November 30, 2014

Ohhhh….my gawd…It’s Pre-Monday already. This week was amazing and I want to be on vacation more – and NO HOMEWORK!  Went to bed earlier last night (2 a.m.) in order to prepare for this dose of reality.  Oh, shudder... 

The day’s plans really consisted only of homework.  Unfortunately the day was sliced apart as Mags had a birthday party to attend in Citrus Heights.   The meeting place was inside the mall at See’s Candy.  No offense, but blech….That ain’t chocolate.  We headed out in the glorious rain…my stupid 2-wheel drive shimmy-ing and shaking like a diva at a disco.  I need to get a 4WD – We went to the market so I could get her friend a gift card while Mags got her a card, but the gift cards all charged money to “activate” the damn thing, which is ridiculous, so I got 3 bottles of San Pellegrino,  got money back  and stuck cash in the card, instead.  As we exited on hazel, I noticed people standing in the rain and a car flipped over.  The car had gone off the embankment and EMTs weren’t on the scene yet, so we headed over so I could determine if I could be of any help.  The woman had already been extricated from the car (which I had seen from the freeway) and an umbrella was over her as people cared for her.  As I approached, I noticed the man who had been driving had scrapes and cuts and was in a daze, by the look in his eyes, but he was taking care of Self by talking to someone on the phone.   I usually have a first aid kit in my car with bandages and gauze, but he was ok…  I walked over to the woman and the people there had blankets and knew what they were doing, so I went to the vehicle passenger who had no idea what was going on – a dog.  She looked like a dingo – long, big ears, and she was very scared.  The owner had been trying to get her while talking on the phone, but she was terrified and kept running off, so I talked to her, and kept her in an area.  Eventually, a man headed me some rope and I managed to get the rope around her, being very careful as I didn’t know this dog and know how they can react when scared. The EMTs took about 10 minutes getting there, but they finally did, so I made sure someone else would hold the pup and off Mags and I went.

I brought her to the mall and we managed to find a few of her friends walking around.  It’s been a long time since a mall was in my life, but I think I am almost at the point again with my daughter.  It would be a waste of time driving home only to have to turn back again, so I came prepared and brought my “office”, sitting in the car doing homework.  Olivia called – that was awesome…we spoke about business and kids.  She will give birth to her son soon.  I hope I can be in Midland when she does. <3  Time to pick Mags up again, only this time across the parking lot at the roller-rink.  I saw a group of moms sitting together at the table…I feel like such a dork.  It is difficult for me to sit around with people I do not know very well and make small talk.  As we drove home, my daughter assured me the first step to getting to know them better is by going through the pain of small talk.  <wise offspring>

Ethan  had accomplished his chores and has a beautiful fake fire burning when we walked in the door.  I got straight to  cooking dinner and the request was made to make pork chops and red cabbage for our Christmas Eve dinner – so I’ll add some garlic mashed and we are set!  Clean up and then back to homework.  Oops…looks like I forgot the paper which is due, so I wrote a paper on assessments.  One of the assessments I chose was the Derogatis Sexual Function Inventory (DSFI).  I got quite hot and bothered reading the scale: mutual petting of genitals or orgasm, mutual oral (mouth) stimulation of genitals, intercourse: female "on top" position, mutual undressing of each other, breast petting while you are nude, stroking and petting your sexual partner's genitals, your partner kissing your nude breasts….  I’m glad I have such a bad memory so I don’t remember what any of that is like, and next time, I’ll stick to assessments that have nothing to do with sexuality.  <Bam!  In the solution!>

Had a few moments of more Mario with the kids  – yesterday started a fad and we may be seeing more of these two little dudes in the future.   I still have papers to write regarding group which I keep forgetting to do and then tomorrow begins the beginning – but it’s a good kind.  School is also drawing to close – a have a few more papers in Assessments and a BIG one in Transitions that I’ll work on this weekend.  The light at the end of the tunnel is still fuzzy, but Things are Happening and I know it is there.

Pictures:  The shot Mags took while I was helping out; A bumper sticker I saw on a truck while we were picking up the gift card.

