● Despite fervent attempts to get to sleep earlier, it was
next to impossible for me to do so, so when the alarm went off this morning, I
set the timer for an additional half hour.
Guilt consumed me, however, so after 14 minutes, I was one-eyed-groggy-push-the-start-button-on-the-coffee-machine
up. I feel weighed down. Specifically, I feel like my ass is morphing
into a larger size, but I’m not quite sure how that is possible at such an
early point in my post-juicing-attempt.
I’ll tell ya what, though. I know
exactly where the fault lies and I’ll tell you right now: Ethan.
Prior to his pregnancy, I hated desserts/sweets and looked at an extra
slice of steak as my post-meal treat. DURING his time in the cocoon, however, I gained 71 pounds from my must-have-daily white cake. Also to blame, Mexican
food, or more specifically, my father, since he started La Bodega. If I could
make it longer than 2 days without beginning to fantasize about nachos, I think
I’d be a lot better off. There was a
third participant who deserves a lot of blame, but I forget who it is…I just
remember it was very logical and made
perfect sense. No, it isn’t me (don’t be
ridiculous). Sitting in bed, trying to wake up as the coffee brewed, I participated in a political discussion with high school friends. I was just a supporter, so my blood pressure remained stable, but if I ever did
move back to Texas, it would have to be Austin, I think. I couldn’t handle the extreme conservatism
anywhere else.
● The minutes were ticking by so slowly. I’m not sure I can remember a morning where
time seemed to stand still rather than race away from me. Finally, I headed down to The Cozmic Café for
Amber’s memorial service. I saw Camille,
Rachel and Joe right away and hugged them all.
These people will never be able to understand how significantly they
have impacted my life with their love for each other and the support they give to each other. Once upstairs, I
spoke with people I knew, particularly one man whom I told long ago he should
have been a DJ (he has that deep, soothing voice). We talked about life and I mentioned how mine
was in a “meh” phase. I was doing an
exceptional job in spinning my hamster wheel, but I felt I was getting nowhere,
plus life was boring (except for the occasional adventure when my kids were
with me). He asked some philosophical questions
which right-sized me. I seem to forget
that life is about being grateful for what I have and at this point, specifically (at a memorial service
for someone who no longer has a life), I remembered how VERY exciting my life
is.
● The service began…first the Buddhist portion. Amber and her family practice Nichiren
Buddhism, which is a different style of
Buddhism than I practiced, but I am familiar with the chants from this
one. It was beautiful yet so
bittersweet, as Joe said. I stood there,
tears streaming down my face. I thought
of all the times I could have gone over and spent more time with her, or how I kept
forgetting to send Ethan over to befriend her son. If anything, though, I am SO thankful for the
relationship I have with my children and my ex-husband. Our family may be broken, but our break is a clean and a gentle one. My children have a
strong foundation under them and know L and I love them and care deeply for one another. For this,
I am grateful.
● I came home and got started on homework. I have a signature paper due Thursday among
other things… I’ll pace myself. <at
this point I was overcome with a drugged-like-exhaustion and napped for an hour> I am not sure what it is with these naps… I DO know where the blame lies though: My father.
He did the same damn thing.
<good god, HOW does that man expect me to succeed in LIFE?!?! He’s really weighing me down> Once I woke up, I got right back on that
homework saddle and continued the journey to infinite wisdom <oh holy shite,
this is tough> I’m having difficulty
with this Toshiba laptop (can’t use the Dell, it gets so hot that my thighs burn>
as it keeps re-configuring the paragraphs I write.
● Though I had planned to drink yesterday's juice mishmash at
some point today, I thought a nice mixture of quinoa, chickpeas and an Indian
curry mix would taste better. Once I finished
dinner, it was time to take the pups to the
park…only there was a family soccer tourney taking place, so we headed to the
Home of the Cougars (rawwwrrr!!!), El Dorado High School. In my haste to get them to the park, I didn’t
remember to dress in “appropriate” gear (after my nap, I just threw on a mini dress..and
that’s ALL I had on, if you catch my drift.
I just had to be careful about bending over to pick up the ball
<eyeroll at self> I need to invest
in a good pair of shorts). When I got
home, I saw Mags had texted me that she is now playing volleyball, which
thrills me (I played in junior high, too).
We need to find a sport for Ethan…after three seasons of lousy coaching,
he doesn’t want to play baseball anymore, which saddens me. He has skill, but when you’re in the game of “daddy
ball”, I can understand.
Picture: This evening at El Dorado High School: Mabi runs after the tennis ball and Annie runs after Mabi.
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