Tribe of Trio has moved....

I have moved my blog to tribeoftrio.com, a WordPress site.  I had too many difficulties with Blogger and couldn't resolve them.  I am slowly learning how to manuever around WordPress, there isn't  a lot of time, but I'll get there eventually.   Please feel free to visit my new site!

https://tribeoftrio.com



Thank you,
Ali

May 9, 2016

Despite best intentions, sometimes things just don't go the way we wish.  After a few months of "success"(?),  this morning I began taking my SSRI again.  No depression this time, yet anxiety isn't any better.  "It feels like an extreme version of being in love without being in love" is the way I described it to someone, except instead of butterflies in my tummy I got visions of my kids and I being killed in a car accident just about every time I got in a car.  That's no way to live.

When it rains, it pours (my favorite quote from a salt company).  There was a little feeling during yoga, but I ignored it.  A few hours later, though, while sitting with a client it became evident that I was NOT at all well, and so, I cancelled sessions and headed home.  Pepto Bismal helped my poor stomach feel calmer.

Literal down time gave me time to compose a wedding ceremony for June 23.  For 87 more days, I'm an official wedding-er.

I'm sad to miss the Bernie event, but just getting to Maggie's track practice for pick-up is bad enough (and its 10 minutes away from home).

Home where we tried to finish watching "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World".  I say tried because we had 23 minutes to complete when the 24 hour rental-time ran out.  I also recognized my illness-I got The Food Poisoning.  I had this years ago when L & I went to some fancy Folsom place.   This time I  only have myself to blame.  Damn Whole30 egg muffins.


Pictures: Meds ready & waiting; composing the wedding script per El Dorado County regulations; My view of Buddha as I hide in my duvet with a heating pad on my tummy; One of Maggie's  gifts to me yesterday.

May 8, 2016

After finally falling asleep, my ear still ringing from the thunderous roar of Hips fans, I slept fitfully.  Not all is right in my World right now, for reasons unknown to me.  At 6:17, I was awoken by my Girl-breakfast-in-bed in hand.  She had awoken at 5:20 to get breakfast made before I habitually arose from bed. That child is One In a Million.

A few hours later, I checked on The Boy- he was  in the kitchen, preparing to cook himself bacon for breakfast.  My Girl was still sleeping – she had made another entrance to give me Mother’s Day gifts before excusing herself once more for sleep.  I turned around and went to my room, doing something I haven’t done in years.  I cried.  I’m not sure what is going on – I have never experienced anxiety in the way I have as of late, but it was the actual sobbing-catch-your-breath-as-more-tears-fall crying and it was oddly comforting. I was just dozing off to sleep as there was a loud BANG! on the door, and in walked Ethan with breakfast-in-bed #3 (he’d made my first one last weekend, knowing Maggie would make mine this morning) – bacon and a bacon omelet. 

 

We managed to get dressed around two and headed out in Lizzie to the park with the dogs, where we played for a good hour the dogs.  My sister called and we spoke for a half hour.  I am so torn – I miss her so much!  Since about age 17, I haven’t had a close relationship with my family and even after my father’s death, it took a couple of years, but we are now so close and I cherish that relationship so.  I want to be that crazy aunt to her kids like Tanti was to me.  As we were leaving the park, the Maggie asked me how many more days on this Whole30 and I told her.  “Maybe that's why you cried this morning...because you miss Mexican food.  It just had deeper meaning than you realized.”  That girl may be on to something.

We dropped the dogs off at home and headed to the store where I saw many men grabbing flowers and fancy dinners for their loves.  How the circle closes: I would come here with baby Ethan and here he was asking me about the clutch on the bus and Maggie is sharing how she and three of her friends are planning on driving Lizzie down to Coachella someday.  Ummm….nope.  I cooked us a very fancy dinner as we watched half of “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World”.  A simple day, but a day with my kids.  

And so – my anxiety.  I realize the timing of this is may very well be related to stopping my SSRI (which I took for depression which began shortly after my TBI). The extreme anxiety I experienced yesterday at the fest has been occurring at just about every music show I’ve gone to.  Despite what those who know me well may think, it is terrifying for me to be alone at shows, but I go anyway, because eventually I see someone I know or the music starts and I float away. I’m going to state that as much as I love being alone, I HATE being alone and I worry I am pushing myself into further isolation.   Like an idiot, I bought another ticket this morning to an event – despite the fact that I don’t fit in.  This exposure therapy isn’t really working, yet I keep doing it, despite. I want to thank those people who helped me yesterday at the fest and Andrea this morning – you mean the extra more world to me.   It has been three days short of two months since I stopped my 5-a-Day (don’t think I haven’t noticed that timing with my stress, as well), and I have missed it.  Happy Day to all women out there, because whether we’ve birthed a child or not, the majority of us mother in some form or fashion.

Pictures: Our Mother's Day shot...and the practice-makes-perfect shots.