Febraury 12, 2015

 It is difficult, at times, to be so ultra-aware of the actions (or lack thereof) of others, because I often take it personally, whether it is so or not.  There are so many emotionally-based thoughts coursing through my brain and I act accordingly, trying to hide my hurt feelings but feeling them so readily.  Soap operas were never interesting to me, most likely because I have one on a loop in my head. <self-drama queen>

It was probably not a very wise idea to take off my boots and walk a mile and a half at Union Mine today.  I ended up with blisters on my feet (despite being a barefoot runner a few years ago – my poor feet aren’t used to it anymore) and <get this> shin splints…FROM WALKING (though at a very brisk pace).  The silver lining is this:  At the end of day three with my FitBit, I walked 15, 620 steps, following yesterday’s 10,200+ and Tuesday’s 5,200+.  Each day I’m up five thousand steps.    So much for taking it easy.

I received the news from my sister that we closed the sale of La Bodega Odessa today.  The final part is complete.  I’m a little sad, but very happy that Sally will be re-opening it soon and hope that Odessa treats her right.   She has a lot of experience in the restaurant business and even managed La Bodega Odessa for a while when my father was alive, so she knows the ropes.  If anyone can make it a success, it is Sally.  I wish her the best.

Group tonight with Jen was absolutely electrifying.  She ran half of group and I ran half of it and once it was finished, she told me I was a natural, that I had done an incredible job.  Do you have any IDEA how those words meant  to me, coming from someone as gifted and skilled as she is?!?!  It took half a lifetime, yet I believe I am finally in my perfect profession – all of those extremely difficult life situations finally paying off in dividends for me.  Now to help others, so that all those mistakes I’ve made do someone some good.

And now…a four day weekend (which I didn’t learn of until 4^th block yesterday).  I’m very excited.  I shall sleep in tomorrow, have coffee and cake (!!!) for breakfast, clean, do some yoga and try to beat 15,000 steps, then see my client tomorrow evening.  It will be a glorious weekend of preparing a garden and taking the dogs for a hike with my valentine, Mother Nature.  Monday I’ll pick up the kids and we will go on a biking adventure in Folsom.  Life is Beautiful. 

Pictures:  Shadows of my basketball players today; Hoop!; Strong-willed solutions....  

February 11, 2015

Lights were off around 9:15 last night and I was asleep almost instantly.  My body craved sleep and I gladly offered it.  When the alarm went off at 5:45 (I was going to gently get back into early yoga), there was no possible way I could get up and I somehow managed to re-set the alarm for 7:15, but this, too, was off, so around 6:15ish my logic woke me up and I went to start the coffee.  I’m grateful for that inner-logic which keeps me in check because this morning time is so important to me.  

I was nervous and anxious heading to work; I’m frequently anxious there, though it was much better today than yesterday.  I am well aware that I am sensitive and too “feeling” for many situations, besides the fact that more often than not, my “feelings” aren’t always spot on.  One thing I do know is that high school has changed tremendously in some ways, yet is exactly the same as my days there.  One thing which blows me away is how kids today few boundaries:  Every other word is “fuck” and there is no attempt to lower voices when adults are around.  I remember at least monitoring where this word was said.  The stories of the sexual acts which are discovered blow me away.  I’m grateful what I saw yesterday was minimal and I still wanted to rip my eyes out of my head.  

My new “thing” is hopefully going to aid me in The Loss of Paunch:  No eating after 6:15 (or whenever I have my first cup of coffee in the morning).  I remember a few years ago, when I dropped 28 pounds in 4 months, I did a few simple things”  Yoga, no restaurants, and I didn’t eat past 5:30.  Since my body is a little wounded, the Universe has been sending me “get back to yoga instead of cross fit” signals, so I will listen.  After work, I packed up dinner and headed off to practicum.  

I have missed this!!  I really do enjoy this place and the people here.  I’m going to miss Wendy, Chris and Dr. Weber once I’m done, so I have promised to come visit.  The way things are going, I’ll be in practicum for a good few years, so….

I am looking very forward to group with Jen tomorrow night.  I’m eager to watch her in action and know I’ll learn a great deal.  I was given high praises for last week’s group and I’m thankful for my teaching years…it makes speaking to groups of people much easier.  

Pictures:  The track today;   Trees aren't the only thing that's blossoming on this campus - hormones are in high gear.

