February 7, 2015

Wrote my 5-a-Day gently in the beautiful gray morning light yesterday morning.  It seemed easier once I was rested, but now, seeing it happening in day 2 makes me worry that I’m starting a new trend – writing in the morning instead of night.  I just can’t do that.  It was a day to get 2 adventures done (1per child), so we all slowly arose from our resting spots and gathered in the kitchen.

There was a dog vaccination appointment at 1-1:30, but the gray skies looked so inviting.  Still, there wasn’t time , so I reorganized the area under the sink and, with sadness, laid out a trap.  Ethan said he had heard Visitor scrambling around the night before.  I hate having to do this, but….  At the appropriate time, we gathered the necessary participants , loaded up the car, and headed out.  Annie was so excited for our new adventure she yammered and howled the whole way.  This dog is quite vocal.  The rain was starting and my ice-skating car doesn’t do well in the rain at all.  It seems to be getting worse, even.  It can’t be tires, I have new ones, so I’m lost.  I just drive slowly.  I parked and we hung out a bit, then I looked at the flyer: 4-4:30. <gulp>  I laughed, but the kids were not very amused.  Headed into next-door Save-Mart to grab milk (this is key) and a few other items.

Once at home, I started doing yard work as the place looked overrun with leaves.  I was thrilled to see that the milkweed had tiny new shoots and wasn’t dead.  I also measured my window for new blinds <really> and then I measured outdoors for a trellis idea I have.  Ethan and I headed to Home Depot .  Once there, he went his way to get the items he wanted for his project and I went my way.  I’m not sure why I rarely remember this when making lists, but I do not have a truck – I have a Mazda CX-7.  I am not sure how I expected a  8’ by 4’ trellis o fit in my car, especially in the pouring rain, but thankfully the gentleman assisting me brought this up before I purchased it <smh>.  Off to find the blinds!  Here I am also baffled, because I was unable to find the cheap blinds installed by most landlords.  I grabbed a set of ”faux wood” blinds, instead, 29 inches since my window measured 31 inches.  I figured the inch on each side was ok.  Off to find my boy.  Here I enjoyed our bonding moments as we looked for parts.  He had a specific question which I was unable to answer, so I suggested he ask someone there.  “No!  I hate asking people questions….”  Oh, Ethan – I hope you learn soon that asking is the most wonderful and necessary tool.  I love asking questions, I love learning from the wisdom of others.  An older gentleman was standing nearby and he approached me. I love these moments.  I asked, he answered, we started talking and wandered over to the drill bit section.  <At this point, I would like to point out that I was asking about something which Ethan was making which is perfectly okay to make.  I have just  learned that here are some aspects of what he may or may not have purchased in a different state which are illegal in California and may or may not land me in jail.  Fortunately, he is able to make something from matches which does the exact same thing, so from here on out, we are talking about the creative DIY items he creates from matches – got it?>  Looking back, it may not have been wise to share info that I did with the HD guys (I spoke with 2 of them).  This is probably a large part of why I am not a successful drug dealer or other person who deals with illegal things and gets away with it.

Once we got home, I was excited to put up my new blinds.  Ethan helped me remove the old ones, and…  it was far too short.  I seem to have remembered the wrong measurement (yes, I wrote it down) and now the blinds were about 3 inches too short on either side.  Dadgummit.    So, Mags and I started on the next project – which was the petit fours and suddenly it was time to go back to the dog appointment, so Ethan and I went and left Mags baking.  As we waited in the parking lot (it was a discount vet clinic) the rains got heavier.  By the time they arrived and set up, it was pretty bad.  I was soaking wet within 10 minutes of standing in line, but my god, what an exhilarating adventure to stand and be soaked.  I loved every minute of it.  Ethan sat in the car and at the appropriate time, helped me being the dogs out. 

