August 15, 2014

●  5 hours of sleep just doesn't cut  it for me.  I talked to one of the kids today, telling how a woman in China legally married her bed & I understood it completely:  it supports you, is always there for you, sleeps with you every night, is always willing to hold you.  I told him I’m deeply considering doing the same thing, but he doesn't think I'll do it.  Humph.  We’ll see about that.  After being able to participate in the fabulous nationwide “WhatIBe” Project, I finished up my story this morning, minutes before the deadline.  I have struggled in writing this and I couldn’t understand why, since writing brings me peace.  As I forced words onto the paper, the answer suddenly came to me.  Steve, the photographer who created WhatIBe had given me the word “Foundation”, drawing the words "Grow Up Already" on my face.  It didn’t “feel right” at the time, but I have learned over the many moons to stop questioning what doesn’t seem to fit my definition and have Trust in the Universe.  This morning, the answer came:  “My foundation gave me the intrinsic ability to fight.  I may not know the exact path I belong on, or feel that I fit in, but I am often told that my words are inspiring to others.  In writing this, I am beginning to understand that the path ISN’T always lit, sometimes we must feel our way through.  I do belong.”

● Work was off to a roaring start, but there’s niceness to it.  Just slipping back into those shoes again, but this year I’m going to do my damndest to be more…more assertive, ask more questions, stop feeling like I don’t fit and MAKE myself fit.  Things are shifting in my life, changing.  Magic is underfoot.  I noticed something today which brought back the fondest of childhood memories: knotweed.  It took me back to the garden or the vast back yard, having to pull weeds.  As much as I hate to admit it, that chore really did help in building my character because it taught me something about putting effort into my work.  Knotweeds are tricky:  if the ground is dry, the root stays safely underground where it  re-energizes to grow once more.  To effectively remove it, I had to water the soil, wait, then carefully grasp it as close as I could to the ground and pull it up in a twisting fashion, getting the “knot” (root) out.  It takes patience, perseverance, a willingness to follow direction and work.  I need to plant some knotweed  so I can get my kids to pull them. <wink>

● After work, I headed home and after I peed, I CRASHED into bed. <on the pee note, I’m peeing so much as I’m juicing that I’m grateful it’s impossible to get calluses from over-peeing.  Tmi??>   I couldn’t understand the complexity of my exhaustion, but I sure as hell listened.  An hour later, when I awoke, I felt I’d been drugged, struggling to the sofa and collapsing amongst the pillows.  That’s when my addiction kicked in again and images of melted cheese floated through my head.  Which way?  Burrito or nachos?  I figured protein would be good, so I decided on burrito, but then I noticed it was already 7.  I HAD to take the pups to the park quickly.   I already felt guilty for planning to eat, I needed to save some karma and give the dogs what they needed.

 

●The restaurant parking lot was PACKED!  I was seeing this as a sign…except…there was one open parking spot right in front of the restaurant entrance.  <ding ding ding!  WINNER!>  There were train rides taking place, and as I left, I noticed tents and booths in the back parking lot for the  huge fundraiser/opening day (??) for the local  Jr. football league.  I sat in the front booth, which usually holds menus and read about Rastafarianism, Haile Selassie, Jah, the Yazakis and other topics which interest me.  I miss discussions.  I was FULL halfway through my dinner, but in true Mexican Food Porn Addict fashion, I finished.  So much SALT!!  After a week of no sodium at all, it tastes as if I’ve been sipping Dead Sea soda.  I should’ve gone for nachos.  Still… I feel better emotionally.

● And now…I sit here in bed, on a Friday night, excited about sleep.   This weekend, I plan on finishing homework for the class I’m currently in and that’s about it.  I’d love to plan an adventure with the kids next weekend.  It’s been a while since we were in SF, but it’s also been a couple months since I’ve had a paycheck.  ;)  So we’ll see, maybe Tahoe, who knows.  That’s what’s cool about living here…so many choices.

Picture: Wooden figurine at my table, Que Viva Mexican Restaurant, Cameron Park, California.  I've been coming here since Ethan was 4 months old.