5 o’clock again. This
is when my brain decides that sleep is for sissies and let’s get up! My body disagrees, but the damn brain
wins. This morning I did have stuff to
do – my PowerPoint presentation for Wednesday.
I am adding in some special effects (since vagina cupcakes probably
wouldn’t be appropriate and I don’t want to get sued. With my recent luck this would happen) like sound
effects and traditional German dancing. I want to leave school in style with a
presentation that will dazzle them. And
then I remember why I’m up early…that
my body is reacting to stress and won’t let me relax. I expect people to come walking in the door
at any moment (which would frighten them because when my kids aren’t here,
neither are the clothes). I got a list of 8
houses to go look at it when I get time, then headed off for my client
session. I conferred first, however,
with a crisis social worker who had come to the same conclusion about my client
as I had. This was terrific for me as
she is the professional. I’ll get there,
I know. Practice.
When I was a kid I used to lie in bed at night in the dim
light and stare at the shapes on the walls.
I’d look at these shapes to see what they were telling me. It wasn’t exactly Rorschach, but close
enough. I did the same with the reddish/orange
patterns in our shag carpet – in the flower print on our sofa. I looked for stories everywhere. I still look for these stories – I look for
them in birds that fly overhead, in rocks, plants, occurrences in my days. There are carefully hidden storytellers
surrounding us…
…Or sometimes, they are the clinical director who has asked
you into one of the session rooms and your heart already knows what this story
is. Non-profits…not accepting only Medical,
but depending on grants to give these youth some desperately needed services
are often short of funding. So. There I have it. When should I let my clients know, I ask. I have a few that are in crisis and
it won’t be good. Don’t say anything yet
– we have one more ace-in-the hole that we are going to try…and so my deer-in-the-headlights
look, which I have carried for 10 days now, continued. Yet with more sadness, more tightening of the
jaw. I am devastated, but to the point
of what next…? I think my tears are gone
due to dehydration and I’m tired of walking around being this person living in
fear. When I’m in CH, I’ll ask during my
interview with the Montessori school if/when/how soon I can start. Might move sooner than planned.
I headed off to go to Maggie’s conference, but she didn’t know
about it (despite prepping for it for the last week) and wasn’t there. I didn’t ask L about it because honestly, I
do 90% of the school stuff and I wanted to see if he’d be there, but it turns
out only I got the email, so that’s why he didn’t know and subsequently didn’t
have Mags at school. I had a good talk
with the teacher and then headed back to work, where…once again I was asked to
go speak with the clinical director and…they can offer me a 20/hour work week
for now, I’ll get more hours when the lady who was hired to cover maternity-leave
(and is also pregnant) goes out for hers.
50 pounds off of my back. Now
only a home to worry about, but this is much better.
Met with my client and parent for a family session and then
headed out. I thought I would treat
myself to some sashimi which I discovered 2 weeks ago with Delfos and
Franchesca in Davis. As much as I love
this sushi bar – the sashimi was NOT as tasty and thus, I offer a word of
advice: when you have had 10 straight
days of nerves and butterflies, tears, and sobs, do not order the sashimi. Home
and into bed. I’m exhausted and I have a house to pack up. Pictures: This folder - I'm an employee now (or soon will be) rather than simply a volunteer; Apple Hill. I came up here looking for homes; A gorgeous night sky; Shili Sushi Restaurant: sashimi.
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