The cake looked great, and as it cooled, we ate our pot roast dinner and watched Nature.  Mags and I got busy then assembling and finishing the petit fours.  I’d love to have a lemonade/petit fours stand this summer.  We packaged a lot of them up and delivered to neighbors.  It is here that Ethan realized Maggie had finished off 4/5s of the milk since we had purchased it 6 hours before.  We have to set up some sort of milk monitoring system.  The rest of the night was nice – Ethan wanted me to watched Rescue Dawn with him (which he had already seen 3 times).  Another war movie with my boy.  Loved it.  I think it is so important to share in these types of things with my kids, whether or not it is “my cup of tea” or not – it is about sharing and supporting.  I love my tribe.  

Pictures: Soaking wet from the outdoor vet clinic.  Loved it; The blending of my two projects today.  For whatever reason, pictures of the other project will not be posted; The assembling of the 3 layered petit fours; The final product.  We need to make more pourable fondant next time, but they were delicious.

February 6, 2015

Kids off to school on this Friday – two weeks of bed for me, and I am feeling much, much better.  Once I got home, I decided to make the most of my last day and I grabbed files out of my filing cabinet (which is going in the yard sale – I don’t need a filing cabinet, especially after today) and got busy.  

I went through almost forty years of paper work – all of my report cards are were saved.  I was not necessarily a great student.  I never lived up to my “full potential.”  After my head injury they got even worse – Ds, Fs (although to be fair, I got Ds in Switzerland, pre-accident).   Medical records are in there, from the time I was knocked down by our opening gates at age 4 and had my ankles stuck under them, the time Missy our horse knocked me over around age 10, stood on my thigh and stared at me, my car accident at 16 and the subsequent psych evals.  There were 5 psych evals, I believe.  In one I was diagnosed with dementia due to the TBI, in another I was Borderline Personality Disorder.  Another went into the two personalities I have – Ilona, who has morals and knows right from wrong, and Ali, who likes to shock and push the envelope as far as possible.  I dunno, I tend to agree with that last one.  <smile>   It was tough going through a lot of this – so many apology letters to family for who I had become, so many memories of all the wrongs I did.  It felt good to bag those memories up and save it for burning material.  Burn, baby, burn….

I was on my way to pick up the kids, the rain was cautiously holding back for some reason.  I received a phone call just as I pulled in from a friend whose daughter was sick at preschool, his car was having lights installed and his fiancée was at school, so we headed to pick up our favorite little friend so Maggie would have someone to mother while I went to meet my client.  It’s a good thing to do something to help others once in a while and to show your kids about helping others.  

I waited at my practicum site and met another amazing therapist.  My client never showed up, which I had intuitively sensed was going to happen.  There was just something odd in the way she told me she would call me if they couldn’t make it to this week’s appointment (which never happened).  I headed home and the kids and I decided we would play Carcassonne, yet by the time we got everything figured out (somewhat), we decided to make a store run for a necessary stormy-Friday-night-at-home and by the time we made it back home, interested for my two went in different directions.  Ethan was busy watching You Tube directions on how to create BMX wax for grinding and Maggie was watching Parenthood or something like that, plus practicing singing, so I watched Nature…all alone (except I’d call Ethan in occasionally for support when it looked like a bear cub would be killed).  The life of a single woman on a Friday night:  kids may be home, but they’re busy with their own lives, nonetheless. <smile>

Later that night, as I was in bed trying to read my novel, The Tiger’s Wife (which I just can’t into, despite awards it has won), Ethan came in, his face absolutely glowing with joy.  He had made a perfect bar of BMX grinding wax (to be honest, I don’t even know what grinding is, but I support him 110%).  Earlier he had also tried his copper pipe firecracker cannon (it shot a marshmallow) and it had also worked well.  He was so thrilled at the outcome of his hard work!  This is such an imperative point in his young life. Lately he has been “different”: excited, happier, more motivated and I think I know of a contributing factor and must agree, those hormones do add a spring into one’s step – but I also hope it’s because he sees potential, not only in himself, but in life.  We talked for quite a while last night – it was magical to me, the circle completing itself of when I’d stay up late talking with my mom or dad.  

Pictures: The view from the therapy room at my practicum site; 39 years of paperwork; Raindrops keep falling; A beautiful old barn, falling to pieces.

