December 10, 2015

Vivid happy dreams…the kind you never want to end, even though they’re about something ridiculous, like really shiny stairs.  There was no pressure this morning, no early client, no kids to school, so I lingered in that bed.  Flannel sheets are kind of like heaven: the warm little flannel-fingers give you hugs all the time.  Maybe I should move to Oregon and meet one of those Hipster guys who wears flannel all the time.

I was supposed to get things accomplished today – get this house into SHAPE.  Instead, I half-assed it and got a few books shelves organized, I went into the garage and did something minuscule in there.  Mostly I enjoyed the fact that it has been gloomy and rainy and BEAUTIFUL almost every day I have been here.  I am hoping there is a correlation between me living in the home and overcast days.  Somewhere in there, I did yoga and the stretching was better and more and longer. I am saying a silent prayer for muscle memory (esp. abdominal muscle memory).

After not accomplishing as much as I had hoped I would, I got dressed in my jeans and my super snappy purple Vans and I headed to work.  I wanted to get some paper work finished, but could not since I am still considered suspicious by our network system.  I hate getting new updates/upgrades – shit always goes wrong with me and tech.

I was ever-so-honored to hear from a friend – abut the beginnings of a romance.  I LOVED that so much.  I ABSOLUTELY-100 percently **LOVE** hearing and living vicariously through someone as they experience those heart-flutters.  I hope everything works out well.  I, myself, am kinda sad that  my butterflies are so quiet.  Every once in a while they get momentarily ruffled, but then…long sleep again.  Took Ethan to the check-up and was so PROUD to hear this kid TALKING to the physician.  6 months ago he would barely have looked up and grunted.  Tremendous change and really – my eyes had tears in them from joy.  Just don’t tell him I said that.

He had a basketball tournament today, but before we grabbed something to eat and talked a bit.  He said he had some important thinsg to discuss with me when we had some time, so I knew 20 minutes wouldn’t be long enough, but he is not wanting to go to Switzerland.  I didn’t push anything because when it comes down to it, if I shell out thousands to have my degrees recognized there and go to all this effort, there isn’t an option to stay here.  We will try it for a period of time, 1—2 years.  At the game, I talked to L about needing his input and support.  He mentioned how he would have loved the opportunity, so I gently reminded him I gave him the chance but he’d mentioned not wanting to re-learn electrical (Europe is 240 and US is 120).  He then added the language factor.  There are tons of English speaker!  I said…  “I didn’t hear anybody when we were there…”.  .  He spoke with Ethan tonight and said he seems a bit better, told him I’d need his help.  Yes, of course I will.  I’ll need both my kids to help me. 

Pic 'n Flick: The sky had this horrid BLUE in it for a minute today, but thankfully not at my house; my Duraflame Crackleflame on steroids.   

Huh.  Just realize that had I not gone out again, I would have 22 years sober today instead of 11, but I ain't complainin'.

November 17, 2015

I guess 4:54 works for me, because this is the second night in a row..second morning in a row I’ve woken up at this ungodly hour, yet I like it.  I’ve had two great days…I feel alive, energetic- on fiyah.  As soon as things are set up, you bet your sweet ass I’m starting up yoga in the early a.m. again.  I tried to a few weeks ago, except the dvd player has been packed up and moved into storage.  Dropped kids off at school – these mornings are incredible – the fun we have.  Ethan laughed and called me “unique.” 

I headed right to work to quickly get some stuff done before I needed to head off to my school site.  I have 76 things to do and zip to zero time in which to do it.  Somehow though, those phone calls are no longer frightening for me.  I no longer stumble over what to say.  I’m still faking it a bit, but boy, oh boy, I feel like I’m making it more.  Off to school and I realized it (the school) was possessed.  Here’s the sitch:  I walked in to the room, into the office to use.  I set down my things and then boom.  Keys were GONE.  I searched everywhere at least three times.  The thing is, I had to have keys to get into the room, so I knew they had to be there – except they weren’t.  I went outside, and then…door locked behind me (of course) so Trish had to give ne another loaner key to get back in.  My client was there, waiting, and smiled when she saw she was needed for a second pair of eyes.  It worked, too…because suddenly, there they were…in my coat which I had already checked three times.  We had a good session – first talking, then I pulled out origami paper and magic sand.  A little different than her usual, but switching things up is a good thing sometimes.

No place to be for a while so I brought the English bone china teacups and saucers as well as Currier & Ives calendars to an antique store.  It sure is fun discussing this stuff and then telling them you just donated crystal European wine and cognac decanters.  Next, shoe place to pick up my boots (where I wrote in the item line “I got sole, baby!” because I now had two new soles on my boots).  Then..I saw I’d grabbed the bus keys instead of the Mazda keys and so…I went in to let them know I was going to run home to get my spare key.  “We could give you a ride” they said, but no, no…life is an adventure and had I not walked home I wouldn’t have seen Stefanie from the B&B that I worked the Sand Fire with, nor would I have seen the doe standing high on the hill, looking down at me and watching my every move.  Had they given me a ride, I wouldn’t have quickly checked Ethan’s texts to make sure all was kosher and seen his kissy faces and hearts to a young lady I have known he has a crush on, but he won’t tell me.  She responded with kissy faces and hearts, too.   I love that so.very.much.  I got to run half a mile back to the show place and donate items to hospice, still make it on time for supervision.

I’ve been in plenty of communication with Marco – my handsome AirBnB host, enjoying the German communique.  My godmother also wrote me – my heart breaks for her as she must endure chemo.  I’ll find out more about her cancer diagnosis when I get there, but she will be so weak.   She let me know how the cold weather, rain and snow is arriving with us and this is information I already knew, but we will be in Zürich, my city. The weather matters not.  After supervision (not really sure why I just threw that in that time slot, but I received emails from both throughout the day, so there ya have it), I got back on the phone. This is not necessarily “productive” work, but it is necessary work.    I spoke with many parents, many referrals and feel like a little something was accomplished…but after a time period, I had to go get my kids.  The day was just too busy to be able to pick them up later.  Point Two about Zürich – excellent public transportation: tram, bus, train, ferry – you can get there.  I wouldn’t have to stop work to go get them, they could hop on a tram as I did and get home themselves.  

Dropped kids off at home, grabbed keys, wallet, and headed off quickly to my 4:00.  Again, origami and magic sand after talking a bit.  I feel I am creating good therapeutic relationships with these kids, that they feel comfortable with me.  Still – looking forward to the kids in juvenile hall.  Then…Parent Project group with my Jen.  This one is a human I met when our older kids were tiny young ones.  We met in a park and spoke as we had been friends forever.  8 years later, here we are working together and I love that.  Jen is a magical human – filled with light.  I’m serious: she radiates happiness.  I gave her the task of finding me my guy  - someone who is decent and good and in it for a committed partnership – not just a fling.  I kind of wonder how awesome this dude is if it is taking this long to find him(CH – I know).  Jen is the one, who, after we have both had 12 hour work days, she waits in the parking lot to make sure my car is running and I’m moving before she goes anywhere. I love that.  When I got home, I saw the kids had done an amazing job in packing up  - Maggie cleaned out the whole bathroom and Ethan cleaned and emptied his room.  These kids impress me to no end. 

Pictures:  5 years and school makes a difference. My inspiration pic of me to get me back to rock-climbing yoga days; There was a beautiful sunset tonight;  Just making sure my daughter knew I was at work tonight.