September 18, 2014

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ast night, two things really cheered me to the depths of my soul:  Out of the blue, Ethan told me (loudly) that he loved me and Maggie said, “It may be off topic, but I think you’d make a good lawyer.  I can picture you in a cute pant suit.”  I awoke to the misty smell of rain…(though there was none), but the sad report of over 70 thousand acres burned.  My up time (without alarm) was 4:52: there was bidness to be did.  Yoga first, then filling out paperwork, updating cover letters, resumes, etc and getting those emailed.

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 think the highlight of my work day was the clouds and the fact that a text from a classmate (from long ago) called me “baby girl.”  <sigh>  I’m a sucker for affectionate names. . That and student X and I kicked ass in ICT with Excel.   Later, I spoke to someone who validated issues I’m experiencing.  I’m not where I am supposed to be and it is time to move along.  To me, the most important thing about kids I come in contact with is building a relationship with them (ironically, this is the same thing I am taught in class). 

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his evening, Ethan and I attended the memorial service.  I saw someone I knew there (yyyyeeeaaaahhhh….) and I think it freaked him out to see me in a nice back dress with pearls (out of curiosity, how can I be swimming in a size 8 dress, but size 8 jeans feel too tight??).   Simlpy being there rushed me back and I easily recalled the feelings of shock and disbelief I experienced 4 years ago after a helter-skelter “here he is, now he’s gone” that I experienced with my dad (I received a phone call and 3 hours later he was dead).  My heart physically hurts for the family and loved ones of this courageous young man and I cannot  imagine their pain.  After a lifetime of medical issues, he had just celebrated 3 years cancer free, when 4 days later he passed away.  I was thrilled to see 3 of Michael’s friends (including Ethan) had come to the service to support him.  That’s what friends do.

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than and I came back home and I was grateful.  Grateful for the little girl, who, instead of taking a shower, was busy watching Ink Masters (or possibly Brideplasty, since she knows I’ll pitch a fit if I see it on when I’m here), grateful for the boy who was so embarrassed of his mother’s tears, grateful for the girl who is going to grandma’s tomorrow night, then wants to go to a friend’s house Saturday night, instead of us going to cycle in Davis.  Grateful for the boy who asked to go to the football game as soon as he got in the car after I spent 15 minutes waiting for him. These beautiful children are my loves, but we are all human: things happen.  Life changes in an instant and I must remember that those things that drive me bonkers are the things I will cry for, so I must remember that it is ALL special, for it is ALL my children.

            Love and Death By Lord Tennyson

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hat time the mighty moon was gathering light
Love paced the thymy plots of Paradise,
And all about him roll'd his lustrous eyes;
When, turning round a cassia, full in view
Death, walking all alone beneath a yew,
And talking to himself, first met his sight:
"You must begone," said Death, "these walks are mine".
Love wept and spread his sheeny vans for flight;
Yet ere he parted said, "This hour is thine;
Thou art the shadow of life, and as the tree
Stands in the sun and shadows all beneath,
So in the light of great eternity
Life eminent creates the shade of death;
The shadow passeth when the tree shall fall,
But I shall reign for ever over all".

 Picture: In memory of Sean Kelly