February 10, 2015

Despite a later-then-usual night, I felt well rested when the alarm sounded at 6.  I walked into the kitchen for coffee…only to find that section of the house had lost power – again.  This is a built-by-owner home from the early 40s and the electricity isn’t superb.  Fortunately I only had to walk into the bathroom to hit a reset button and everything buzzed on again.  Tip-toeing..ever so quietly so the dogs wouldn’t hear me.  The buzz of the fridge helps.  I managed to get my FitBit started this morning, and lordy, I need it.  I am becoming a "paunchy" middle-aged woman and I am saddened by that.

For a Tuesday, I had a terrific attitude.  Even at work…until…<sigh>  There are no words.  Four.More.Months.  

After the bell rang, I raced out and quickly headed to Home Depot to exchange the blinds for another set.  I made a new best friend with the lady at the return counter and we enjoyed quite a few laughs together.  Here is my question – where the heck are the cheap “landlord-bought-these type" of blinds?  I ended up buying bamboo blinds.  Fer reals.  Figure since it’s on my dime….I’ll get him the cheap ones when I move out and take my damn blinds with me <it’s the principle of the matter>.

Raced home to quickly eat and then zoomed off to my supervision.  Just like last week, I was there 2 hours.  I hope these hours are counting towards my practicum hours.  Supervision was terrific and it doesn’t seem like two hours at all.

No Hipnic for me because I AM eligible to walk in the graduation ceremony for my dual master’s degree (yay!!) even though I won’t be done with hours, but I am still very excited.  I told my kids that if I can walk, I ‘d like to invite them to my graduation ceremony because they have helped so much the last (almost) 3 years.  They accepted my invitation as long as I don’t sing on stage.

Picture: A beautifully colored sunset from an office somewhere....

February 9, 2014

It was difficult to fall asleep last night, I was dreading the kids going back – perhaps more this time  than ever before.  Our time together was really incredible and I was sad to see it draw to a close.  Yet, eventually I fell and in the next moment, it seemed, the alarm was sounding.  Now, I am not gonna lie.  I was dreading going into that kitchen…I swear I heard scurrying, so I simply grabbed my coffee and/or breakfast, making sure not to glance down there <the cabinet "down there" - NOT the other "down there">

When the kids finally made it out – already dressed since they were getting themselves up – they both headed over there:  “Oh, look!  A rat!”  Ethan giggled, in that way that proves he is kidding.  “Let me look..” Maggie said.  “OH!!  A RAT!”  she shouted.  Dammit!  I just don’t have the moxie for this mess anymore.  Yet this time, there was no chasing or swinging the dead rat around; Ethan maturely flung it over the fence for wildlife to enjoy (Thanks, Nature!).  Eventually they found the Valentine’s Day truffle chocolates and cards I had sitting RIGHT THERE on the kitchen table for them, but I agree – dead rats can be much more exciting.  Later, as Maggie was getting last minute stuff done in her room and Ethan and I were in the kitchen, he said, “I really had a fun time with you these last few weeks.”  I concur.  It was magical.  We drove to school, with me conveying the feeling and emotion that can be heard in the instruments during “Burn Slow.”  My soul misses those two as I write this....

Back to school – all my sick time, plus some, eaten up.  It was a little awkward at work in my classroom: It’s tricky working with someone I can’t “connect” to or figure out.  Still, I’m aware that this is yet another chance for me to learn how to work in such environments. <There’s always a silver lining>  Collaboration Day, so class was out early.  Given that there is rarely work for me to do – and all these high schoolers go home early, I can see issues with my kid’s school wanting to start the same thing next year.  Not thrilled about it.  Lots to do after, however….  Went home to check about a Very Important Letter from Olivia– it still hasn’t arrived, even though it was due 2 days ago.  Way to go, USPS.  Then off to cash checks and look for a notary to get the Swiss passport renewal started.    Ethan and I were looking at the towns surrounding Zurich  last night...oh, I’m so excited (and conversely absolutely terrified)!!  I had to drive to 2 separate places to get the notary, but there she was – at the same UPS store I visited last week to get boxes.  Then over to AT&T to get my own phone plane and (!!!!!) I got Ethan’s birthday present!!!!  He will be so excited!  Also paid off my cell phone, which was apparently over $500.  Oh, my god – you have got to be kidding me.  Talk about mark-up.  Dammit…dentist appointments starts in 20 minute – sorry, really-cool-saleslady-who-is-also-in-the-air-force-reserves-as-a-medic.  I have to go to get my cavity filled.

