off.  Bills paid, a store run and then home, home, home….

 I made my next attempt at chili for Hipnic.  It’s a little too spicy but a cool guy helped me with a selection which I could not make on my own.  We sat together – me watching SN and him designing things to make.  We’re going to build a workbench soon; he found the “perfect” place to put it in the garage….  Yup – I guess we will be here for a minute.

Pictures: Regrets; Chili

February 18, 2016

Another 5:20 wake-up, another morning of van Halen.  VH and I go way back and like to reunite every once in a while.

Another successful drop-off at school and another successful day at JH. I was told this evening by a colleague that it is funny how I am so excited to be at this facility when, for so long, it was a place no one wanted to be placed in.  I’ve got a couple more weeks and have already begun my silent state of mourning in leaving.

The kiddos had a science fair today, so I headed over to support my children in their love of science.  The exciting thing here is that last night we had a Big Storm and many trees were downed, which meant many lost power.  The school (upper campus at least) lost electricity  - yet still, they were able to forge ahead.  I saw Ethan’s Rube Goldberg contribution and Maggie’s Fluorine paper (which wasn’t part of the science fair but her contribution wasn’t able to print out as there was no power).  The Girl loves and enjoys school, but it was this portion of the year that he, The Boy Who Doesn't Care For School,  has enjoyed building and creating. 

Headed home after to the joys of our new Instant Pot.  Ethan dared to utter the words – “Ohh, we can have good food now!” But he said it with a  grin as he watched for my reaction.  This thing has a pressure cooker and can heat up a pot roast in very little time.  I will admit, it is going to help me with my secret chili recipe for Hipnic.

Off to what I found out would be my last night of Parent Project – I will either get additional clients or work less hours.  I'll miss working with my J-Ber (who else will give her bra issues to worry about??) and I will miss interacting with all these parents.  I headed home, where my Girl & my Boy waited for me.  My Sweet Daughter had made the protein pancakes for me, so I wouldn’t have to cook  when I got home late from group.  Love that girl.  The Boy had  something he wanted to  talk to me about – he has decided that purchasing a dirt bike may not be the smartest decision as it is expensive and would take a long time to save for, plus it can only be done at certain times.  Instead, he told me, his passion is taking things apart and creating things, and he’d like to build a workbench with me and then buy tools to make things – even possible starting a YouTube channel where there is the small potential of earning some money.  I love this idea.  This is where Ethan blossoms as he is telling me about possibilities he has.  This is also how he learns.  Now that we are here for a minute, I guess it’s time to unpack a bit and settle down for the lessons.

 Pictures:  Boy at the fair; Tree at group; Maggie's fluorine; Springter blossoms (it's technically still winter)

January 4, 2016

I think making mistakes is probably one of my favorite things to do.  When I do this, I (hopefully) learn something in a profound way and there is nothing I like better than a good, hard, profound kick in the ass.  Am I going to change the way I feel?  Doubt it.  Do I try to please other people?  Not unless it’s their birthday or a similar event, and then only briefly.  I learned long ago that I am in this game alone: there are loved ones who will support me along the way for varying amounts of time, but this is my book and I get to write it.  However, in life, as we age gracefully, we learn about a thing called compromise and now I have been taught an incredible lesson about how to combine compromise with my passion in helping others.  I am a therapist – I should not take sides on subjective topics, rather I must attempt to alleviate difficult circumstances for individuals and families by facilitating self-discovery in  solutions which blend with their ideals and lifestyles.   In working as a therapist I must learn to keep my opinion on sensitive topics to myself, for fear of harming the client (one of the most important aspects in therapy is joining with the client so they trust their therapist enough to work through difficult issues).  As I was sharing with Ruth this evening, differences in religion and politics divide people – it is my job to help people come together.   I am going to do my damnedest to stay out of such topics and instead I will focus on music or writing or art: things which bring people together and help them to temporarily forget the reality which is so divisive and cruel.  I also won’t mention anything about the Dallas Cowboys (joking – I stopped with football when I moved to CA)  Baseball, however, is fair game (even year next season).

Juvenile Hall this morning – wonderful.  I truly enjoy that population. I’m back Wednesday through Friday.

I am so behind of computer lessons at work (A new system) – all which were due by January 1^{st -}  while I stuck my head in the proverbial sand.  It has not disappeared.  

Someone contacted me – a friend who knows I’m in recovery, and asked for help.  So I gave it, to the best of my ability.  I remember that horrible dark road and it is a journey I never wish to relive.  I counted my days of sobriety this evening:  1^st time 56 (it took 2 years to get back); 2^nd time 1,447 (it took 7 years to get back) and today I have 4,101 days sober.  I have poor math skills, but by my calculations it would take me a hell of a long time to make it back, if I ever did.

I’m still awfully dizzy.  I wonder if I’d be put on the DEAs watch list if I purchased another box of Sudafed?

Picture:  Into the Darkness