August 4, 2014

Woke up after a near-perfect night sleep only to remember that  I had experienced trouble the night before with posting.  As conflicted as I often feel about writing, I have to admit that it has become a part of my life and I am committed to it…even when I’m so very tired.  Other than a few misses (some of them out of my control), I’ve been fairly good about posting.  I had asked a computer-savy neighbor friend about the trouble and she mentioned that it sounded like it had been blocked..that a lot of people tend to get feathers ruffled for one reason or another and complain, which results in it not being allowed on FB.  I’m not down with that.  If something bothers me, I either ignore the post and deal with it on my own or I’ll ask the person about it.  The only way I’d file a complaint is if it was criminal activity in the sense of a child or other helpless person being harmed.  Free country, my ass....

It was a GORGEOUS morning – 70s, overcast with humidity.  Days like this are so precious to me and I decided if Switzerland/Austria doesn’t fall through, I need to find a place to live which has this type of weather most of the time.  42 years of sunshine is depressing as hell.  I headed out on errands, with Chris Cornell and Sound Garden popping up on my shuffle.  This song make me want to have sex, I am not gonna lie.  Not long after, and I couldn’t make this shit up if you paid me, I was in the living room of my friend, holding her hairless rat Niko, WHICH FEELS VERY MUCH LIKE A HUMAN PENIS (with whiskers, even).  I was eerily comforted and realized that when things got very bad, I could just come over for a rat visit.  It isn’t much, but I’m grateful for whatever I can get.  Of course, another thought which absolutely terrifies me now,  is that if I should ever experience “relations” again, my mind will drift to hairless rats.  #ohbaby

Went to TJ Maxx, to see about shopping for some clothing… I was very confused with all the floral patterns and stripes.  I just want a couple of  pairs of pants and different shirts that I can mix around..I’m not a “Maxxinista”, or whatever.  I’m simple: muted colors which do not make me stand out in a crowd.  I headed next door to the "new" Ross, which already looks like it's been open 28 years (2 weeks ago was opening, I think?),  grabbed stretch pants and 5 tops.  Perfect.  I didn’t try them on, I’ll do that at home.

My thighs are killing me!!!  Those squats I did yesterday really did something.  Tomorrow I’m back on legs , surprisingly as the kids and I have scheduled to ride bikes to the theater.  It shouldn’t be too bad biking down, but back?  It’s uphill.  It’s gonna be a looonnngg  walk.  As soon as the kids got to my place tonight, we headed to Home Depot before they closed.  We needed to o buy electrical tape for Ethan’s experiments.  I also took this daily opportunity to remind them, as I have for many years, that I will be monitoring them when they get their driver’s licenses and if I EVER see them driving the way I saw a former student driving today, I will take the keys back.  Or is it “I will take back the keys”?? This is where the English/German thing kills me.  The kids saw my philosophy books and are wondering “how we’re gonna get all my books to Europe”.  Glad that seed is actively growing.

Kind of rough on the “other family” front…a   mess from misunderstandings, hurt, fear, anger, resentment.  I know, because for so long I was the one with all those emotions as they all “familied” without me.  The silver lining from all of that is I was able to learn a lot about families in crisis.  I have also learned a lot of “what not to do”.  I don’t avoid talking about things, I don’t pretend issues don’t exist, I have tried my damndest to establish an open, upfront relationship with my kids, and have succeeded, I believe, up to this point (the teen years are on the cusp and I know things could change, but I hope I’ve done enough).   We shall see.