November 29, 2014

The other night, Ethan smiled warmly at me, with his mouth and his eyes, and told me of things that make him feel good:  the sun shining on him, taking off his socks in bed.    Yesterday, as we worked on the doghouse together, I held the lumber together as he pushed the drill:  “It's almost there, Ethan, it’s close!  Push, push!”  which seemed eerily like I was coaching him through a birthing process  and yet...this morning he is frustrated, angry and in shutdown mode, because he assumes that I have said “ no” to his air soft gun desire for Christmas....which I hadn't, until I saw the $305 price tag.  This boy – from one extreme to the next within seconds.

It was a beautiful, simply perfect day for…hiking (rainy and gloomy) or decorating for Christmas – which is really early for us, as it isn’t even December yet…but instead, most of the morning was spent doing nothing…well, for them.  I was accomplishing 10% of 10 things, rather than 100% of one, but still…at least there was effort.  Eventually I managed to scrape together some breakfast-food and we ate, then got dressed to walk to the park with the pups.  Ethan was on my bike.  I think a new/used mountain bike would be much better for him than an air soft gun – the boy is not “Jet Desertfox Castillo” , the professional airsofter, but he can ride his bike and I’ll ride mine <my latest mantra, “I’m really enjoying my new, healthy lifestyle!”>  The park was fun…the dogs played and the weather held out until we saw a group approach, so we leashed up the dogs and left, just as it started to sprinkle.  We put the dogs in the back and decided to walk down to Placerville, which was terrific as the kids got a Martinelli’s apple juice, which granted me 11 minutes in The Bookery.  I walked out with 4 Ernest Hemingway novels - 2 of which I already have, somewhere, but who cares.

I have got to cut down on a few things in my life:  certain foods which are present this time of year and books.  I recently decided to sell a box of books to The Bookery – books I will never read as they are not my type…but it was difficult because since they are books, I love them and am quite attached.  Once we were home, we piled in the car and I tool my kids to our once a week local restaurant – this time French food at Allez.  Because of circumstances, we moved tables twice and ended up outside, alone in the brisk air (by choice, rather than crowding at a bar with others).  After a delicious meal, this move granted us free desert, which was a win-win.  Then, Home Depot for Christmas lights.  There was no Christmas shopping by us yesterday  other than Home Depot for the doghouse…which was fine by us.

Home resulted in a “go through your clothes and toys to find things for our Thrift Shop at school for needy students."  I also went through my things and got rid of clothing which has been too tight for a couple years <"I’m excited about my new, healthy lifestyle!!”>  Then we sat down and started playing Mario Brothers on the Wii. We haven’t played video games together in years and it was a lot of fun.  Tomorrow Ethan will put up lights while I take Mags to a birthday in Citrus Heights and get some errands done <vacuum out car, oil change, homework>  

Other things in my life, very important things which have been a part of my life for my entire life, are drawing to a close…but Life changes and so must I.  I am finding that holding on just makes it more painful – honor it for what the place it has held and move on….

Pictures:  The results of our walks today:  Leaves on the grass as we walked to Placerville; Thistles as the park; A partial rainbow walking into town; Rains drops on bamboo; the fire station bell tower.

November 28, 2014

The plan today was to get started on the dog house immediately as rain is expected late tonight.  As grateful as I was for Brad’s plans, I am apparently not skilled at reading blueprints as I had no idea what those little triangle lines meant.  L had said he would get together a list for me, but here it is, almost 11 and…oh, wait!  It’s in my email!  Ethan and I headed off to Home Depot with plans of getting the lumber, dropping it off at home and picking Mags up at the gf’s house by 1:45 (per Maggie’s instructions).  We walked into Home Depot and the first person I saw was Darren, the manager.  “Hi!  Good to see you!  Did you call in your order?”  “Me: “Well, I tried – they said they can’t do that.”  Darren: <quizzical look>  “Oh, it must have transferred you over to the general phone.  C’mon, let’s get you what you need.”    Darren brought me over to John, and introduced me as Home Depot’s “best customer.”  Really – that’s how he introduced me.  Ok, that may have been a bit of overkill, but it does help out when you have The Manager helping out.  John was wonderful – grabbed all the 2X4’s, then got 2 pieces of plywood and cut everything up.  Easy as pie.  Life.Was.Good.

