January 10, 2015

I’m back in my house…I can sleep naked and leave the window open and these are really nice things, except…I’m depressed, but more on that later…why start the whole post of with a downer, right?  I managed to get the coffee brewing, but the dogs started off howling from crates right away.  I’m not sure if it’s because they missed us or because this was their first night in a crate since we’d left, but a yelp from a Queensland is not something that can be ignored.  Mags popped in, she’s been up since 7:30 (WHAT?!?!  I could have roused the dead easier than her on many an occasion yet now she is up at 7???).  I wonder.

So, we are up.  By “we”, I mean not Ethan, but that goes without saying.  I did get him up, eventually, though, because there was a whole slew of Christmas decorations to take down, dissemble and pack  away. I gave Ethan the outside (Mags helped) and I tackled the tree.  This, of course, is not a literal statement.  I wanted to get rid of all the broken pieces which take up a great deal of space.  My thought was, we won’t be here next year, so think small.  I also packed sentimental decorations together and the others in their own box.  I was pleased with my methodical ability.  Just as we finished, L came by to get the kids.  Rats.  I will miss them.  I went to the shed and got out Ethan’s drums so I could take a picture, post, and sell. I also got rid of stuff from my first single life and my subsequent fist marriage ( a few household trinkets).  It was while I was inside organizing stuff that SOMEBODY peed on the damn carpet again.  I think it was Mabi.  She is the dog who is intelligent enough to show her displeasure at not being taken to the park by peeing or worse.  Actually, I take that back – peeing is worse because it’s liquid.  I put both dogs outside.  They are driving me to the point of insanity and it really bothers me.  My life has changed – it isn’t like it was when I first got Mabi….  I don’t have time anymore to take her to the park everyday…and getting Annie has made it worse, because it isn’t as easy to take them both to the park.  I’m going to see what I need to do to train Annie well and rework Mabi.  <sigh>  

 

Delivered items to the Partners in Care hospice thrift store..I need to find a place for the printer (which works) and a mess of cards and cables, then off to pick up 3 varieties of lettuce and an avocado.  When I got home, I started on making butternut squash soup and French bread in my bread maker I got for mother’s day yeaaarrrsss ago.  It’s so ridiculously complicated.  My mom would make bread  by hand with her eyes closed.  It’s just the kneading part I actually need help with, so maybe I’ll figure out how to get that that done…maybe it can be down with my Kitchen Aid mixer?  It has a “kneading hook”, which is what I expect that is for.  I sat down, listening to my book on tape and eating soup when suddenly the dogs went crazy in the kitchen.  Great.  I must have another rodent….  Not really what I wanted to be doing this evening. I went in and they were barking at…the bread maker, which had finished its “resting” period and was now making uncomfortable sounds.

And now..it’s ten o’clock at night, I’m in bed with semi-plans for watching a movie on Netflix, but it’s looking more and more like that won’t happen.  I think I’ll buy another audio-book.  It is still to nightmarish to read, though my attempts at reading Dickens’ “Martin Chuzzlewit” may not have been the best wading-in material to go with.  Shoulda started with one of those quick read page turners that I have read 8 times, but still don’t recall.  I feel shame in this, believe me.  I am a bibliophile.  I love the smell of books, I love owning books.  I used to love reading  books, and I expect this love will one day return, which is why I am stockpiling.  

And now..the sadness.  The reason behind why  it has taken me over 2 hours to write this (which is why I won’t get to a book or a movie)….I am stuck.  I’m stuck and sad and depressed and doing all the wrong things to make myself feel better(eat), though it doesn’t work.  My body hurts(because I eat).  My soul hurts(because my body hurts)…let me reiterate, my body hurts.  It hit me earlier (again, not literally) that I used to run 2 miles every day and my legs didn’t hurt..I think it may be because I wore tennis shoes with support, so, in order to get the body part thing going again, I’ll start the yoga and maybe, ever so maybe, I’ll try running again, but not barefooted this time.  I'll need to stretch.  I’ll have to leave Annie at home, she’ll trip me, but Mabi will love it.  Sigh.  Oh, the dogs.  <issues>

Pictures:  Our walk into the old town where I currently reside (possibly another reason for the sad soul); A cutting board Olivia got us for Christmas - you know what is so cool?  I got cutting boards for the kids, too!  Olivia and I are ON THE SAME PAGE!!!