March 20, 2015

Let’s move right past work….  Parts were nice, others not so, but it is all as it should be…. This, I know.      I immediately went to pick Ethan up at school (oh, I’m forgetting a great deal about how the morning went, etc.  I had given Maggie a note that Ethan was NOT to go home with ___and that Maggie was going home with ___.  As I dropped them off –in the bus since the Mazda tires are horrid- I told Maggie to have fun and Ethan that I’d see him there at 3ish.) and found he was not there.  I wondered how this could be as I had sent the note.  Turns out the info on the note was not passed down to Those Who Needed To Know.  I highly doubted Ethan would have his friend over the house again because Ethan isn’t that kind of a defiant kid, not over something like this.  I ended up having a good conversation with a teacher until I remembered I had a client at 5, so off I went in my little Lizzie Mae.

 

At home, it seemed Ethan never heard the “See you here at 3ish.”  I need to be more explicit. I remember being that age and every vague sentence gave me more room to finagle. I have a lot of room for growth in this area.  I frequently question my parenting with Ethan – will it be right for him or will it add to his downfall?  Ethan and Mags are two different personalities – with Maggie, she responds differently, she understands differently…it is nothing like Ethan.  I wonder if my parenting created his response-system or if I treat him the way I do because of how he is?  Is it cause and effect or not?  Whatever the case, I had a talk with him tonight –*more on that later.

I headed to my practicum site and made two phone calls.  I get nervous about my phone calls and sat in the office with the site director so she could critique my words.  She said I did well and gave me suggestions when I asked for some.  I feel I’m very good at asking for help or suggestions, yet at the same time, my confidence level is somewhat low.  This may be because it has taken me so long to get here (where I hope belong) and I feel I’ve been an imposter the previous 15 years. For the 3^rd time, the client was a no-show, so I will be leaving a message that the file will be closed.  I won’t keep waiting.

It was a sushi day after this hellish week, so I told Ethan to throw on a shirt, we were going for dinner.  There was grumbling and mumbling and seriously – I don’t need that after the week I’ve had, so I told him I’d go alone, yet he sauntered out as I was fastening my seat belt.  We headed off to Kobi Sushi and by the time I parked, he was in a much better mood.  My sushi took a long time to get there so I quickly inhaled it and we headed off to Auto Zone for the terminal, the Home Depot for lawnmower air filter (which we couldn’t get since it was a Sear’s mower. And I hadn’t checked on the speak plug needed).  I was fortunate enough, however to have asked a man about the threading issue for the sink with the parts I had purchased last weekend and he gave me information of gold – the parts from HD wouldn’t fit because RV and home appliances are completely different.  He told me of an RV shop which is on my way home from work.  At home Ethan and  I went out to my work-port (after I backed Lizzie into a completely dark driveway which was terrifying). The work lamp I had just bought at HD had shattered bulbs, so I worked on the switching out the terminal post with a  tiny flashlight.  All went well until I tried putting the post on the battery. I’ll have to go back for help.   It has been frustrating.  Not one thing I have tried doing myself has worked without problems.  Hell, even filling up with gasoline is tough.

*To top off a difficult week,  I see Ethan has, once again, taken out my tools and left them for me to clean up.  This was the straw that broke it.  For years and years and years, my responses to Ethan have always been different than to Maggie (but to be honest Maggie watches what Ethan does and simply doesn’t do those things).  As of late, choices are being made that are resulting in consequences for Ethan which aren’t pleasant ones as he is entering the years of adolescence.  Alcohol, substance use, automobile behavior – these things are looming.  His choices now include, according to his instructors, associating with kids who have a negative attitude and believe that if they don’t get caught, it’s not wrong.  This doesn’t bode well.  I am not sure what to do.  The sports Ethan excels at (which have honestly been most sports he has tried) also require input from him and he isn‘t that interested in that.  He LOVES building and creating – something which excites me very much, but as much as I am gone (work, practicum, class), I haven’t been able to participate as much as I’d like.  Yes – we go to Home Depot to get him parts – yes I watch him create when he is here and I am really interested in it because that fascinates me.  But how to do I foster this while I am away?  It is difficult being a single parent and as much as L helps and really is a terrific co-parent, it is still tough, because he gets frustrated helping E with homework, because of his own stuff at his GFs house, which isn’t probably very helpful. I talked to Ethan – about his choices, about the consequences, about that he is 13 now and things he is doing aren’t ok. I was angry and he knew it.   Dadgummit.  This is probably too much information….Anyway – a great link which has an additional link on adolescent thinking.  Off for my second cup of coffee  on a Saturday morning…my favorite time.

http://www.human.cornell.edu/hd/outreach-extension/upload/reyna-rtr.pdf

Pictures:  My work-port  (since I don't have a garage, I use the carport).  If you look closely, you can see Mabi's glowing eyes.  Annie was in there, too, but was hidden; Tennis courts at work; "Oel"....I miss German-speaking life; 42 more days 'til summer.