Until I saw my keys dangling from the ignition switch.. .all windows closed…no Maggie to rescue us.  <deep sigh>  Well, hell.  I called my neighbor to see if he could get my spare keys, but no answer.  Farmer’s Roadside assistance, here we are!  The benefit to locking my keys in the car was (**silver lining moment**) that I had time to sit in the Home Depot parking lot with Ethan and reflect…and label the lumber.  The 50”ers!  He forgot to cut them!  So I went back inside while Ethan guarded the goods and had those cut.  Then I enjoyed a nice conversation with a lady in a BMW about trading my Mercedes for the Mazda …I go off-road, anyway, plus the upkeep was ridiculous.  Finally, Car Rescue Dude stopped by and we talked about building dog houses as he unlocked the car.  He suggested drilling pilot holes first.  Hmmm……Noted.  Got home, dropped the lumber off, went to pick up Maggie at the GFs…and ended up right behind L’s dually.  I knew L wasn’t driving it – he was at work.  I pulled into the driveway following them and waited for Maggie.  The GF and her people were all outside, pointing at me when the guys in the dually turned around and headed towards me at a much faster speed than I liked, so I got pissed off and started backing up, much faster than I should have…and hit my driver’s side/mirror on the brick lamp post…and the guys laughed at me.  This is where a huge and LOUD “FUCK YOU” went through my head, but I just straightened out and backed off and got the hell off their property.  Assholes.  “Where are you?” I texted Maggie…within a few moments she walked up the driveway and headed to my car.  It’s just a car, but I want to stay away from those people.

Mags and I headed home…Ethan had easily finished the outside frame for the bottom plate (technical terminology for what I called the base), so we started attaching the plywood…but.could.not.  I burnt my finger on a hot drill piece…I went inside looking for my 18V battery charger,..and could not find it…because Ethan had not put it back, so I mistakenly put it with recip saw stuff and gave it back to L.  Then I slammed my head into a corner shelf very hard…the day was just breaking into a million pieces of BAD.   I wanted to cry. I actually did cry when I hit my head, but I wanted to just scream/cry at how the day was unfolding.  This meant I had to go to Home Depot for some pilot hole bits and I had to BACK to L’s gf house to go get my charger.  Fan-frickin-tastic.  So off we went – HD, fill up the tank (it still almost costs me $40 – how is this possible??), back to The House.  I pulled in and there was jackass, standing by the garage.  I stared at him with an angry look on my face as L brought me the stuff.  “BE careful…”  he said.  I had texted him about what I did.  “I suck backing up”  “No, you just suck backing up fast.”  I think still worries about me.  He doesn’t realize what a badass I am.

Mags was going to cook dinner, but we needed the homemade mac ‘n cheese items, so I figured it would be faster if we went to the GO.  WE dropped Ethan off and off we went…into the busiest day Placerville has…and the only way to get back to our house (as far as I know) is via the freeway.  This sucked.  It seemed like all of San Francisco had decided to go to Tahoe/Apple Hill and now they want to share in our Christmas Tree lighting by the old courthouse.  <groan>  This better be some damn good mac ‘n cheese.  It took us longer to get home because in trying to find short cuts, (of course) I got us lost.  This day was indeed a Black Friday.  But eventually, we made it..and, by some  interesting turn of events, we were on the freeway right by the Christmas tree and were able to see it light up from our car. No need to join thousands (ok, hundreds) of others on foot for that fantastic display of electric candles…<eyeroll>

 Ethan and I got busy   - that boy blew me away.  He was completely comfortable and skilled with the drill and we had the dog house framed in no time.  He and I had such a fun time putting the doghouse together and I was so impressed with him…he is a natural – he was able to see things that I couldn’t in terms of layout (ok, ok, my left brain really isn’t helpful to me at all…).    I’d day we had the house completed in about 2 and  half hours.  The dogs were in and out of it as we built it, too.  Ethan insisted Maggie come out and that we all hold on to the drill as he screwed in the final screw, then he wrote “Built by Ethan, Ali and Maggie”.  “But I didn’t build it!” said Mags…”Yes, you did!  You helped put in the final screw!”  We all sat around the fire for about an hour when the rain slowly started, building up to a steady rain within ten minutes.  What an incredible experience.  Now, my Maggie is her room, looking at her Kindle, my boy is in the kitchen, scouring the Mac for speakers or super-rad airsoft guns….  “We’re going to bed soon!  It’s almost 1!!!” I yell, as I heat my broken body with a rice sock.  Oh, these days…<smile>

Pictures:  The beautiful sunset-popcorn-cloud sky I wouldn't have ever seen if  I hadn't gone back to That House; The results of our building!!  Well, mostly Ethan....<proud mama>; Celebration fire

November 27, @014

Morning was lovely:  an elongated extension of yesterday as both kids were with me and it is so  precious.  Maggie is in a kissing phase with me – one I recall having with my mother.  I think it is a subconscious attempt to hold onto childhood prior to embarking into the independent teen years, though I could be wrong. 

