May 31, 2015

There was no way in hell I was waking up before I was good and ready.  I awoke at 6: back to sleep; 7: back to sleep; 8: back to sleep.  10:07.  Now we’re talking!  Last night I was thinking about my life and the many paths I have taken…and somehow my thoughts always drifted back to how good my bed feels.  

My kids slept in, too, yet I knew we had some serious homework to get to for scuba next weekend.  Eventually I called Ethan and when I walked back into my room, there he was, sitting in his study area, book and pencil in hand.  Mags was already through the first chapter and stayed in her room.  Ethan and I got busy…sorta.  It is becoming painfully obvious who he takes after <squirrel!> during academic work, but I hope that he continues to persevere and then he’ll get wherever he needs to be.  We didn’t do very well. I have difficulty with the pressure/air volume/density section.  I hope I won’t constantly be having to do math in my head otherwise I’m screwed.  Eventually I stopped around chapter 2 and Ethan made it through chapter 1.  He is staying with me this week so we can study and after Mags gets back from her Point Bonita field trip, she’ll do the same (even though she finished all 5 chapter today (!!) we all need to see the movie.  I napped.  I think Ethan napped.  Maggie obviously kept on studying.  

After waking, I suddenly remembered that I needed to drop Lizzie off at the mechanic for an oil leak, so I texted my neighbor and within minutes, he was already off.  I back out the Mazda and followed along in a very strong VW bus…but I want to see what’s dripping out of her before I head to the next Hips fest in a couple of weeks.

Once at home again, we jumped in the car with two dogs.  One of them, Mabi, wants to kill me.  She is so damn sick and tired of not being able to go out and play that I swear she is learning how to use her paws to operate potentially deadly kitchen utensils.  We headed to our usual park, but there were 2 ladies sitting with toddlers, so I insisted we go to the next park.  I hate being around people.  Not sure I’d do well in San Francisco, after all.  We had a blast at the other park. Mabi was exhausted by all the running and I made contact with a German friend from Montessori college and will be meeting with her to determine how to get a job in CH.  Then the kids located plum trees and went crazy picking them. 

 Home to finish packing up for Maggie’s field trip (she had it all done days ago).  Ethan did a few chores. I folded laundry.  Here is a question:  how is there always so much laundry?  It was an interesting weekend of naps, foods and excitement.  

Pictures:  Maggie catching plums Ethan is picking in the sunset; Ethan misses baseball - hitting the ball for Mabi; park view; plums <I hope...I've always thought they were something poisonous....>

May 30, 2015

NOOOOOOO!!!!!  Damn alarm.  It shouldn’t be allowed to go off on a Saturday morning…but then I remembered why it was going off and all was forgiven.  In fact, I didn’t have much time.  It wasn’t long before I had to wake the kids.   Mags curled my hair – there hadn’t been time for her to paint my nails last night – partially because I was dead tired.  Talk about a hell of an emotional day..in soooo many ways.  Naturally, the last few minutes were a bit chaotic: I was mad because Dennis Cook’s Dirty Impound songs on 8 Track,  <the first was Blind Faith’s “Can’t Find My Way Home”, which is my theme song> wouldn't play, I didn’t want to be late, things were not working according to plan...last-minute stuff puts me on edge.

We were on the way – heading to Sacramento’s beautiful Memorial Auditorium.  I had 2 rabbits ahead of me…and watched one caught by CHP.  It reminded me of so many long road trips to Ft. Worth and the relationships I formed with so many drivers.  I initially found a parking spot right smack in front, but it was only for 2 hours and I knew we would be in a lot longer than that.  Ended up buying 8 hours’ worth (unintentionally) of parking space and we walked 2 blocks.  It was a crazy mess and I didn’t understand the organization at all…but it turned out I was in the undergrad section.  Sent the kids in to go find a seat and headed around to go find my cohorts.  We stood in the numbered line about 45 minutes…laughing, talking, remembering and planning.  I’m glad I’m not quite done yet with all of these people…because honestly, I’ll miss them.

We headed into the auditorium.  The music was so beautiful (“Pomp & Circumstance, No.1" by Sir Edward Elgar)and it was such a surreal moment.  My heart swelled; I was an academic bride, walking down my aisle. I looked everywhere for my kids amongst the family and friends of fellow graduates to no avail, yet I was so glad I had decided to participate in the commencement ceremony to show my children that hard work does pay off.  What was funny to me, and absolute proof that there is a Higher Power, was this:  Of all my cohorts, there were two who 11 times out of 10 got on my last nerve during classes and Guess Who was on either side of me?  Exactly.  And once again, I was shown the error of my ways for I was able to see them in a completely different light than usual, admitting to myself that I was wrong again (which is ok).  I love those little God shots.  The Masters of Cremonies, or whatever you call the fancy men and women all decked out in doctoral gear, stood on stage and as our favorite Dr. Weber was introduced, about 5 of us screamed loudly…as he smiled and shook his head slowly, so we shut up.  That man is going to miss the hell out of the life we bring to his classrooms.  I finally got a text from Ethan as to their location – just as my row was about to stand up to cross the stage.  It was so exciting…finally walking, shaking hands (holding my diploma the wrong way, of course), smiling for a picture with the Chancellor and then back to my seat.  The entire commencement was surprisingly short – just over an hour.  

