July 21, 2015

It may have been a mistake to continue on my “Hey! Let’s-Quit-Caffeine!”  for day two, especially after I was as active as Jello yesterday – and double especially after having forgotten my SSRIs since sometime mid-Costa Rica.  It isn’t that I had a headache, it’s that I was so sad about feeling so tired.

Supervision was like walking into a foreign language.  What do you people DO here???  Talk about out of sorts – the idea of working at a fast food place or Starbucks didn’t seem half bad "Would you like fries with that?"   I sat at my desk after my first client (my young one..she asked me if she got to come back tomorrow and then asked her mom if she could come to the office on her birthday <insert heart-melt>) and looked at the 7 + different stacks of papers, a semblance of organization to be sure.  A confession:  I have, for many decades, known that I possessed some incredible skills and gifts in certain things, paradoxically, I have often wondered how on earth I had managed to make it as far as I have in life, seeing the very worst in myself and magnifying it ad infinitum. So it was quite nice to have a one of the raddest people I've met tell me today that the brain cannot distinguish between my self-deprecating humor and serious insult.  In other words, I've been bullying myself for decades.  I am to start telling myself positive things - this is my homework for a week.  <smile> 

Quick race to get lunch..for $10..are you kidding me, Chipotle?  Good grief.  Shoulda made soup and brought it to work.  Back to work where I slowly began accomplishing things – correcting files, remembering what needed to be done.  Penelope and I even hung out a bit (she’s the system used at work) and she was nice to me!

I had a DBT group – solo, as the lead facilitator is out and then saw my little guy.  He is growing more comfortable with me, as is dad.  Familiarity and consistency in a safe environment does a great deal for people.  Finished up a few more notes after most had long gone, and then…I left.

Home to my girls, who were happy to see me.  I started a soup, then took them out on a walk.  I noticed a neighbor has completely cleaned up his mess of a house –  I didn’t even recognize the house until I saw his truck, nicely backed in to his driveway.  I’m sure the police had something to do with that.  A nice walk – but I notice my arm was sore from holding the dog leashes) who were heeling nicely, so why so sore??    That concerns me:  I’m not that out of shape…am I?  Showered and ate dinner – an early night tonight.  Last night – for the first time ever, I left the dogs out and the doors open so they could come into my room. Mabi surreptitiously lay upon the dog pillow by my bed all night long – not making a peep, for fear she’d be put elsewhere.  Around 6 a.m. she felt confident enough and jumped on my bed.  Funny girl. 

 Pics 'n flicks:  Last one in the parking lot - there's my car...wayyyy back there; Beautiful Thunderheads over Tahoe:  Costa Rica?  Nope...Placerville, next to the highway; My girls, all tangled up after our walk; A favorite song from when I was a kid from Hee Haw.  Not sure why it's repeating in my mind tonight....