Yesterday was filled with so many precious memories:   whispering in Moe's as if it were a library.    Libraries aren’t whispered in anymore – they are now another meeting place for children’s groups and studying teens.  All of this is absolutely fine, of course, but…why can’t they whisper?  Fortunately – my kids know:  if there are books, we  whisper.  As we were waiting in front of Defina’s Pizzeria, waiting to be seated, we noticed delivery men with their bikes.  Ethan was entranced:  A job you can have and  you get to bike around San Francisco?  Perfect!  I told him there were many couriers around SF – not just delivering food, but documents, et cetera.  He now has a dream.  Later – at the venue, Maggie was watching the bands and was absolutely thrilled to be seeing them again (this is her third time – once in Mill Valley at the Sweetwater, once at Coda Café in Chico, and now here).   "Thank you so much, Mommy...I love this!"; Brad bringing us backstage was fantastic – and her sitting at the steps watching them.  “Mommy!  Ben saw me and smiled, Alex saw me, Phil and Ryan- they all saw me and smiled!"    I love sharing halves of me with my kids:  my extroverted life with Mags and my introverted life with Ethan.  They each have a half of my heart.

L came by late in the morning to pick up Mags.  He helped out with a few things and then they left, so Ethan and I started cooking: I pulled out the old copy of a recipe I made years ago with my dad and we got busy.  I played a bit if Der Vogelhandler - an Austrian operetta my dad played all the time. Granted, it wasn't fun hearing it at 8 in the morning on our super -load speakers when I was hungover from the night before, but I later learned to love it.  It was also an ideal morning for Steve Miller band.  I have "Swingtime" on the brina....   Cooking commenced as I channeled my father...different from my parents, though - I very much enjoy cooking with Ethan and love baking with Maggie.  After about an hour and a half – we had the chicken in the oven and simmering red cabbage, so we got the dogs and walked downtown.  It wasn’t a nice Thanksgiving day – it was 70 degrees.  Way too warm!  I could have worn shorts and a tank top.  When my sister and I were young, we would get dressed in our “pilgrim” clothing (a long dress and warm coats) and we would walk together to the end of the street (it was a “country” block – so it was a very long street).  On our walk today, I got a horrific craving for mashed potatoes with our meal (which I hadn’t made), so as soon as we got home I boiled some potatoes.  Then, we ate.  Oh.My.Gawd.  It was such a delicious meal.  Everything was perfect and Ethan and I enjoyed talking and discussing over dinner. 

Clean up wasn’t as I would have preferred, but as I had cooked throughout the day, I was also cleaning, so it was relatively easy, just not as much input.  Ethan had prepped a fire and we were also going to watch a movie.  I convinced the boy that watching the movie first would give us as much time as we wanted with the fire.  He agreed, but instead of the movie, we played some Super Mario Brothers first.  So much fun – it was like I was 17 years old again at boarding school.  I never did accomplish the skill Sheba had.  We then watched “We Were Soldiers.”  It was a good movie, but I think I have been ruined for all war movies by Band of Brothers.  

After the movie ended and we had some Vietnam Conflict discussion, , I put on my dad’s heavy lambskin jacket and we headed outside.  The air was cold and crisp; the stars shone brightly in the dark sky.  Fire licked at the wood, greedily burning away.  We had some good talks for quite some time…then  he began  explaining an interest he has.  I asked questions about it, as I tend to do and sensing negativity (which was actually realism), he began to shut down.  “Ethan,” I explained, “In your lifetime, the World is going to say ‘no’ 75-80% of the time, if not more.  Your job is to bring facts and aspects to the table so that a ‘no’ is less likely.  You can’t shut down when you don’t hear what you want to hear.”  I hope he heard that.  Inside, I made us some chai as we prepare to blanket another Thanksgiving Day. It has been a lovely couple of days with my children. <3

Pictures:  Tonight's fire, topped by a pine cone I collected last October on my way to the Desert Dust-Up in Joshua Tree; A beautiful tree on our walk; my dad's recipe for Thanksgiving; another tree shot.