February 5, 2015

After dropping off the kids, I’m at the doctor’s office again – this time for a new note which isn’t open-ended.  This was understood, because I have to go back to work (I was going to go today) Monday, but she also told me to restrict myself and take a break when I needed it.  We’ll see how that goes.

That being said, I am out of sick hours and may not go to Hipnic.  I’m not sure yet.  I’ll have to see which way the wind is blowing.  I will still buy my tickets, and I do have a Thursday night spot reserved, but  I’ll have to determine if it’s in the cards or not.

I headed to The Place to go pick up medication I didn’t get yesterday, and while I was here, I picked up a “Happy Marriage!” card with a tinny Taylor Swift voice serenading from inside a sardine can when the card was opened, because really?  How else can one celebrate love?  I also grabbed a box of sparkly fake white rose petals so they can shower themselves with rose petals.  It seemed a very apropos gift.  Add in a Lionel Ritchie poster and it would have been perfect, but one can dream.  I headed home and gratefully got into bed.  

In reflecting(since I was awake), I looked at the changes in the last few weeks.  Ethan learned a great deal from his internship – he really seems to have a new outlook on life.  Maggie has started shaving the pits.  Ethan announced yesterday morning that he truly enjoys getting up on his own :  he feels he has a lot more time to do the things he needs to do for himself, which is an important skill to learn.  I think both of my kids have turned an invisible corner emotionally – they seem to take a different perspective on life.  Maggie is starting to become much more private, needing time alone, Ethan is exploring possibilities and reaching out.  Phases...beautiful phases.

At the appropriate time, I headed to school to pick them up; Ethan finally logged in his volunteer hours.  Once at home, I made the fantastic discovery that we have another visitor…it’s the damn dog food.  So I cleared every out and set some traps.  Here we go again.  This is the reason I’ve subconsciously been buying more peanut butter.  I wish all my parts communicate with each other better.

Pictures:  My sweet bed being touched by the sun;  Branches reaching towards the sky

February 4, 2015

I am very ashamed of what I am about to say, for it verifies that I am a sham, a hypocrite, but this morning is the first morning that both of my children got up on their own accord (that I can recollect – though it may have happened the morning after I gave them their alarm clocks a few years ago).  I was hitting the snooze button on the alarm ,again, and again.  When I’m not 100%, I don’t mind being a snooze-button person.

I dropped the kids off and headed straight to the doctor’s office – where I noticed an empty lot.  Hunh.  It says “Open at 8” …maybe I’ll check the website.  Yup, open at 8.  I’ll head to the other office.  I found a beautiful parking space in front, got out of my car and walked right in…to an office meeting they were having.  Every.Time.  I was told to be back at 10, so I headed home and got back into this soul mate I call a bed.

At 10, I was back, and it seems that my infection just isn’t healing up very quickly.  I was given 2 more days and minimal walking…which could end up kicking me in the ass, because I can’t go back to school until I’m at 100%.  I’m going to need to get back in touch with the doctor and a more specific diagnosis.

As Ethan and I sat and worked on his homework, I reached a high point, and then quickly plummeted to the earth.  Ecstasy was reached as I made and ate a small plate of nachos.  My tasted buds were so excited that I made another.  OHMYGAWD, it was so good.  I have said goodbye to La Bodega nachos (most unfortunately) and I think I have found that sometimes, second (or fifth) place isn’t so bad.  I plummeted when I tried to install Google Chrome on my new Dell and got a virus, instead.  I couldn’t do a damn thing - black screen.  But this, too, lead to another highlight.

I had texted my computer friend, who got back to me and we joked around as we always do.  At one point, I offered him my child, to which he responded that he had too many kids since he got married and had inherited another one.  He wasn’t kidding.  HE GOT MARRIED!!!!  I am so very happy for him and this proves to me that love is still around.  He got my computer up and running, Ethan was absolutely amazed in watching him repair my computer from his house 30 miles away.  So, a good ending to the day, after all:  my new Dell is AWESOME and love still exists.

Pictures:  Ethan's savings jar.  He wants subwoofers and amplifiers; Mabi looking at the ball she ouot under my dresser, trying to coax it out with her eyes; Annie sleeping on Ethan while he did homework..