August 16, 2014

● I awoke around 4 (alarm wasn’t even set this morning), and felt so damn good being able to go back to sleep knowing there was no reason to arise.  This is fortunate because when I did actually get up, I successfully accomplished nothing for quite some time.

●  I made a large batch of juice from a mishmash of all sort of green leaf vegetables and one lemon.  It was not tasty at all and my stomach was quite angry with me.  Still…I had to get back to the plan, right?  I really don’t care to talk about my lunch, but to make up for it, I didn’t have dinner (my actual  plan last night was to eat the burrito and then nachos, but I was so overcome with the salt and full from the burrito that I squashed that idea).  I was sad at lunch (I’m still not going to talk about it) because it wasn’t as good as I thought and this depresses me tremendously.  I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t engage in “Other Physical Activities”, for the love of everything sacred, can’t I at least enjoy the couple of Mexican restaurants out here since I can’t get to Midland???  For gawd’s sake, the only sensorial pleasure I get is from food, please don’t take that away from me.

● I needed to grab a few things near the area I’m not discussing.  I walked in the store noticed an elderly Indian woman in her late 70s, wearing traditional clothing with her sari wrapped around her.  She was swinging in the chair, her feet going back and forth not touching the ground like a small child.  Seeing that made me so happy and I smiled..until a Nickelback song came on over the store’s PA system.   Then I felt nauseous.  It got worse when a woman in the next aisle starting belting out vocals right along with Chad Kroeger.  

● Spent the rest of the day working on a project, listening to 70s tunes.  I remember when I was a little girl, I hated everything about the 70s..the cars, the music, the clothes.  Now I can’t get enough of it.  

● I was the only single person again at The Place I Will Not Mention Because I Refuse To Talk About It.  I’m so accustomed to being solo I wonder if it is even in me to partner with someone again.  Tanti was alone for decades, my mom swears she’s not interested in being with another man….  Genetically speaking, I’m screwed. <grin>   I have come to terms with the fact that my voluptuousness is going to stay with me until I lose my heart to someone.  Heart palpitations are the only thing that causes my appetite to diminish. I’ve gotten accustomed to these boobs and their size, having learned my way around them, so I might as well embrace them and this body.  I’ll just have to buy stretchy clothes.  Long evening at home, experiencing difficulties with my project, but the singing along with Stevie Wonder, Neil Young, etc. made it all worthwhile.  Pictures of my project when they become available.  Tomorrow morning is Amber’s memorial service at Cozmic Café. <3

 

Picture: Highway 89 on the drive home from Quincy, California's High Sierra Music Festival