March 22, 2015

It was such a nice sleep…. Saturday nights are lovely for me because my Sunday mornings are usually much more relaxing.  Then I remembered the episode with Lizzie and I was saddened.  Who knows when she’ll be fixed.  I need to call German Auto Werks and cancel the appointment because I have no idea how I would get the bus there.  Rats.  I did call the mechanic and later called dude to thank him and inquire about thoughts on this mechanic vs German Auto Werks…Just thought I’d do my side of the street since it is true – I shoot down everything that comes my way out of fear.  Thanks for the words.  <smile>

I was working on homework this morning when I heard a car pull into the driveway.  I was initially nervous because I thought it might be dude from yesterday, but saw it was L.  We sat outside and talked a lot about Ethan and what we can do.  It is tough.  None of the kids are bad kids, yet group them together and the crowd mindset goes to work.  Ethan hasn’t participated per se, however I am trying to explain the guilt by association idea to him. He really is a good kid – he has done some things which have really blown adults (not just me) away.  We need to help him through these tricky times ‘til he finds his path.  L said that Ethan won’t work with him the way he does with me, and I said that is because I have built a special relationship with both of my kids over the years.  I suggested again, as I have for years, that L spend time just with Ethan, to help strengthen their relationship.  I know L loves his kids so much but somehow, Life always gets in the way.  Yet this is something so much more important than those other things.  They can wait, children really can’t.  The next thing you know, it is 5 years later and a crucial moment has been lost.  That is why my house is messy, the homework is sometimes done in the last minute.  My kids come first.  Plus, they are kick ass kids and I have such fun with them.

Went to yard put tarp over the open window, grabbed things out of Lizzie and I WISH I had checked on the engine – it may have been the timing belt!  Hopefully that is all it was…. Swung by Sears and got a spark plug and an air filter for my lawn mower, went home and FIXED my LAWNMOWER and the trimmer!!!  THAT made me feel pretty damn WOW.  The kids took their first ride down into town today, by themselves.  A big day for Maggie, I know, Ethan has down it before without my knowing.  When they got back, Ethan and I started yardwork and then I began sawing up the dried out Christmas tree for a burn.  The season is truly over.  Goodbye, Father Winter.  Please visit us next year.  Then I grilled some steaks as Mags made a dessert and Ethan and I tried to find bugs to shoot pictures of.

We all hung out and giggled together for a few more hours.  Ethan is insistent he has packed everything he needs, but I know he will just wear the same stuff for 3 days.  Good grief.  I know this will change when a She enters the picture.  I am happy with my kiddos.  I am also aware that things are preparing to shift and that’s ok.  I do my damnedest to live as fully as I can with my children, to have as many adventures as we can together, for Time is always changing.

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

~ Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,

Because their words had forked no lightning they

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright

Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,

Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Pictures:  The burn; Lizzie's sorrow at being away from home; Maggie cooking up her homemade Snickers bars;  Yard beauty