 

As I walked out, a tall, young lady jumped at me.  “I love you, Mommy!”  A tall, young man smiled and shyly  walked up to me  and smiled at me.  I was thrilled and introduced them to a few classmates.  The blazing sun and the flowing black robe made it uncomfortable, so we started the 2 mile trek to locate our car, parked 2 blocks away.  After a half an hour (and lots of “Congratulations!” shouted from passing cars and even a homeless man), I took the robe off, sand seeing we had 6 more hours of time, we walked back to P.F. Changs for lunch.  A classmate was there with her family (her daughter attends TCU and makes a much better TCU/Texan than I ever did).  She approached our table later…”Isn’t it great to be sober?” she smiled.  You bet it is.  This couldn’t have happened any other way.  We headed home and each of us walked our separate ways for a 2 hour nap.

Once again, I awoke, but this time due to heat.  Soon, my little ones awoke, as well, and we prepared to head to Café Mahjaic for our graduation celebration.  Long ago, under different owners I called it Café Labia, because of the art, which was very Georgia O’Keefe/labia like.  Now it’s quite different…the art isn’t as fun <sad face>  and usually noisy…but that’s ok.  Didn’t get our favorite waitress, but she remembered us and stopped by to say hello and chat.  Dinner was delicious and I managed to eat enough for two weeks (though as I stared at the salad, visions of nachos went through my mind…really).  As our main entree arrived, my mind went back to my friend earlier at P.F. Chang’s who told me to say with my authentic self and not change “into a grown-up,” and, quite true to form, my small roasted corn cob flew off my plate and onto the floor at this fancy-dining-establishment-without-labia-paintings.  Of course.  Can’t get much more authentic than that.  As the kids I left (after having to dig for change in the car to cover a 20% tip as I forgot to deposit my check), we sang to JC Mellencamp’s “Jack and Diane” and Mags thanked me for having introduced her to “old people’s music.”  We cruised Main Street in Placerville singing to Queen’s “We are the Champions” as I sat at the stop-sign, air guitar-ing the solo and waited for the light to change (there was no damn light).  I have such fun with my tribe.  These are the days.

Pictures:   Once the commencement had commenced; My hair-stylist at work; Awaiting the commencement; We have ceremonied!; My sweet text from my anti-school boy. <3

May 29, 2015

Morning.  I was so excited until I realized there was still another day, but “one” is a great number (I’ve learned), so I got going.  Anders has been helping me out a lot, lately.  I dropped the kids off a little earlier than usual and then headed to school with my gifts in the back…the succulent arrangements I’d made with Ethan for a few people who have really meant a great deal to me.  It was a very nerve-racking day and I feel the need to say this:  I KNOW that this is not about the individual – IT IS ALL ABOUT ME AND HOW I’VE BEEN REACTING.    Still, that being said, it grew to a point of such discomfort for me that I was unable to focus on the kids and for a part-time job so that I could finish school, that wasn’t a good match for me.    It was tough saying goodbye to my favorite coworkers without "saying goodbye."  I made some new Facebook friends – sisters who have meant so very much to me.  I will miss those kids.  I left without saying good bye to my coworker, not that it would have been something done by that person, but again, it’s not about them.  I should have risen above the behavior and didn’t.  Lesson learned.

I picked up the kids and we headed to fill up the car.  There – at the gas station was this huge truck hauling two trailers with writing and paintings/drawings all over it.  There was also a huge boombox with music blaring.  On the side of the truck it read “Life is what you make it!  Help me show love to the Hopi Reservation.  This is my 5^th trip  - going there to give away food, clothes and building materials.”  Ohmylordy..  Here we go again…another one those people.  I spotted a black man in overalls and a bright red shirt mounting flags and working on other preparations.  I dug out $5 and sent Maggie out while I filled the car.  I saw his face light up and talk to Maggie, and give her a card.  I suddenly caught such a wonderful feeling from him and walked over.  I spoke with him for about 10 minutes.  He lives in Santa Cruz, but is up watching his daughter graduate.  He began his missions after hurricane Katrina and would bring necessary items to victims.  It has since evolved to reservations and helping repair homes and bring supplies.  There is no religious overtone here – Curtis mentioned God, Buddha, Allah, all in the same sentence...and said he calls it kindness.  His eyes were alight with passion and it was a joy.

