January 9, 2016

I slept well, deeply, for a long time.  It was daylight when I awoke and I hadn’t stirred at all throughout the night.  

Today, something needed to be done.  I had a box of items from my bedroom sitting patiently, and so, today, with the help of Missy Elliot, Lil Wayne, and 2Pac, I straightened out my room.  I’ll start doing my yoga there in the mornings – there’s enough room in there for a damn Zumba class.  I moved throughout the house, music changing genres as the rooms differed; the garage was hair bands, the kitchen was punk.

Yesterday, Maggie and I picked up a rose for Ethan.  Ethan has his first girlfriend for a little over a month and today, they went to a movie together.  Her mom and I spoke over this – and while I can’t speak for her, I didn’t want to  put my adult thoughts into a very innocent happening.  I did, however, give Ethan instructions on how to treat her, because this was her first such experience and would be the foundation for her, so he was to treat her with respect and in a very chivalrous manner – open doors for her, paying for movie tickets and any concessions.  I picked her up and dropped her off, after the movie.  I doubt they even touched each other, but they said they had a really good time, and then when Ethan gave her the rose after walking her to her door, well…that just made me smile.

While they were at the movies, I was at the gym.  As soon as I found out I had 60 days to get a new house, I stopped going.  I have added a bit in the last few months, not sure why, ohhh, wait:  cranberries.  I went in with determination, but couldn’t pull anything up on Spotify because it wasn’t connecting, despite having a wifi connection.  I have the worst luck with internet. That meant no heavy metal to motivate me.   I did 100 squats, but my knees are in bad shape – super weak.  I also did a little yoga and the MMA machine.  Had a pretty good workout…

 ..and then at home as we watched Supernatural I ate that Tom & Jerry’s ice cream I’ve had since we moved in.  I suck, sometimes.

Pictures: A prayer one of the inmates is Folsom Prison wrote out for me;  This is my little Lee Rebel that was on the homecoming mum that Trey gave me in high school.  It was time to throw him away.  Goodbye, little Rebel dude - thanks for the memories; Ethan on the yoga ball; Mags decorates Annie (in her sweater)

October 10, 2015

The first words I saw this morning, before I was even really awake were: “Well Ali, I promised you we would let you know first”  and then I saw “60 days to vacate”.  I suddenly woke up.  I read the letter more thoroughly and saw that my landlord and his wife would be selling the home I’ve lived in/loved/hated for the last 4 and a half year, and that’s ok.  The kids and I will find another place, I know, so I am not worried about that as much as hating that it means really going through things – getting rid of/packing, etc.  I love how Universe takes care of me.

Both kids were at friend’s houses and Mags had a volleyball tournament today, which means things would be busy.  Ethan should up around 9:30 and learned the news first.  Right away he suggested we move into the old house – which would be terrific under different circumstances, but L is planning on moving back in the next month, I believe.  If only the house had 4 bedrooms… we could make that work, but it does not, and I am not willing to visit that and I don’t think L is, either.  The landlord showed up in the next half hour to give me the vacate notice and we talked for a bit.  Seems his company has been sold after his working there 18 years, so he is selling his rentals.  He’s a nice guy, he really is, and I hope he does ok.  I left to go pick up Maggie and we discussed possibilities.  We are both excited because really, it means we have anything possible ahead of us!  She mentioned how she loved how I turned everything into an adventure and I told her this was the most important thing I think I could teach her and Ethan – to see that there is always a silver lining; sometimes it may be difficult to find or we don’t see it until years later, but it is there and I want to give them this attitude in Life.

The three of us raked up the back yard and started making a Moving Sale pile and a Keeping pile.  It was quite a nice sweat for me.  It was soon time to rush and get going as we had to be at practice by 1:00.  The Yeto was packed in the car, a few healthy snacks were packed (which I actually have!) and Ethan even packed the Soda Stream, a cutting board, lemons and a knife.  The kid tailgates with style.  Then we headed to UM and dropped Mags off while Ethan and I went to tower mart for ice, water and a few Tiger Milk bars for Maggie.  When we got back, one of the first people I ran into was a gentleman who supervised the man I worked with when I was at UM and struggled so much with.  I was secretly thrilled to hear, in a very respectful, yet honest way that the methods of working with ED kids is much more effective the way I was trying to do it – forming a relationship and listening to them.  My former co-worker’s method is great for Oppositional Defiance Disorder – but often that isn’t who we had.  It doesn’t really mean anything, but I felt validated.

