October 5, 2015

Up before the alarm this morning – I had slept so nicely that I decided another 45 minutes wouldn’t do very much.   Still felt that heaviness of heart.  I hate these periods.   I’m never quite sure if it is a surge of depression, a battle I have fought for almost 30 years, or if it was because of people’s attitudes on issues which I hold precious.  I have a feeling it’s the first.

I did a little more cleaning this morning – the landlord had said he would be by with the Realtor at 10, but I wanted to leave earlier, so around 9:30 I found myself at the gym.  I had wow’d myself Friday at burning 698 calories the first session.  I’m not quite sure how I did that – I did the same things I always do – was it because it had been 5 weeks since I'd been and I really surprised my body?  No idea, but today I set the MMA program for 30 minutes.  I was determined to burn hard again.  Only…it shut off after 20 minutes, so I did 100 squats (thank you, Ministry and Mudvayne) and low row/lat machine.  Only 435 calories today but I noticed a LOT less red zone – which means 90-100% effort.  And there I have it.  Or rather, don't.

Of to WinCo and then home…yes, he had been here with his Realtor, yes, I hate when people are in my house which isn’t really mine, which got me to thinking – I have never been looking for a house to buy.  Never had a Realtor, never had a “budget” to match with a home.  I’m not really complaining(although I am) , because there are about a 6 billion people who are with me, so I don’t feel Lone Rangerish or anything…but hearing my sister and her husband just found a great house in Raleigh with a pool makes me sigh, because if I were in the place where I belonged(wherever the hell that is), I could maybe do that.

Client at 4 then a special mission to pick up a tiny alligator figure by Schleich, the German company, which is funny as Weber told me to call him Thor last year due to his German heritage.  I got him this so he won't forget me, and also for myself as a form of closure.   Plus, no one but him has ever called me "Alligator".  I have 2 more classes.   I finally picking up my little ones.  I didn’t see Ethan’s football team out on the field, so I wondered while I was waiting for Mags.  She told me he had a tournament that day at Herbert Green, so in all my wisdom, I headed there as she told me about her field trip, etc.  Pulling in, I saw no cars – no nothing.  Weird.  She said she’d go look for him as I drove around the parking lot again.  Nope.  Still no cars – still no Ethan.  She had the door open and a foot out when she read the sign:  Charles Brown.  She giggled.  I blushed.  So much for my infinite wisdom.  The boy was another 20 years older it seemed, and yes – the voice is changing.  I know this because I heard it crack for a fraction of a second last week.  Grateful it won’t go any lower as I thought I’d have to get special headsets made which could pick up and translate his words for me. 

We headed home and I made dinner – a thin steak with home-made garlic butter, asparagus and a delicious rich salad.  After we ate, Mags cleaned the kitchen without my asking (brownie points) and Ethan read me his book report – HOLY COW, this boy can make words FLOW!  I took Maggie to the store  and as I did she shared some rough moments she had with her volleyball coach, where she was put in her place about her attitude.  She mentioned tears and I empathized.  It feels like you’ve been punched in the gut, huh!?    Poor thing.  I remember those times and talks from people.  I gave her the silver –lining part of it.    The good thing is that I have my kiddos with me again, whom I love so very much.  Mags has a VB tourney at UM on Saturday, we’ll have an adventure of some sort this week.  I love my kids.

Picture:  I made my Shadow take the dogs to the park while I sat in the car and slept.