June 23, 2015

Yesterday’s realization sat in my soul like a two-ton heavy thing.  Suddenly so many actions, decisions, and choices were brutally clear to me and I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that this is a piece of information I have carried with me my entire life – no “blocked memories” or anything of the sort.  All these years, so many people made comments to me about suspicions revolving an event having taken place in my past and there it was, the entire time, in the great wide open.  

Still, yesterday greatr things happened:  I managed to get all the remaining documents I need from my side and was able to locate document numbers for L to get his divorce records from his previous marriage.  I also wrote the Swiss consulate about all of the records from marriage to my first husband – it hopefully won’t be necessary – Switzerland will have to decide when I reapply for the passport.  

This morning I felt I was 4 steps behind for much of the day – I misplaced my calendar from the start, resulting in the constant attempts to get caught up, a tricky feat to manage when you’re somewhat lost, anyway in learning new <complicated> computer/paperwork.   Each file open with unfinished aspects, constantly behind.  Supervision, Intake, group, client.  And in between, colleagues helped me look for my calendar.  It was finally found – thank god – and then I was able to be behind in other ways!

Finally…close to 7 with only the clinical director in the office, I finished up and decided it was time to head home.  I stopped off for some soup (which is actually great in 90 degree weather) and came home to find the remnants of my missing W-2s from January.  USPS heartily apologized and assured me they would try better.  I watched The Office – sad to see the series coming to a close (after it’s been off the air for years, I know, but I am a late bloomer).   My scratchy eyes are in pain, but an eye appointment was  made today for Friday morning with an ophthalmologist as something is amiss.  I hope it’ll be ok – the Dead concert is the next day.

Great news – friends are going to HSMF (though I’ll have to miss Wednesday due to group that night) and friends are going to the Dead show Saturday – so once ago, I will not be alone in my aloneness.  This also means that (holy shit, Batman), we leave in 2 weeks for Costa Rica.  This is my first “real” vacation with my kids since going to Mexico with my dad 6 years ago and I saw today that I really do well with one.  I feel somewhat spoiled in saying that, since I feel I get a break often by going on adventure for a couple of days but this will be so magical for my tribe.  Can’t wait. 

Pictures: Sand tray - A lone ship floating on a sea of sand; My desk!!!; Vacation approved.