This morning, my face was treated to a smile so big because
I spoke with Gio. Gio and I go back to
high school – he was the best friend of my Him and so he was a big part of my
life back then. We have stayed in touch
over the years…and this friendship is one of the most precious things in my
life. It is a special friendship, an appreciation of the past and a strong understanding of one another. One day, we will have coffee together somewhere, hopefully in
Europe. We spoke of my sugar issue (I asked him because he is aware of such health issues) and he told me of a
method I should try called MMS. I’m going to do it,
but I need time, so probably over Christmas break.
After I spoke with him I had special visitors to my house –
Camille was visiting from Berlin and Rachel, who is one of the sweetest women I
know (she brought me food when I was ill).
One thing I’ll miss when I move from here is Amber’s spirit, which I
feel here (Rachel is Amber’s mom and Camille is the sister). Camille brought me…Freud! To go with my Einstein action figure
At 2, it was time to look at the next house…I don’t think
so. It is interesting, but I don’t feel
it. I talked to Sean more about the
Camino house and the Rescue house. I’m
really looking towards Camino, honestly, but… Universe knows. Then I headed to health food store number 1 –
no such bottle of what I need to buy, so I headed to the Placerville
Co-op. Here, I met Hugh and it was
incredible. This man asked me questions
about this sugar craving I have, but not just physical – emotional! He wondered (and no, I assured him it was not
too personal) if I was single, and did I want
to be…. Many of us eat because of
emotions – I eat because of emotions. I’m
not kidding – food is my sex life…it fires off those same chemicals in my brain
that I get when I am in love. We talked
for quite some time and in that time,
Universe was telling me the same thing it has been showing me signs about for
quite some time: I need to get up in the
morning and get active like I used to when I did yoga at 5:13 every
morning. I also need to cut out grains –
which is the same thing Gio had said. A
very valuable thing about this talk with Hugh is that I can still eat my
cranberries – I bought some Einkorn flour and will make it with that instead of
Bisquick. I also have been reintroduced
to Acetyl L-Carnetine (I used L-Carnetine when I was in my 20s and had quite the
hard-body) via Hugh, so I am quite excited about that. I know yoga would be ideal to get back to ,
but I may start with a walk.
Once I got home it was really time to get packing. I want as little in this house as possible,
though granted, I can’t carry large items to our storage area. The tough part is now it’s the trash, or
donate phase. Most of what is in storage
is keep or sell. The items still remaining
are the tricky ones. I spoke to Brent
and Travis – my god will I miss those two.
Brent has been the best neighbor ever.
There were some wonderfully inappropriate anal sex jokes made to lighten
my packing mood. Before I left to bring another
load to storage (the long horns were in this load), I made Cranberry Crunch
with Einkorn flour and Himalayan salt . I was nervous, though…it can’t be as good ,
can it?
It was time to burn.
I have held on to so many things from my past and I have a Very Strong
Suspicion that these items keep me in the past.
I have notes from a Him – a “book” he wrote for me, I have letters from
him and other hims… I have pictures, postcards, journals – SO MANY GODDAMN
JOURNALS! A tremendous part of my past
is this screwed up kid I was after my head injury, and yet here is all the evidence,
which I read and re-read every couple of years to remind myself again how
fucked up I was. SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO
BURN THOSE FUCKING JOURNALS! And that is
what I did tonight. I didn’t burn all of
the letters, a few I kept, but as I burned, I wished they were not in storage
because I would gotten them and burned them along with those years of pain. It’s ok, I have a feeling there will be
another burning very soon once storage is unpacked. The good memories I kept – the letters and
notes form my Swiss years – and then, once the dessert had finished and my Epsom salt bath
was complete, I ate, and oh, my goodness, such deliciousness. I am a happy camper.
Pictures: Burning the past - such a wise thing to do....; Rachel (no , I did not burn this), my number one 5aD reader and high school friend; Acceptance letter to Pepperdine - this was a good memory, but I burned it, anyway; So many wonderful forgotten memories I pressed into books. I also hide money in books and then forget; These are my little-now-big-ones about 9 years ago.
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