 

After such a stressful day I needed some nachos, so we headed La Placitas for the nachos, klistenijng to the Grateful Dead <Chinacat Sunflower!!>.  The kids and I had a blast here.  For whatever reason, I started in on a Russian accent <very stressful day – did I mention that>  and I more than ate my fill…I actualy got the burrito to go as I was done after nachos.  I realized that we really needed to get the scuba stuff going because there wasn’t much time if the kids were going with Carolene to San Diego in 10 days (after my Calpine fest).  

We walked in and the smell of the pool greeted me like a warm hello.  Rick, the manager was there and hooked us up with Bill, who got us the wet suits.  Maggie was in hers without issue (she had an Aqua Lung 4 mm suit), but Ethan and I?  I was struggling trying to get my foot in…grunting and groaning...then giggling.  I heard a man’s voice outside say “Is she ok?”  Maggie sighed (I heard her eyes roll), she’s working on it. “No!!!  I’m not ok!!”  I thought to myself.  I can’t even get my damn foot in the wet suit.  Ethan was having the same issues.  He went through 3 suits and I went through 2 before we found suits we could fit in (and that was with silicone spray).  So now they know the sizes we’ll be renting.  We were fitted for CBs and then got gear.  I got flippers and booties, but since the kids will be growing I didn’t get them any – they can rent.  I did get us all masks and snorkels, plus the 3mm wetsuits we’ll need in Costa Rica(they had a great sale).  I did freak out a little at the cost, but on the flip side – this is a life lessons and a wonderful way for us to hang out together as a family.  I have only scuba’d in a pool and it was magical…. I can’t wait to explore Costa Rica with my kids.  

We headed home after a few stops (Ethan needed to pick up new speakers he got and Maggie needed jeans for her trip to Point Bonita on Monday).  I was exhausted and needed to shower to wash my hair so Mags can curl it in the morning.  We watched Office episodes.  Now there are some coworkers! Then the kids and I started our diving homework. We are THRILLED about our adventure.

Pictures:   And with that...I left; My favorite girls; Mr Curtis - helping humanity with a smile and a sparkle in his eyes; PADI adventures await!!! 

May 28, 2015

My stomach was on edge all night long and therefore sleep wasn’t great.  Still…that bed, those sheets.  My exsmil, who stays here while I’m away, said it’s the most comfortable bed she’s slept in and wanted to know the brand (Serta).  

I dropped the kids off at school, but it was an interesting morning before leaving.  Since I wasn’t going to work, I was in bed and therefore there was little action in the kitchen.  I had to tell Ethan we were leaving in 20 minutes before he moved.  Makes me feel like the life of the party.  <smile>  Once at home, I went back to sleep for a few hours until I could sleep no more due to back pain.  Holy hell, at this age if it’s not one thing it’s another and I’ve just started this journey.  I need to switch something up.

I am nervous.  Something in my universe is off and I am not sure what it is.  I’m into that deep cyclical thought-pattern which offers no solution, only repetition.  There is no finish line..only death.  There is no point at which everything “from here on out” is ok.  I keep thinking after tomorrow, stress will ease up, but that isn’t true.  There will be another stressor to fill this ones place.  I’m not a good employee…I’ve never been happy with where I am, and I’m terrified that won’t change with my career move.  Though I have to say..today I did “group” (only one kid showed) with a kid I know.  Because it was only him, we were able to go further with group and I enjoyed it – it came so naturally.  He enjoyed it – he opened up.  Of course, there is the paperwork (I started learning the computer component today), but I think I can do this.  I hope I can do this.  If there is a place to do it in.  Hence, the nervousness.

 

Home to my kids at a decent time.  Stomach still not great, but not like yesterday.  I tried cooking dinner, but that was  no-go.  The ex and the exmil both came over and I’ve arranged the CalPine week and HSMF/CostaRica with her.  I forgot the kids are going to San Diego with her so the scuba window just got a lot smaller. We only have the first 2 weeks in June.  I hope that works.  

Ethan just made me a bacon bowl.  It should have been horrible for my stomach but somehow the bacon won out.  Then he made a bacon bowl with egg, cheese sandwich.  Ohmygodyum.  Real food.  So I told him to go make me one.  I’m still waiting as he devours his.  I gave birth to that kid: eternal scar and he’s sitting here laughing with food.  Bastard.<grin>

Pictures:  The relationship begins.  I'm excited - this means a road trip to Santa Cruz!; Kombucha batch 3 "at work" and I bottled batch 2; Box breathing has been speaking to me; The bacon-bowl sandwich Ethan enjoyed.