January 30, 2015

All of my bragging regarding sleep came to a brutal halt last night when I was unable to recreate anything which might have been explained as “sleep” or “sleep-like” behavior.  In fact, my mind was doing similar things with imagined geometric shapes that I'd paid a pretty penny for similar effects from the “tablets” of my day, in the 80s…without any success.  I remember thinking up mathematical word problems, all sorts of interesting designs…but not one ounce of “tire” could be found.  

In the morning, I awoke to make sure the boy was up (he was), then relaxed for a few minutes until it was time to take him to school. Humph.  “Relaxed.”    After a week of sleeping, the concept seems silly, but I was very surprised for what the day held in store for me, despite tasks being “so simple.”  As soon as I dropped him off, I headed back to sleep.  I slept for several more hours.  Later in the day, I had my first meeting with my client as I hadn’t wanted to cancel for this child.  The hour would involve sitting on the floor and doing things like drawing and talking, so, foolishly,  I wasn’t concerned.

I got a text from Larry asking if I could also pick up Maggie due to a crisis, so I picked up the kids and headed to my site.  The mother and the child were there, shortly after I got there.  Initially the sweats and heat came again (I breathed and kept on), then I felt woozy (a technical term) and though the session  flowed easily and naturally (for which I was very grateful), I was also exhausted afterwards.  Towards the end of the session, it was if little tiny dudes were trying to pull my eyelids down!  Still, frequent sips of water, deep breathing and intense focus on our conversation was very helpful.  It was like a chess game.  I continue to be amazed at what we take for-granted – the simplicity of a conversation with a child, for example. Something as simple as this was almost too much.  I heard a story from a coworker how she was in the hospital for a week for the same thing.  I guess I shouldn’t feel so guilty for my weakness, but it has been quite some time since I’ve been this helpless.  On the way to and from the therapy session, I listened to some Winwood/Traffic , sent to me be Shari, and discovered I do have a bias:  I’m not crazy about a flute in a rock song. 

Got home and the Tribe was present.  I needed to finished some paperwork, then Mags and I went to the grocery store for milk and eggs (she went in, I was the driver).  On this part, I have to (sarcastically) comment on how damn proud I am of my kids that they can do things I did as a 7 year old (or younger) during a much more ignorant and dangerous society.  Mind you, I am speaking only for me and what I have experienced as a child, but the “bubble-wrapping” of our kids is ridiculous (again, in my opinion).    I am GLAD I let Maggie have a lemonade stand (despite pedophiles), I am GLAD I allow Ethan to ride around Placerville on his bike.  They are KIDS, this is what they SHOULD be doing.  Stranger abduction is minimal and I have had MANY a talk with my kids that a pedophile would much more likely be a favorite dad of a friend than a stranger.  I talk about this topic frequently with my kids (as you can well imagine) and I feel they are as prepared as they can be.  I shall not steal their childhood for fear that they will be abducted.  You cannot live in the shadows.

And now, after my little rant, I am back in my bed, where I shall spend the weekend.  It has been one hell of a week, but we move onwards, cyst-less, and a ridiculously small amount more stronger.  On a dark side, I was heartbroken today when I discovered my sheets and sweats did not get the terrific laundry scent Ethan's got he he did his laundry yesterday.  All day long I was looking eagerly toward the moment of Great Smell, only to be let down harshly, like bedsheets without that great smell.  It seems he used too much detergent, but I am not willing to go down the path of Over Usage for the results.  Sometimes, the program works too damn well.  On a bright side, I finally got into the book The Tiger’s Wife early this morning around 3.  It’s the little things….

Pictures:  The feathers from my pillow flowing too freely.  After 13 years (I know, I know!don't throw up), I replaced mine today; A yucca cactus seed from West Texas; Mabi watched the animals of Zanzibar with much excitement.