April 5, 2015

I slept like HEAVEN.  I dreamt again (this is the second time) that Tim Bluhm was concerned about our relationship, that he thought I was angry with him.  It seems I am really grasping for straws when it comes to relationships now…. **More on this later.  It was a beautiful overcast day – I love these and was thrilled that it was a SaturSunday, which means we also have Monday off, so it doesn’t “feel” like a Sunday. After my “waking up” was complete - and man, that weekend coffee is so good I wanna frame it- I decided to get homework done so that my evening would be freed up.  I did something I’ve not done before in all these years of school and that was willingly not do an assignment so I could spend time with the kids, but there was some I needed to do.  Still have a few weeks left and big assignments left.

The Plan for today was for Mags and I to do some baking for our neighbors – Mostly for Brent as a thank you for his chauffeuring me around, but also Steve and Stephanie for the kefir water.  We need to make more for other neighbors, too, but that’ll have to wait.   Mags came in from watching The Office and asked if I had seen the one where Jim says something ever so sweet about Pam…then she said, “I wish you would find your Jim.”  She has made similar statements recently.  Oh, sweet Maggie girl.   I am not quite sure that’ll happen for a while because I don’t want to fall for anyone here – it’ll keep us from moving to Europe and that is really what I want us to do.   Oh hell YES, I miss that oxytocin rush of being “in love”, yet I think my kids and I have a pretty kick ass thing going on here, and a man would get in the way.  I have a little bit longer and then they’ll be on their own.  I don’t think I want my Jim right now.  It would ruin a great thing.  

We made almond paste from scratch after Ethan and I blanched the almonds yesterday, then we made petit fours.  This was great fun.  We had a little Black Crowes/CRB going and as a subconscious treat to my Catholic baptism, instead of “Rosalee”, I sang “Rosary” unbeknownst even to myself until the second refrain.  It must be the Glory of Easter.  In a very coincidental happening, I was thrilled when Ethan presented me with a missing part of our family- Inuit Dude – who had been in his room for months now and  literally screamed with delight.  I cannot, I will not discuss the shame I feel in demonstrating such behavior in front of my children.  Really.  I am 43.  While the petit fours cooled, Mags got started on royal icing (2 varieties) while I heated and sieved the raspberry jam.  We then decorated, and delivered.  It was an amazing experience spending time with Mags this afternoon, creating together.

The joys of Inuit Dude’s Rebirth (Re-emergence), we headed to a favorite place the kids and I haven’t been to in quite some time.  I didn’t dress up…I WENT IN MY GLASSES.  I wore my “Yay Gay” hoodie from the Human Rights HQ in the Castro. I felt…horrible, but also want to get over the fact of how I feel in my glasses.  It was wonderful to see Katie there, with her kids.  She is an incredible woman and it has been incredible “watching her” (on FB) these last few years…as much as I “see” people online, I enjoy the actual face-to-face contact.  After dinner, as we sat in the car, my sister Facetimed us and we had a fun talk.  I’m so glad we have rediscovered each other since my father’s death.  It sucked being the only child in a family with three kids.

Ethan really wanted us to watch “The Way Way Back”, so we did that tonight.  It was a good movie with a focus on teen awkwardness and it was a terrific movie for us to discuss.  Having Ethan bring up the anxiety and awkwardness without solicitation  was incredible and we talked for quite a while afterwards (Mags scooted off to watch more Office).  I am loving my time with this boy.  I am loving my time with this girl.  He will get over this hurdle and then Maggie will begin hers….  We talked about finding another house to rent or staying in this one til we can go to Europe…they decided we should stay here so we can save money for the move.  We three are in this together.  I love my tribe.

 Pictures:  My oldest daughter; Making the almond paste from the blanched almonds; the petit fours.  I preferred the liquid fondant for an icing, but I'm glad we tried this.