June 7, 2015

It is an unknown and unused wish for me, actually looking forward to school days so I can sleep in.  Sadly tomorrow will be the last as the kids will go to dad for a week.  I swiped them for an extra week, as it is, so that we could study the scuba material prior to class.  For the first time in three, maybe four days I pulled out the big guns (coffee) to help give me an edge as I knew hot water with lemon couldn’t pull its weight.

Headed towards Day Two, the kids and I happily made observances.  A crocheted wheel cover on a trailer was something that started my day off with a bit of flare.  ”Closing time!  Every new beginning comes from another beginning’s end….” <the song played, I wasn’t reliving The Office episode>  We made it early- the gates were locked and the lot sat empty, but we knew she was on her way (she lives in Napa and had the same length of drive time as I did, which surprised me).  We drive around and Ethan wanted to show me a rusted old car he’d seen the day before- it was a gorgeous late 50s Cadillac.   Soon Christy pulled in and we got right to work loading up the car with the extra 9 cylinders and the gear.  We were heading to one location, but it was gated, so we headed to Willow Creek.  Beautiful location!  The water however, was very much colder than yesterday’s lake.  

The kids, Mags especially, struggled with the temperature from the beginning.  The 7 mm wetsuits didn’t help very much at all.  Ethan did try to dive to do a mask clear in open water but there was an issue with the regulator and air in his nose, so they came up.  After that, Ethan was done.  Mags was shivering the whole time and her lips were tinged purple, so they left the water.  Christy and I started working on my skills.  

This is where the part about being the grown-up is tough.  That water was fucking cold! And the pressure from the depth (about 20 feet) and the murkiness of the water made it very, very scary.  The amygdala went crazy and there I am at the bottom of this dark river/lake thinking “I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!  I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO HERE!”  I was starting to panic about breathing and clearing and equalizing and and and.  I signaled “not good” and “up” and we headed up.  Talking about what was going on helped a lot and I felt a lot better, going down to do everything successfully.  I worked through the rest of my skills, feeling like a fish out of water.  This wasn’t natural for me.  It would take practice and work.  I remembered my motorcycle lessons: just as I was getting comfortable in one thing, they moved on, which is why I never finished that successfully.  At least here I knew how to swim.  Eventually we did all the open water stuff we could and headed back to take our final and do closed water skills.  Naturally, like the rest of the day, it seems every step forward I took results in 4 back.  I was very frustrated.  Frustrated with the kids, with me, with everything.  WHY?!?  WHY do I do these things?  Why can I not be happy just sitting at home, cleaning and doing yard work.  The kids were also testy and we ricocheted off of each other.  The   lady’s inability to understand our order (which was quite easy to comprehend) at Wendy’s finally brought us all back together as a family and we headed to Dolphin.

The test was the first thing.  Ethan and I passed, but Maggie’s tendency to rush because she thinks she understand what is being asked (when she really doesn’t) missed her passing by one question.  She needed to take it again while Ethan and I suited up.  She came, a passed 11 year old, and we worked on our controlled water skills. The kids were completely different here – like dolphins (ironically) in the water.  We finally finished everything up – about 11 hours after we started.  I was certified as an open-water PADI diver and the kids were signed off and what they had done and hopefully I could find and instructor for Thursday or Friday.  I.AM.SO.EXHAUSTED.  Ahhhh, Life.  Let’s see – since my divorce 6 years ago, I’ve started rock climbing,  tried getting licensed to ride motorcycles (some day), started hiking, gone on countless road trips, music fests, backpacking, have an amazing relationship with my kids, and now this.  I think I like it.

Pictures:  58 on the tank.  <3 DM :) ; Christmas in June.