It was time to start packing up. There is SO very much stuff. I have lived here almost 5 years and have made
this my home! I was still very uncertain
– do I rent or buy a house? Yesterday
at work, our social worker Darryl, whom I absolutely adore, asked me a question
about my multi-faceted situation, smiling with those sweet, gentle eyes: Do I
have a friend to talk this over with? Well…. I have lots of friends, but a best
friend? A close one? Someone who knows me? No…I
don’t. I was just about to call L, who
knows me very well, when I saw Olivia’s name.
Of course – my sister. And I am so glad I spoke with her; buying a house
out here wouldn’t be smart. I don’t want
to live here.
Granted, my children’s
father is here and I understand how important it is for them to have him in their
lives, but I think Europe will be a fabulous experience for them. I also got the
PCC aspect of my degree so I could go wherever in the Unites States in the future.
For some lame reason, I just couldn’t pack. Some for the next house, some for Europe (or
storage) some for sale. I posted tons
of thing to sell in our community page and kid's movies were flying off the shelves. Within an hour most were claimed. Easily $600 worth of Disney and I’ll make
about $60…but – it all goes to our family fund.
Cool. We may end up with a GoPro
yet. I had filled out and sent in the application
for an house near us – heard back, it was blank so I sent it again and haven’t
heard back yet. It’s 3bd/2ba with a stove
pellet-fireplace thingy – which would be rad over the winter. Took the dogs to the park after the rain
stopped and after some running, I drove by and there it is…. Fingers super crossed. Finally, somehow, my mind figured it out – I’m
really packing for Europe. Shift that
thinking, reframe and BOOM! It
worked! Naturally the first place I
started was books. I know, I know, I should
have started with clothes, done the Tidying Up method, but this is…I
dunno. Different? I think if I didn’t have so many bookshelves
of books, it’d be easier. I saw one of The
Bookery owners at the store and let her know I was going to be seeing her soon…even
the case of philosophers (54 books) shall have to go back. Heartbroken over that one, but I really want CH.

Until now…sitting in bed, wishing I could pop my back out,
listening to the remnants of the rain falling from the trees onto the wet
ground. A cool breeze coming in through the
window. Oh, I have so much to do, but my
attitude has shifted. It’ll be ok. It is horrible to be so afraid…I am certainly
not very strong. There is much to
work towards still, but I have more faith.
That Jack Kerouac quote helped so much – “Because in the end, you won’t
remember the time you spent working in an office or mowing your lawn. Climb that goddamn mountain.”
Pictures: This sparks my Joy; Bill S.
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