This morning (first wake-up at 4:54) I’m a little sad. There was this guy and the possibilities of something…there
was interest in him from me and beautiful words written about me from him…and yet, and yet.... It ended the way things often have in my life
in terms of "Possibility": nowhere…but for a moment, my heart was smiling with the joy of
“maybe”. 
The weather was so chilly last
night that Lizzie was not faring well and she was in a deep sleep. Around 10 I even got a blow dryer out there
to try to heat the engine, but she was too cold. In the meanwhile, I pumped air in my tires
and loaded the bike in the bus, then continued in the house with whatever it is
needed to be done. I dropped off some extras of recovery books I have (for some reason I have
many copies) at a transitional living house, then headed to make appointments
for the dogs at a kennel. Once that was
done, I headed back home where I knew Lizzie would start up and sure
enough she did. 
I hustled down to the body shop, worked things out with them,
threw on my camelback under my new Marmot jacket – a gift from my sister - and
unloaded the bike. The guys at the shop
offered to give me a ride home, but hell no!
This is an adventure!! I mounted
that bad boy (holy hell. Don’t go there,
Ali, don’t.go.there.) and headed off…for about 100 yards until the steep hill
really took off and I could do no more. I
had to push that bastard up the hill. My
thighs were on fire, my chest was pounding…and both of these were not in the good
way. At the top of the hill, a group of
quite handsome electricians were standing about and commented. Try as I might to be cute, I’m not sure my
words were even understood, so I continued on, with a panting smile. Lemme tell ya, though - I rocked the downhill. 
I had to hurry and get over to the new house to sign papers
and do a walk through. I was 20 minutes
early and walked into the house, looking for Sean, who was nowhere to be
found. Now common sense would tell you –
he’s there, just chill, but I kept yelling his name, looking everywhere…the poor
guy was trying to pee. At times, I am a neurotic
freak. Turns out, I needed to have a cashier's check, so (glad I was early), I raced to my bank, got it, and raced back. We went through the house, room
by room and then went over the paperwork.
I think he is starting to lighten up with me…when we got to the part
about drugs, etc – not even MJ – I giggled and said but I’m in recovery, so…and
he had to explain it was a blanket statement, nothing personal. We did crack some great meth jokes, though,
so I think he gets me now. I had to
scoot off to get the kids and we went right back to the house – they were IN LOVE
with it – the insides, the outsides…the size of my room…(which really is 4
times bigger than this one – it’s bigger than our living room. The great thing is we can start moving in now
– the bad thing is no, we can’t because we are leaving in 3 days.
We headed back home after a few other errands for
dinner..and then I realized I had packed up all the quick foods and there wasn’t
time for crockpot stuff, so we turned right around again and headed to the Chinese
food place. Home to more packing, but it
ended up more with dancing and singing (from me), napping (Ethan) and checking
out gift cards (Mags). The poor dogs are
nervous as hell, because it is evident something weird is happening. I came to my computer to finally sit down to
try to capture some moments from today when I saw a letter from Mags. It read:
“Europe, here I come…Thank you SO much, Mother, for letting US
experience all these different cultures.
You have NO idea what this means to me.
I admire you SO much, like how you always put us first before your work,
school, and frankly even your social life.
I love you SO MUCH! Like
seriously, I love you to the end of the earth I think it might be unhealthy…). –
Maggie"
That makes it all worth it.
Still…a guy, even a love-pen pal would be nice. I don't want that one-night thing...not into that. So ...I'll wait. I know, I know... he's in Switzerland, right?
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