December 13, 2015

Woke up and when I looked out of the window (after some weak coffee, which is a stubbed-toe start of the day) I saw we were embraced by soft, gray clouds.  It was perfect.  Ethan was to be home around 9 and Maggie was still sleeping.  I went in to the living area, sitting there, waiting for Ethan.  He arrived right around 9 and the joy from Mabi cannot be described.  She hadn’t seen him in over 2 weeks (she was at the kennel the night he stayed here after Switzerland).  I trimmed the tree to some one of the coolest soundtracks that exists (to me): Boogie Nights.  Soon, trimming ceased and I was just dancing.

Sadly, there was stuff to do (regarding the new house and preparing for the field trip) so we headed out in the glorious rain and wind.  First to Home Depot where I bought an attachment for the sink faucet here, some LED lights, a hatchet, metal pail, etc.  Then off to Lee’s Feed for crickets and Target to get gifts for my niece and nephew, plus more LED lights.  Ethan was asleep most of the time, so Maggie and I talked.  As we headed up the hill, I drove past a horse stable and thought of consistency and stability.  It takes that to be at a stable: the stalls must be mucked and raked, the horses feed and brushed.  I yearn for consistency and stability in my life…getting up at ---, always in bed at ----.  Do this job in this way and always have dinner at 6, yet I am the furthest thing from that.  What’s more, if my life does get some consistency and routine (I do have stability), I get bored..so bored.

We grabbed lunch and headed back home.  I looked over at Maggie and said, “Girl, I can’t keep eating like this with you.  It has to stop.”  She, the string bean little girl,  giggled and said “fat girls 4 lyfe.”  I hope she has her father’s genes when she hits her forties.  

When we got home we unpacked everything and putting them where they belonged:  The sink got her attachments (works so well now!), Ethan began chopping  up kindling and cleaning the stove, Mags got busy with laundry.  We started putting up Christmas lights out doors as I decided it was a Good Idea (this is why I rarely accomplish goals) , but it was worth it.  I love working on a project like this with my kids, plus, it was just a little…not too time consuming.

I whipped up dinner and then we (meaning Ethan and I) sat down to watch “Smokey & the Bandit” which is one of my favorite movies.  It brought back memories of my own road trips between Dallas and Midland and how truckers would help me out.  Life was simple then…it’s about to get super complicated for me, I think.  So glad there’s a second movie.

Picture:  Just thinking about the SF Giants....

December 12, 2015

I really wish I could stop waking up around 4:30 as it really sucks getting tired around 8 in the evening.  Ethan’s game was to start at 8, so I knew I needed to leave by 7:45 and before I knew it, it was 7:24, so that knocked my yoga plans right put the door.  It was under 32 degrees last night – frost all over the deck.  I love this weather.  

The game began. Within minutes the score was ten  to one, their team.  It was a brutal game.  In fact, I’m quite sure many of the opposing team were actually college freshman for Michigan State’s basketball team.  The score ended up, opponentrs ahead 64-22.  The loss meant a noon consolation game, so I hustled off to my former neighbor’s where I had lived when I was married.  This house was built by this couple, Sam and Shelley and it is one of the nicest homes I have ever been in.  They had added to the home since I had last seen it, added to the deck, to the pool they had built themselves.  I was astounded.   We talked a bit, caught up on news, then they gave me a lot of firewood.  Soon, I will be going to help them split wood so I can get more.  

Headed off to pay off credit card bills from the Europe trip, then I headed back to game two.  I didn’t see my daughter anywhere (L was supposed to bring her to the game) and he told me she hadn’t wanted to come, that she had said she’s texted me and I said I would get her after the game.  Now, I’m not going to complain, but there are many reasons why this piece of news was the straw the broke the camel’s back.  I stomped outside, quite huffy-like, because I wanted to “get some air” (as I told him), then texted Maggie that NO,  she had not asked me to pick her up, etc.   After a moment or two, I returned to my seat and noticed L was no longer there. I sat and watched the game.  Game two was…not  any better.  The slaughter was as severe, only the team wasn’t as brutal.  The best thing, however, was watching Ethan laughing and having a wonderful time with his teammates across from me.  Eventually I noticed a man who looked like L sitting next to some high school girls.  It was about 5 minutes after this that I realized one of the high school girls was wearing the boots Maggie had purchased with me a few weeks ago.  That high school girl was my daughter.  Immediately, I texted L an apology and did the same for Maggie.  

