June 9, 2015

Down for another day, I left the girl and headed to supervision with the clinical director.  Elton John’s voice mournfully lamented in never having known her as he was just a kid and instantly visions of the variation flashed in my mind as I burst into tears, missing my sweet childhood friend, Princess Diana.  Perhaps she wasn’t really my childhood friend, but I knew this woman, this friend to children.  Her pictures plastered the wooden walls of my room in our Austrian cabin.  Every night I went to sleep, seeing her kind, beautiful face, so in love with that Prince of hers.  My hormones must be fluctuating.

First thing I did at work was schedule 2 rooms for my clients on Friday morning.  I had managed to switch their appointments from Thursday to Friday so we are a-go for the scuba lessons from the instructor’s houseboat.  He told me there is a small wrecked sailboat at the bottom and it is quite clear, so that should be amazing.  I met with our director and showed her my files.  This is the part I am often confused in, for it takes me some time to understand what is needed and how it is needed before I can develop a system.  The great thing is that I have been shown many little tips and tricks and our director passed on additional words of wisdom (which are on a Post-It note).  I mentioned to a colleague who also works at the high school that when I am there, my mind is not.  I have no real input there and I see myself (realistically) for what I am, a warm body due to the nature of that classroom and teacher/student ratio.  My outlook is not self-pity; I simply understand my role and do not get the satisfaction out of it that I get here, at my site.  When I am here, all of me is here – my mind as well as my body. 

After, I hurried back home to check on my girl and get more things done at home.  I guess, theoretically, I should start packing for Calpine, since it is a mini-Hipnic.  Tomorrow is my long day away from work and Thursday I will be exhausted.  I tend to compartmentalize my weeks into dates – “Until CRB”, “Until Hipnic”, “Until Calpine”, “Until HSMF”, “Until Costa Rica”.  This is day 7 (work day-wise) of summer vacation and I have never moved so fast to get things done/get places in my life. I’m exhausted.

Group was my first co-facilitator of DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Theory) and I quite enjoyed it.  I have studied this before, but it will take some time to fully understand it.  I found it to be a very productive sessions and afterwards headed to grab some dinner.  I have eaten so poorly these last few days…being in such a rush is tricky.  My food planning is getting worse the older I get.  I blame it on too busy with other stuff.

Last client of the day was a sweetie…  Eyes lit up and lots of engaging with me.  We are building quite the therapeutic relationship, which is lovely.  Then home to my girl and some more cleaning.  I’m tired, I just stuffed myself silly with a new (to me) candy, Mike & Ike’s from last Halloween.  Who even cares <not me>….

Pictures: Scuba diving, take 3: 12 tanks, 3 cbds, 3 Farmer Johns, 2 boots, 2 fins, 2 gloves, 2 hoods and weights; my paper god.  I can't live without this thing.