October 15, 2015

Up early again…I just can’t sleep in.  This morning I hadn’t even had a sip of coffee when my landlord texted to say he was on his way up to measure the front window shade. Fuuuuuucccckkkkkk.  So I threw on some clothes – my Bernie Sanders Black Flag shirt and pants from Mexico.  My attitude was a  little different.  A little.  I learned yesterday about now getting too excited because “crash and burn” not only appeared but it is in ALL CAPS.   I listened to Jeffrey’s message from yesterday afternoon again – he told me about the loan officer at El Dorado Savings he had spoken with, so I called her.  She was a lovely woman and told me the steps I need to take to see about getting a house if that’s what I end up doing.  I wrote him and thanked him for letting me cry out my frustrations and fears and at the end of the note I told him how he reminded me of someone my dad would have befriended and that meant a lot to me. 

 My plan today was to work on my Capstone, but before I could do that – I had to do my art homework for class.  The third class was today and I was soooo behind.  As I waited for the landlord, I heard a car – but it wasn’t him.  It was Dude posting the “For Sale” sign in front of this house.  Time to reframe – I have hated this house.  The ceiling has a “caved in” appearance in my room:  my ex said he wouldn’t sleep in here – which is kinda good because I haven’t invited him (nor will I).  There were holes I patched with concrete because mice were coming in.  They are still coming in, but at least I sealed the holes.  The back ceiling is falling in (it looks horrible).  I should be happy I have to leave.  I have asked the kids about it a few times, but they said no because they wanted to save money for CH.   Landlord soon should up and said his wife yelled at him because of my text re: the open window.  So he measured and installed new blinds as I worked on my capstone presentation.  I had told him about the timing and that priority one right now was finishing up schoolwork.  He agreed and so…that is a huge monkey off of my back.  I think one of the primary things to bother me is this feeling of being forced, yet I am so proud of the way I have advocated for myself against this man.  I usually feel I am in the wrong – it’s a weird child-thing which will gives me more food for personal therapy sessions.  Yay on dysfunction.

Around 3: 40 I started getting ready for the parent/teacher conference at 4:25 when my phone rang.  It was Ethan wondering if I was coming.  Yes, but it isn’t til 4:2…oh….that’s when it ends. I threw in my contacts and ran out the door.  I showed up only 15 minutes late and…was thrilled to see this kid – this boy who usually sat at these conferences and only grunted a few words to be talking and sharing his conference.  The kid actually LED his conference.  Many praises from teacher.  Next teacher same thing – said she got goosebumps from seeing the difference in this child.  His grade was passing – still super low, but it was up from like a 20% - so the improvements have been remarkable.  His final teacher said the same things.  This child was advocating for himself, smiling, raising his hand, participating.  MY FLOWER IS BLOSSOMING!!  I was thrilled beyond belief.  I know we still need to get him tutoring and there is a lot to catch up on, but my goodness – such a night and day change has been remarkable.  As I left, the loan officer called me with another suggestion of how I could make the house idea work.  Man, I love these small banks.  On the way home I called my mom and asked her advice.  She said the right home can be a very good investment, and also that the CH plans isn't in the books yet.  True, but I can easily rent the house out while we are gone, so it wouldn't be what keeps me here. 

I headed home to finish up my presentation writing and then headed to work for a 6:00 appointment with a client.  I feel such a cool connection with these clients – I really do.  I guess my child connection from teaching will carry over (hopefully) to therapy. 

Home –with the for sale sign out front and new blinds up.  I look forward completing my PowerPoint presentation so I can put all my energy into packing up.  There is a lot to do.  I also need to find a place, but I think packing up will give me some piece.  It seems fooling to pack up clothes I don’t want/can’t wear, so maybe I’ll do that Tidying-Magic-Book-Thingie instead of packing it up.  I feel a kinship with Mark Zuckerberg.  Just give me a few skirts and grey Ts and I’m good.

Pictures:  For Sale; The Sky is Crying..I love it when that takes place;  Blossoming; Sand-tray; Reasons to go....