After the game, Boy headed off to spend the night with his friend and the girl and I headed home to unload the wood.  She hadn’t been to the house since we returned from Switzerland and hadn’t seen it unpacked.  The pups were so happy to see their girl again.  We took care of a few things and then off to go get a Christmas tree. No decorating yet as Christkindl will decorate it on the 24^th with me and both kids, since Mags is 12 now.  I was sad Ethan wasn’t with us, but…those kids are growing up.  Soon it’ll be just me getting the tree and all the rest, so…I was happy my girl was with me.  It was time, then, for Maggie to help me get some clothes for Hipsmas.  I have no “nice” clothes  and wanted her input.  I am still not a “girl”…my shows are boots or high tops or Merrells and all my dresses are pre-grad school size.  While Mags said I looked beautiful in the 2 dresses I tried on, I call hogwash on that one.  I’ve watched football for much of my early life and now exactly what a linebacker would look like in a dress – and that was me.  I’ll make another effort tomorrow, but for now, no way.

Off for dinner where Mags selected the music after being subjected to my “Toy Dolls” selection. She chose Mackelmore , initially, but then went with NWA.  My skinny little white girl daughter loves NWA, which is kinda rad. I listened to them when I was a teen, though not as young, but rap was brand new at that point where I have introduced my kids to just about everything.  Then home to start the fire where it only took me about an hour to get it going (face smash).  I have no idea about wood stoves and am grateful Bridget wrote how to prime it.  I’ll try that soon.  I need to get an ax to chop the kindling smaller and get more newspaper.  We sat down and watched Elf together, though I really wanted to watch an old Burt Reynold’s movie (we say a bit of ‘Shamus’ while we were eating and it brought back happy-feely memories), but that’ll be for tomorrow when Ethan is here.  

Pictures: Court-side seats!!!; First thing I saw this morning; Mags hugging our tree.

November 17, 2015

I guess 4:54 works for me, because this is the second night in a row..second morning in a row I’ve woken up at this ungodly hour, yet I like it.  I’ve had two great days…I feel alive, energetic- on fiyah.  As soon as things are set up, you bet your sweet ass I’m starting up yoga in the early a.m. again.  I tried to a few weeks ago, except the dvd player has been packed up and moved into storage.  Dropped kids off at school – these mornings are incredible – the fun we have.  Ethan laughed and called me “unique.” 

I headed right to work to quickly get some stuff done before I needed to head off to my school site.  I have 76 things to do and zip to zero time in which to do it.  Somehow though, those phone calls are no longer frightening for me.  I no longer stumble over what to say.  I’m still faking it a bit, but boy, oh boy, I feel like I’m making it more.  Off to school and I realized it (the school) was possessed.  Here’s the sitch:  I walked in to the room, into the office to use.  I set down my things and then boom.  Keys were GONE.  I searched everywhere at least three times.  The thing is, I had to have keys to get into the room, so I knew they had to be there – except they weren’t.  I went outside, and then…door locked behind me (of course) so Trish had to give ne another loaner key to get back in.  My client was there, waiting, and smiled when she saw she was needed for a second pair of eyes.  It worked, too…because suddenly, there they were…in my coat which I had already checked three times.  We had a good session – first talking, then I pulled out origami paper and magic sand.  A little different than her usual, but switching things up is a good thing sometimes.

No place to be for a while so I brought the English bone china teacups and saucers as well as Currier & Ives calendars to an antique store.  It sure is fun discussing this stuff and then telling them you just donated crystal European wine and cognac decanters.  Next, shoe place to pick up my boots (where I wrote in the item line “I got sole, baby!” because I now had two new soles on my boots).  Then..I saw I’d grabbed the bus keys instead of the Mazda keys and so…I went in to let them know I was going to run home to get my spare key.  “We could give you a ride” they said, but no, no…life is an adventure and had I not walked home I wouldn’t have seen Stefanie from the B&B that I worked the Sand Fire with, nor would I have seen the doe standing high on the hill, looking down at me and watching my every move.  Had they given me a ride, I wouldn’t have quickly checked Ethan’s texts to make sure all was kosher and seen his kissy faces and hearts to a young lady I have known he has a crush on, but he won’t tell me.  She responded with kissy faces and hearts, too.   I love that so.very.much.  I got to run half a mile back to the show place and donate items to hospice, still make it on time for supervision.

