Trying to write that paper yesterday exhausted me; there was
too much caffeine in my head, not enough
ability to focus and an off-kilter attitude due to 2 naps in the day <no
joke>.The latest I managed to stay up was one, in hopes of avoiding another 5:45 wake-up time. The great news was, I slept until 9. I knew I had a huge paper to write, covering very specific information and needing to be an exact number of pages, so I got moving fairly quickly.
Today’s concentration was much more accurate than yesterday
and I was finished in about 6 hours. It
certainly isn’t my best work, but I feel it is an B+/A- paper. As soon as it was over, I put on clothing and
decided to go for a hike. I left the Camelbak
in the car Friday, which is good, as I used it on the way down to the flume. It
is a beautiful walk down and like the hike Friday, I used the time to have a
convo with the Universe. I am verrryyyy grateful for what I have in my
life, I am also grateful for what I don’t
have in my life.
One way down, I sang along to Chronicle Man. The harmonies on the album knock my socks
off. When I finally got down to the river,
I was amazed at how low the water was then clamored over the rocks for about
half a mile down the river’s side. I had
a couple of near-slips (my shoes were wet and reacted easily to the dried algae
on the stones) but had a lot of fun. I
love how so much more of your body is used during these types of activities –
not just legs. Noticed a beautiful
perfectly circled stone, my 10 year chip from Nature. Headed back and switched Mother Hip
albums..uphill, sang much of the way. I
keep forgetting how STEEP it gets and how LONG it takes to get back. However, I kept singing… song <gasp>
after song <gaspppp!!> Somehow, I did not die and made it to the
car. The one thing that kept me going
the whole way up was my decision to take myself out for a
salad and pizza after I dropped the dogs off at home.
The salad was divine.
I had to thank the waiter for suggesting it when I was here with Kristo, because it has
changed my life (seriously - I’m not a salad person..at least, not until
I had this one. Now I make one every day. I made the mistake of eating the entire pizza (and had even ordered a
large salad to eat as dessert). I was
fine until I walked into my house at which point I realized that I ate too
much. <sigh> I’m too passionate about food, but at this
point, it’s my only vice. <sad face>
Took a nice, hot bath and soaked in some tantalizing bath salts…listening to the game 2 of the NLCS and hoping the Giants
take the lead again.
It has been a beautiful day – I can’t really think of a
nicer way to spend my 10th birthday.
I am so thankful and honored by all the support I’ve had in these 10
years. It has gone by quickly, yet also
so slowly. My life has changed
completely in so many ways, yet also reverted to who I was long ago <stick with me, I know it sounds like I don't know what the hell is going on>. I experienced
a divorce (but it was a very gentle divorce and we are still good friends), my
heart was broken, and I was afraid to be alone for 2 years. I lost a child, I lost my father. The son I gave up for adoption 22 years ago
in an open adoption contacted me (though I’ve been in touch with his mother the
entire time) and my kids got to meet their half-brother. Just
because I don’t drink doesn’t mean I don’t have fun – I go to concerts, music festivals, I
explore cities, I take teh tribe camping and hiking. We go to the beach, we go on kickass roadtrips, we have SO.MUCH.FUN!!! I’ve run a half marathon.
I’m working on my 4th/5th degrees in sobriety – this one a
dual Master’s degree. There is much,
much , much I still want to do: I want
to finish my degrees and will see about getting licensed. I want to move away from here – as much as I
love the land, I do not feel this area is for me. Ideally, a different country, but we shall
see. I want to meet someone, fall in
love, share my life and have adventures all over the world. However, I am very picky. I will not give away time again as I did before
because I am no longer afraid of being alone.
Ten years has taught me that it is much
better to be alone than be in a unhappy relationship. It is an honor and I am grateful to my Higher
Power and those who have supported me in my sobriety. I am so humbled. Thank you.
Pictures: The flume trail and river; A heart of stone; my 10 year chip from Universe... <3
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