November 15, 2014

 I fell in love today.  Mind you, I've always loved him, yet today..again... I fell in love with a beautiful boy who was excited to explore and wanted to try things and was willing to push himself.  I haven’t seen that boy in quite some time.  Yes, I realize the trouble of late seems brief, but it didn’t get there overnight, and as I wrote last night, I’m aware that this is a part of his journey and the tough stuff isn’t over, but my god... it was nice to see my boy again and spend time with him.

We began by making charcloth from a tshirt in an Altoids tin using my pocket rocket.  Then we tried to discover if there is natural flint in the area…couldn’t really locate that information, so we went on a hike to look for some.  This hike was to on the flume trail I took a month or so ago for my ten-year sobriety hike…down the south fork of the American River.  Ethan brought my mountain bike along and had a blast riding down (and often back up) the trail, reminding me again, as I thought of it with Maggie Cappadona this morning, how as children, my sisters and I would take our scooters in Austria (our cabin was at the base of a steep road on top of a mountain), set lookouts at the top and bottom, then ride down on the scooter, hitting ridiculously high speeds – no helmets, no knee/elbow pads, and we had a blast.  WE knew we could be injured very badly if we fell, but it was worth it.  Did our mom know we were doing this?   Indeed she did, and she let us explore, live and be kids.  Of course, it was a different era…moms weren’t on constant alert for pedophiles, CPS, etc, the way we seem to be now.  I think we shelter our kids far too much.  Still, did I almost die as Ethan came racing down the hill towards me on the trail today?  Hell, yes.  Did I shout “Be CAREFUL~!!!” You could have DIED!!” causing him to burst into laughter at the expression on my face as he passed me?  Absolutely.  I may think kids are too sheltered, but it doesn’t mean I don’t react.

We had much fun at the river.  A young couple was there, gold panning, but otherwise we were on  our own.   Mabi was whining from the get go to throw her stick and so we did.  She actually swam in the river – to a certain extent- to get her stick, but when the current was too much, she retreated.  Ethan and I had fun exploring the river bed and at one point, half of me fell in the water.  No big deal.  It isn’t ice-cold water yet. We heated up river water in the jet boil and had a bag of dehydrated beef stew.  It was delicious.  Ethan also made us some pine needle tea, something he learned when we went “Wandern” in Austria 5 years ago, which was also quite good.  We headed back up the trail, which was as long and steep as ever (plus he had a bike to push – though he did ride it partially uphill).  We then went to pick up Maggie at her friend’s house.

After we collected Mags, we headed home, where I heated up the Coq au Vin leftovers – so, soo good.  We watched the remainder of The Pacific.  Though we enjoyed it, and I learned a great deal about the Pacific War, to me it wasn’t as good as Band of Brothers.  The character depth wasn’t as great and because of the basis, there was really little that could be done to still tell the true story.  As a character (who had fought in Normandy) towards the end says, they had Paris and London, the Pacific crew just had rain and mud and war.  It isn’t the same.  It amazed me how fierce the fighting was in Peleliu  and Pavuvu, and I’d never heard of these places, only Guadalcanal and Iwo Jima.  Fierce, fierce war.  I’m going to get Sledge’s book (of course I am) “The Old Breed” and perhaps Leckie’s book “A Helmet for my Pillow.”

And so, my kids are in bed…I had some very important, meaningful hours with my boy.  I’m late with a lot of my homework, but this is something that couldn’t be put off, and I don’t regret it one bit.  I’ve kept my instructors aware of what is going on, as well as The Doctor at school.  I’ve done all I can to give myself fully to my boy, to show him I am here for him.  Tomorrow will be lots of homework for both of us, but that’s ok.  It was soooo worth it.

Pictures: The beautiful view of the South Fork of the American River; Our charcloth-making.  It worked out very well!;  Heading UP the trail; Ethan getting water.  His only request was not to post it on Instagram where his friends would see it.  <3