I’ve been in plenty of communication with Marco – my handsome AirBnB host, enjoying the German communique.  My godmother also wrote me – my heart breaks for her as she must endure chemo.  I’ll find out more about her cancer diagnosis when I get there, but she will be so weak.   She let me know how the cold weather, rain and snow is arriving with us and this is information I already knew, but we will be in Zürich, my city. The weather matters not.  After supervision (not really sure why I just threw that in that time slot, but I received emails from both throughout the day, so there ya have it), I got back on the phone. This is not necessarily “productive” work, but it is necessary work.    I spoke with many parents, many referrals and feel like a little something was accomplished…but after a time period, I had to go get my kids.  The day was just too busy to be able to pick them up later.  Point Two about Zürich – excellent public transportation: tram, bus, train, ferry – you can get there.  I wouldn’t have to stop work to go get them, they could hop on a tram as I did and get home themselves.  

Dropped kids off at home, grabbed keys, wallet, and headed off quickly to my 4:00.  Again, origami and magic sand after talking a bit.  I feel I am creating good therapeutic relationships with these kids, that they feel comfortable with me.  Still – looking forward to the kids in juvenile hall.  Then…Parent Project group with my Jen.  This one is a human I met when our older kids were tiny young ones.  We met in a park and spoke as we had been friends forever.  8 years later, here we are working together and I love that.  Jen is a magical human – filled with light.  I’m serious: she radiates happiness.  I gave her the task of finding me my guy  - someone who is decent and good and in it for a committed partnership – not just a fling.  I kind of wonder how awesome this dude is if it is taking this long to find him(CH – I know).  Jen is the one, who, after we have both had 12 hour work days, she waits in the parking lot to make sure my car is running and I’m moving before she goes anywhere. I love that.  When I got home, I saw the kids had done an amazing job in packing up  - Maggie cleaned out the whole bathroom and Ethan cleaned and emptied his room.  These kids impress me to no end. 

Pictures:  5 years and school makes a difference. My inspiration pic of me to get me back to rock-climbing yoga days; There was a beautiful sunset tonight;  Just making sure my daughter knew I was at work tonight. 

Septmember 30, 2015

I had a perfect night of sleep.  No freaky dreams, no alarm clocks, no warm temps, instead my duvet cradled me in its arms and made sure I slumbered.  I enjoyed my coffee, my eggs and spinach (it’s a way of life now since the possibility of mouse results in no bread for my PB bread).  The dogs were happy, the clouds were gray, and life was good. 

Life got much, much better with the soft yet persistent tapping of rain on the roof began.   This was a dream come true.  I sat outside and recorded the sound for a bit – I have to have it on a soundbite to soothe me when I need that little peace.  I headed to work for group supervision.  We were close to being done when I got an email.  There was “an incident” with Ethan at school and it broke my heart.  Not really such a big deal, but his reactions show me that there is a self-fulfilled prophecy and he is damn sure doing his best to make sure it comes true.

I couldn’t stay at work after group was finished and headed to school as I figured talking to him and the teachers in person would be the best thing to do.  The front office called for Ethan and we headed to my car, where we sat and talked.  Correction, I (mostly) talked. Ethan listened.  And then I stopped talking.  Why?  Because it isn’t my problem.  How he behaves and the consequences he received are his problem.  I need to learn my job as facilitator better, so I can help support him in the choices he makes (both good and not-so-good behaviors).  One thing I won’t do is ignore it.  Just because it isn’t my problem doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect me tremendously:  this is my kid and I remember those same horrible teen days very, very well.  Constantly making the wrong choices and then having to clean up the mess (and oh, my – they were HUGE messes). Ethan and I made the rounds – first to the dean of students, then to the teacher involved with “The Incident”.  I don’t know if that was good or not, but I feel you have to go back and cross your t’s and dot your I’s and that is what this is about, approaching the issue, not just going home and hoping it goes away.  I want to teach him to solve problems.

I left him in his dad’s care (with a lot of coaxing to dad about his powerful body language and how intimidating it is) and headed back to my work tribe since I had a client at 5.  I also made phone calls to our county rep who handles homeless youth. After the client, as we all sat in the office with the beautiful overcast sky looking at us from outside, I felt Joy.  There we were, all paperworking, but it was so beautiful.

This carried on into my trip to the store…it was almost like walking in a slow-motion film - you notice the smallest of things and those sites are so Perfectly Life.  The smile from the pharmacist as he talks on the phone, a women smiling at her three year old son, who is sitting in the shopping basket .  I headed home, where I ate some fruit….which was in a tart, and felt all-the-healthier for caring for my nutritional needs.  Yay, me.

Pics 'n flicks: CBT notes for Weber (ugh); Horses by Ethan's school; The Clouds looking in to our office; Raindrops <3 i="">