And there I am – in that horrific chair which leans back and now this lady has her hands in my mouth with a drill and I WANT TO SCREAM!!!  The drill isn’t the high pitched <whirrrr-whirrrr> drill, it sounds like a damn sawing-logs drill and I know that at any moment MY JAW WILL BE SAWED AWAY FROM MY BODY.  I am NOT kidding when I say it took every inch of my self-control not to scream out, start crying, yell, yank the saw from my mouth, or SOMETHING.  It was PURE TERROR and I think next time I will need to be knocked out.  It gets worse every time. <a tear falls>

Yet I survived and made it out.  I was even given the December issue of Rolling Stone magazine with a certain Mr. David Eric Grohl gracing the cover when I grabbed it and clutched it to my chest like a love sick teenager.   I decided to go grab a burrito for dinner<burrito Monday>.  On the way home, I heard an interview with Sam Smith and I have to voice my JOY at the fact that we live in a time where he was able to voice his heartbreak over a man on stage at the Grammy’s/television.  I also find it interesting how the state of Alabama is reliving the George Wallace years, yet this time with same-sex marriage as the issue.  Judge Roy Moore has decided to defy federal law and block same-sex marriages.  What a complete ass he is and certainly living in the wrong time.  I am PROUD to fully support same sex marriage and have raised my children to question anyone who opposes something which they see as normal – any two people who love each other should be able to marry in this "free" nation. 

Pictures: The "Burn Slow" clouds;  Remnants of the rains; We are all WEIRD (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, Democratic; My Dave. 

February 8, 2015

This morning was my last morning.  I have a lot of last mornings, I’ve noticed in these writings ~ sleep is so important to me.  It’s my other world.    I got back to writing last night’s 5-a-Day …but don’t want to get caught in a pattern.  No time in the mornings, especially not tomorrow.  Noticed Mags had already been up, baked cinnamon rolls, and had eaten 2 of them.  I grabbed coffee and scurried back to my haven with the lights on so dimly, the rain outside pattering along.

I noticed eventually both of them in the darkened living room, playing Wii.  They play so well together, these two.  I hope, I pray that their friendship will remain close and if it doesn’t, I shall not disappear as my parents did, I shall work on helping them reunify, because losing a sibling is hurtful for an entire lifetime.  I had plans, I had dreams today – go back to Home Depot and get the right sized blind, but no..it couldn’t happen.  I wanted to stay with my kids and indulge myself in their togetherness.

At one point, one of the neighbors we had delivered prier fours to dropped by delivering  his homemade kefir soda made from elderberries he’d harvested in the sierras last summer.  OHIWANTTODOTHATSOBADLY!~  The kefir was delicious and was gone in an instant.  Last year he brought us kombucha, which got me making it again, but I can never make it past round 2.  I started cooking lunch when I noticed the trap had a catch for us <sad face>.  Another wood rat (which isn’t actually a rat) and because I had the boy, who seems to have crossed very much into manhood lately, I got him to empty it.  His inner  child came back, however, and he kept chasing me holding the rat up.  He said he’s never heard me scream so loudly.  I explained:  “It is simple to do this stuff when you have to do it, because you are the only capable of doing so, but when it becomes possible for another to do it, you are no longer as strong as you once were, you don’t have to be.  I screamed a few more times, because it was gross.  And that was that.  He swore he flung it over the fence for animals, but it took me a good 2 hours to trust him again.  Later that night, in trying to set another trap in case there is a second one, I noticed it looked like a Charles Manson visitation area – blood splattered everywhere.  Too Helter Skelter for me and I couldn’t set the trap.  I’ll have to buy bleach and go hazmat on the area.  This house.  Holes everywhere and water leaking into the backroom.  Gotta.Get.Away,

As we ate, we watched…you guessed it - Nature.  This one was on the animal “love” and their mating habits.  I want a male bird of paradise.  He cleans house, he does dances, he’s got some badass moves.    We spent some time after that just hanging out and doing Stuff.  I looked for the kid’s passports – I have no idea where they could be.  I promised the kids a real vacation this summer once I’m done with grad school.  I won’t have my practicum ours competed or therapy hours done, but that’s no big deal.  Classes will be over.  We want to go somewhere tropical yet cost effective(aka – no Fiji).  I’d like a beach and jungle adventure.  Maybe Costa Rica or Belize?  Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Tomorrow, no more kids.  I think I’m really going to hurt this time because these weeks with Ethan have been magical for me.  I have really seen him grow and mature (in ways other than rats).  Maggie has been an an angel and so helpful.  I don’t think a parent could get much luckier than I am.

Video: The rain today; Picture: Annie watching it rain.