Soon the tournament began.  The first match they won without issue, but the second game wasn’t as easy.  They were tromped fairly strongly.  The girls had a break and were given a chance to regroup, which is very much what they needed.  The former co-worker ran into me (not literally, this is simply a figure of speech.  We call these idioms) which kind of surprised me, but it was good to see him (and not have to go into the classroom Monday morning).  As I was walking around the campus, I thought of many of the people I really missed seeing here – especially the kids, but man –I am so glad I don’ work here anymore.  Soon it was time to play again and the girls won their third match. I do need to compliment Tatjana - she insists she is not very good with sports, yet her score announcements were absolutely impeccable!  You can sit next to me anytime, Sweet Lady!  :)    One game to go and then they would play for the championship.  It was a hard fought game, it really was, but the other team was too strong (Camino, ironically.  Same school that won Flag football) and so, our girls won third place!!  YES!  Bronze medals if this were the Olympics.  I am so proud of them.  We headed to Urban Yogurt for frozen yogurts for celebration of a terrific season.

We headed home and unloaded our tailgating stuff.  Mags went straight to bed.  Ethan and I cooked steaks (tri-tip, I believe), which was kinda tougher than I would have liked.  I may call steak-dude back.  Then I changed and headed to the gym for 30 minutes of cardio.  I had promised Ethan I would grab him and ice-cream, which is why I stuck to 30 minutes, but after I located the ice cream (one for Mags, too), I found him asleep.  So I will enjoy my rice cake with crunchy peanut butter and then sleep.  I am hoping for no bad news from a doctor in the next few days: so far work is shaky, and now the home-thing…yet another reason why I am terrified of a relationship.

Pictures:The final spirit huddle; First match - small gym; Third match - large gym; A beautiful sunset sky; Celebration at Urban Yogurt

October 9, 2015

Up…plodded into the kitchen, turned on the coffee maker, then went to wake Mags.  She has Quoia Café on Friday mornings and has to be at school at 7:15.  I got into bed, turned on the laptop, and saw it was only 10:54.  Huh??  Checked my iPhone – same thing, and then went into the kitchen to check the 22-minutes-fast stove clock – 11:16.  Sigh.  How did this happen?   Yay – 7 more hours of sleep!  I intercepted Maggie in the hallway and sent her back to bed…

..and then I tossed and turned about finding a new place to work.  I imagined all the rooms, all the people and was sad.  It took me two hours to fall asleep after my early-wakening, but once it was time, I was on fire.  Brought Maggie to school, and as a rap song came on, we both started “rap head” in synchronicity.  The bonding moment was beyond heavenly for me.  Headed back to my boy – and I swear I heard him humming as he was getting his laundry!!  Maggie and I had spoken as I dropped her off to school, she sees the stark contrast, as well.  Anyone who knows Ethan sees it.  

Back to the gym where I got in a good workout again – no 698 calories, but over 500.  Not too shabby.  I did 100 squates again and noticed that my thighs are no longer arguing with one another.  They leave each other in relative peace.  No thigh gap – I’m not built that way and am fine with that, but yay!!  Shower and then off to see my 11:00 client.  On the way there – I fell in love.  A gorgeous man on a motorcycle passed me and checked me out, and I did the same.  We passed each other a few times, and then he got in the lane so I could look right at him, but I couldn’t do it.  Performance anxiety, I guess…   Another lost love…. My client didn’t show up due to  miscommunication, but that’s ok, because I learned that, there is a possibility I may be able to stay there…it depends on if a grant comes in or not.  The joys of non-profit.  I hope so, but again, I’ve been taught a lesson.  I am such a drama queen…removing almost all my things out of the office to prep myself for not being there!  Oy Vey.  I had the opportunity to speak with a wonderful man about a client I have and get some insight and input on possible changes I can make.  I love learning from these people.  

I soon headed home to work on my CANS stuff for work; however I was distracted by a man with some meat.  Really – he came to the door and filled my freezer for an amazing price.  Off to bring Mags to her friend’s house and as I was pulling in, another mom requested my son for the evening for her son, so there I have it – a night alone!  Another trip to the gym!!  But first, I headed to the shelter to go check on my kid and see how he was and also spoke with Edwin Markham (kidding – it was Steve) and got a plan about how to effectively case manage this situation.

