January 22, 2015

This morning was, figuratively, a dark one.  Pain woke me at 5:30: I had hit a wall.   For 15 minutes, my mind went back & forth between getting up for yoga and staying in bed, but I finally got up, because something has got to change.  I tried working through the yoga routine, but it was difficult and I realized I needed to do something different. 

My mind is causing all sorts of issues because I have been down this path (though with a different issue).  I am the issue and I need to make the changes. I need help and decided (before) I left for work that I’m going to try CrossFit.  My core is so weak, my body is hurting so much and I know from experience that when my body is strong, my mind is strong.  I chatted with Kim, a high school friend who did CrossFit and saw tremendous results.  She is right, I need to go all in.  I sent the owner an email, committing myself to showing up today to check it out.  Now I can’t back down.

Mags was still down, so I took Ethan to school, then headed to work.  Work was very difficult  for me today.  When it was time, I got Ethan, and talked to him about internship he has next week.  Things blew up pretty quickly.  Mind you, I knew I wasn’t in a good space emotionally and Ethan just sat – similar to his homework M.O. – not responding.  I should know better, and I do, but I jumped right in, anyway.  Ethan suggested I not work around kids if I’m going to come home and be so angry.  I laughed.  Good point. 

I took him home with instructions to phone his internship p[lace and left to get popsicles for my sick girl, drop them off, then head to Cross Fit.  I talked to Scott and he showed me the equipment and the workouts; he also explained the program.  I’ve got to do this.  I doubt I’m going to work towards a competitive body, as suggested by an old school mate, but committing myself to a program where I have seen incredible changes is necessary.  I know I can do this.

By the time I got home I was in a much better place.  I gave Ethan a loooonnng hug.  He feeds off my energy.  I cooked dinner and then we watched Untamed America for a bit again.  I wanted to see the grasshopper mouse.  I see my first client tomorrow evening, well, a client’s mother.  I’m pretty confident, after having spoken to her.  She’s a mama who wants her child to be okay and I get that.

Picture: My beautiful gray sky