Early up and…away we go to a parent/teacher conference about
my Boy. Today has been one of the most
difficult, frustrating, heart wrenching days I’ve had in a while. I didn’t bring my fire power with me ( stack
of papers 6 inches thick from preschool to now of his academic world, I didn’t
feel it would solve anything. They know
what has been written, so what good would it do? As I sat and the meeting began, my eyes were
met with another pair of eyes which should the same amount of concern I felt in
my heart. There is concern on their end,
too. My Boy really isn’t doing well. I mentioned the imminent Dark Cloud which had
been following him for all of his academic life, ever since he was at his very
first little pre-school. That damn cloud
won’t disappear and the last two years has grown larger and larger. I’m worried it is going to break him. There isn’t much to be done on their end, but
they will try for an IEP again, to give him more support. I have been filling out all sorts of everything,
calling them, talking to this, doing everything
within my power to help this Lost Soul out.
I wonder if I’m doing too much, not doing enough…I question what to say,
what not to say. And that’s me, I can’t
imagine things from his end.
The meeting ended and I headed home. I had a day to work on my Capstone. As soon as I got home I got the next email
saying the apartment we had successfully rented via AirBnB could not be rented
because her account had been hacked and it wasn’t actually available. Of course not. This is the 3rd cancellation. I began contacting people and sending emails instead
asking if flats were actually
available on such and such date. Marcos,
the hot Italian photographer wrote back that yes his was free and so I asked if
I could discuss it with my kids first.
He said sure, our love was sealed and off I went to Capstone it.
Only I didn’t, because I was reaching out and seeing what I
could do to help, find out, read, anything about helping a kid who just CAN’T. I chatted with folks at his school, I called
2 therapists (for him), I looked things up online, I talked to Jen about
Sensory Processing Disorder on top of ADD, followed my Major Depressive
Disorder. This kid, were I still where I
was last year (and were he in high school) would be in that class, because he
is so battered he could very well be disturbed, emotionally. And that kills me. I had to leave to see a client at 5, my sweet
boy at work. Before he got there,
though, Elena talked with me about my Boy, and what could be happening, what should
be looked at and addressed. I’m so
grateful for her and others like her who understand what this is like. Then my client showed up. This kid has stolen
my heart. After session, I went home and
had an incredible talk with my sister.
She’s pushing for me to move to North Carolina, which , honestly, if CH
doesn’t work (which is inching further and further away with Ethan), hell,
yeah, why not? I miss my sister desperately.
The kids and I had dinner (chicken and broccoli, Jake would
be proud, but cough is reemerging) and then I showed them the AirBnB flats and
we decided that yes, Marcos was our guy.
Then I took Ethan to go get some ice cream and we talked. It was not the most pleasant of talks…and
Ethan just sat. Mind you, I was so
gentle. My heart is breaking over this boy
but it had to be said – that this is bad
and it was getting worse. He knows. A few words came out, but then he sat. He wouldn’t answer… just sat. This is the tough part, when he shuts
off. I got 3 more packs of Halls (#6, 7
, 8, though these are smaller) & ice cream, but didn’t know what to get
mags and no idea about Ethan,. I knew it
had something to do with the Grateful Dead so I got Cherry Garcia, which didn’t
sound like Ethan, but was worth a try.
He began speaking when we started driving home…he said he
just doesn’t understand about the homework, the assignments. He gets the history class, because that’s
clear, but he is lost with the rest. He seemed
more at ease, for the moment. Turns out
he likes Half Baked (see? Grateful Dead!),
so now I have a freezer of Cherry Garcia, but oh well. We headed into the room and he talked a
little more after a while. He isn’t suicidal, but said he often feels
death would be so much easier, which I remember so well, myself.
Pictures: A Beautiful Sky
No comments:
Post a Comment