 After, I grabbed the dogs, stuck a T-bone in water to defrost, and we headed to the park.  Lots of running for this Mabi and her bouncy little friend before another gym run to get in a little more before I enjoy my T-bone with garlic butter. I managed another 100 squats and saw a woman looking like what I hope I can look somewhat like in the next year.  I told her how amazing she was.  To be fair, the gents were quite lovely as well.  If anyone wonders where all the hot guys are on a Friday night…  My dessert ended up being crunchy peanut butter on rice cakes, but amazingly, when you’re in the right mindset, this is a heavenly dessert!

Pics: The pups at the park; What I hope to look like without clothes on in 7 months.

October 5, 2015

Up before the alarm this morning – I had slept so nicely that I decided another 45 minutes wouldn’t do very much.   Still felt that heaviness of heart.  I hate these periods.   I’m never quite sure if it is a surge of depression, a battle I have fought for almost 30 years, or if it was because of people’s attitudes on issues which I hold precious.  I have a feeling it’s the first.

I did a little more cleaning this morning – the landlord had said he would be by with the Realtor at 10, but I wanted to leave earlier, so around 9:30 I found myself at the gym.  I had wow’d myself Friday at burning 698 calories the first session.  I’m not quite sure how I did that – I did the same things I always do – was it because it had been 5 weeks since I'd been and I really surprised my body?  No idea, but today I set the MMA program for 30 minutes.  I was determined to burn hard again.  Only…it shut off after 20 minutes, so I did 100 squats (thank you, Ministry and Mudvayne) and low row/lat machine.  Only 435 calories today but I noticed a LOT less red zone – which means 90-100% effort.  And there I have it.  Or rather, don't.

Of to WinCo and then home…yes, he had been here with his Realtor, yes, I hate when people are in my house which isn’t really mine, which got me to thinking – I have never been looking for a house to buy.  Never had a Realtor, never had a “budget” to match with a home.  I’m not really complaining(although I am) , because there are about a 6 billion people who are with me, so I don’t feel Lone Rangerish or anything…but hearing my sister and her husband just found a great house in Raleigh with a pool makes me sigh, because if I were in the place where I belonged(wherever the hell that is), I could maybe do that.

Client at 4 then a special mission to pick up a tiny alligator figure by Schleich, the German company, which is funny as Weber told me to call him Thor last year due to his German heritage.  I got him this so he won't forget me, and also for myself as a form of closure.   Plus, no one but him has ever called me "Alligator".  I have 2 more classes.   I finally picking up my little ones.  I didn’t see Ethan’s football team out on the field, so I wondered while I was waiting for Mags.  She told me he had a tournament that day at Herbert Green, so in all my wisdom, I headed there as she told me about her field trip, etc.  Pulling in, I saw no cars – no nothing.  Weird.  She said she’d go look for him as I drove around the parking lot again.  Nope.  Still no cars – still no Ethan.  She had the door open and a foot out when she read the sign:  Charles Brown.  She giggled.  I blushed.  So much for my infinite wisdom.  The boy was another 20 years older it seemed, and yes – the voice is changing.  I know this because I heard it crack for a fraction of a second last week.  Grateful it won’t go any lower as I thought I’d have to get special headsets made which could pick up and translate his words for me. 

We headed home and I made dinner – a thin steak with home-made garlic butter, asparagus and a delicious rich salad.  After we ate, Mags cleaned the kitchen without my asking (brownie points) and Ethan read me his book report – HOLY COW, this boy can make words FLOW!  I took Maggie to the store  and as I did she shared some rough moments she had with her volleyball coach, where she was put in her place about her attitude.  She mentioned tears and I empathized.  It feels like you’ve been punched in the gut, huh!?    Poor thing.  I remember those times and talks from people.  I gave her the silver –lining part of it.    The good thing is that I have my kiddos with me again, whom I love so very much.  Mags has a VB tourney at UM on Saturday, we’ll have an adventure of some sort this week.  I love my kids.

Picture:  I made my Shadow take the dogs to the park while I sat in the car and slept.