November 3, 2014

 I slept horribly:  bad snippets of the weekend kept interfering with my sleep and thus my Zzzzz's were rudely interrupted.  When I awoke, I knew my body was not happy as one minute she was freezing and then overheating.  The morning was a calm one... Ethan took a shower and prepared an omelet for his breakfast.  Mags had a smoothy. I couldn't even finish my teeny-tiny piece of pb-covered bread. I was shivering, in front of our new fake fireplace... I remember doing that as a child in Austria and spending the night in front of the heater.  It seems that my attempts last night to bring The Boy back into the loop worked.  The dinner break and then an evening of poker softened the harshness of the afternoon, and so, forward we go.  This was one of the first mornings in years with no music, but physically I was bad and emotionally I was <still> exhausted.  Drove the kids to school (also without music) and as Ethan climber out of the car, he said very strongly, “I love you.”  He.Said.That.

I tried calling the psych department to get an appointment , but I was on hold forever, so I left a message with hopes that I’d get a return call.  Today was Career Day at our school, thank god, and so I sat and kept an eye on our kids as speakers spoke and career possibilities were presented.  L texted me and so I called and got an appointment for an assessment for Ethan the next day.  Whew.  As soon as the school day was done, I headed home and snuck in the house to lie down.  I think Annie may have spotted me, but I parked in front of the house instead of in the driveway so they couldn’t see the car.  Really.  It’s at that point.

Rested my aching body for a few hours, then up and reading textbooks for class.  I despise the Thursday class – Career counseling.  It’s only the 2^nd time the class has been given – I guess it's needed  for the dual Masters degree.  May these next 7 weeks go by smoothly and quickly.  Bright side : MH Christmas shows are the next  day (Friday and Saturday).  Hafta figure out a trick for the dogs.   I spoke with L about Ethan’s appointment tomorrow afternoon – so grateful it happened this quickly.   I must admit, when it comes to my children, I am a drama queen.  NOT that I would ever discount any suicidal ideation as drama, but I jumped on this, alerted people at his school, his doctor, immediately.  I don’t think those words are anything to play around with and in today’s world, I have heard too many horror stories to do anything different.

I also enjoyed taking the dogs out for various toileting fun.  Here we go again.  No more pets for me.  Still, as crazy-busy as life is, taking 15 minutes to go stand outside in the beautiful rising sun's rays to coax "C'mon!  Go potty!  Go potty!" has its moments.

So now, it is 9:00…and I am going to bed.  I am very grateful to those of you who sent me messages and helpful articles/shows so that I could get more information.  I have an armory of books and resources and I am hoping this boy finds a ray of Light soon.  

Pictures: My tribe; I got out my vote; Hard at work trying to repair circuit boards.  It ain't gonna happen.