September 26, 2014

Not sure whether or not its true, but I was told that the firefighters were asking about me at basecamp.  That sent me right off to happy sleep, even though it really means nothing….  The morning was beautiful…but I felt I needed a bath, so I took one.  I always get a very “creepy” feeling when I bathe in the morning…makes me think of childhood and it’s weird, but sometimes the need for hot water supersedes the issue.  After I got out, was dressed, had fixed my salad lunch, I realized washed hair would be fabulous, so I washed it.  Some days it takes me just a little bit longer….  Got an email about an interview Thursday before class regarding a practicum in Citrus Heights where friends are doing their practicum.  That would be rad.

The Day At Work.    I felt woozy and week much of the time.  Had to take frequent sit-down breaks.  My brain wasn’t working well.  Need to feed that bad boy some fish (sushi!!) or avocados (sushi with avocados!!!).  But as all things, the work day ended and I was feeling a need in my bones to hit the mountains.  Thought a quick jaunt to El Dorado National Forest would do the trick.  I wasn’t feeling up to my usual rugged hiking (no trails and generally up) Saw so many signs along the freeway, thanking the firemen..and even a man sitting on his truck with a huge “thank you!!” sign, waving to all the guys heading out, since excess resources have been demobilized.  We walked deep into the beautiful forest, but headed out after an hour as Annie, for the second time, had taken off somewhere and doesn’t seem to realize she is the one called “Annie.” Thank goodness Mabi instinctually herds things.

On the way down, dude in the truck continued to wave.  After dropping off the dogs, I decided to take myself out on a date to grab the best carnitas burritos there is.  Mindful eating as I read the Smithsonian and then hit the market for some parsley and such.   Really – spirullina powder right next to organic taco seasoning. I also found out about puppy training (as if I have time) at Petco.

At the market, I wondered if I’d accidently driven down the hill to the “fancy” store as it was eerily “Nugget-ish.  Sudden exhaustion overcame me and I had to hurry, for fear of falling asleep in the “Ghana basket” section.  Back at home, I found my comfy California hoodie, couldn’t find my sweatpants, so I’m the commando officer the CA Jefferson army.  <facepalm>  <palmface??>  speaking of commando, classmates asked me to make vagina cupcakes for out community mental health class presentation.  I'd love to (and maybe some penises) but how do I find a correlation? Thunder booms sporadically as I on eat my B&J Americone Dream á la Steve Colbert.  I’m so excited to go to bed.

As my 5th post, allow me to complain about chai teas.  The one I enjoy the most,

Good Earth Vanilla Chai, or even just Chai, is nowhere to be found.  I have 5 DIFFERENT boxes of chai teas and none of the really appeal to me.    #goldplatedtroubles

Pictures: Hiking in El Dorado National Forest..south of the King Fire

September 25, 2014

I could smell it, I could feel it, then I read about it, but it wasn’t til leaving home that I realized it really was raining and my soul was instantly excited.  A grand celebratory part of today was the Putting On Of the Size 8 Jeans(POOTS- 8-J).  We have been separated for quite some time, but were reunited today under the most blissful of events (see first sentence).  POOTS-8-J days are the best.

 * as an aside, 96% of the time I write the word "soul", I end up writing "sould".  I looked to see if there was a definition of the word "sould" such as "ancient worker with people (as in therapy, not prostitution, which, on second thought, would be more applicable with the word "sold"), but there was not.  I wonder if there is a reason my fingers write the word "teh" instead of "the"???

 This morning was my first supervision and it.was.amazing.   Within 20 minutes I think I learned more than I did in an entire term in class  I was taught specific goals to work toward during today’s group and the difference was amazing from a year ago in which I just felt like an observer at a dysfunctional circus. Plus, I got to do yoga wearing my jeans, and they didn’t even rip.   

Today was The Day for a student.  I noticed a few days ago how she struggles with writing.  I recollected Very Turbulent Time when I was just about her age and how writing – even though it was shaky initially, helped me greatly.  So I gave her a set of “magic” pencils (Dixon Ticonderoga), a notebook, an article on the benefits of writing, and a card in which I wrote an acronym of “write” and a few words.  I believe in her and think she can make it.  

Somehow, I managed to bypass that plate of cupcakes that sat on that table, slyly looking at me with their delicious frosting, and I ate my grapefruit instead.  That was so damn hard.  Even managing to fit into the jeans wasn’t good enough to keep me away…which is why I believe in a Universe.

And another "somehow"... I managed to lose my flashdrive at work.  Then, on the way home, I "somehow" thought I lost my phone (I had turned off the wifi so the locator wasn’t working).  It was that kind of a day, but I managed to get to school, had a terrific time discussing firemen and …what class am I taking???  Oh yeah, firemen.

I managed not to piss off one single driver today (to my knowledge), though when a lady in a Lexus (in front of me)turned on her brights, despite a car being 20 feet ahead of her, I turned on my brights to let her experience what she was doing to dude.  I feel somewhat responsible in using subtle (sometimes) aids to remind people how to drive correctly.  I must admit, however, that I am starting to bear a striking resemblance to Evelyn Couch, the Kathy Bates character in “Fried Green Tomatoes” <really>

Pictures:  Raindrops.  My soul cries for raindrops; Cupcakes vs grapefruit (talk about willpower); Notes at school....

September 24, 2014

There was daylight gracing the sky when I awoke, and not the-sun-is-just-beginning-to peek daylight, either.   It was full-on, "You overslept by an hour and a half”  daylight.  This meant no yoga, no reading for an hour, and I still needed to shower, too, though that is a quick 5 minute ordeal – even with shaving legs.  Sadly I sliced up my shin again, but who cares, sinceI had rare Bandaids from Saturday night at basecamp.  The Body allowed me to dress it in the sassy short olive dress with my cowboys boots.  Salad brings great promise with it.  It may not simply be the cowboy boots that gives me attitude, I think my self-esteem has a great deal to do with it and when I care for myself and nurture my Self, she rewards me greatly.

This morning, there were so many fire engines and strike teams rolling through that our local PD had an officer in the middle of the intersection directing traffic.  Truck after truck…I hope they all stay safe.  I read of a copter pilot that brought a few guys to safety when fire overtook them.  He was given an award yesterday.  Later, I heard of medics getting an injured firefighter out.  I hope his injuries aren't too bad.

  As a supportive team member, it is my duty to support our kids in their trials and tribulations. One of these took place today when I willingly ate 3 cupcakes (well, 2 half cupcakes =1) and then SWerner was unaware of this, bringing me another  and I daren’t say no to her).  I discovered I had pink frosting lightly coating my eyebrows.  I’m that passionate.  There is more heartbreak brewing with a kid, and let me just say – if  I ever discover I am friends with people who “parent” the way these parents do, I will do everything in my power to bring you down.  Kids aren’t easy and I get that, but the lies, the lack of accountability, the blame, the shaming….  Absolute emotional abuse.  Then, on the other side (sort of), I spoke with a guy who went to the school I taught in long ago.  There have been difficulties for him, difficulties I am somewhat familiar with him.  It was pretty funny to have this kid introduce me to a kid who does not care for me as “the coolest teacher you’ll ever meet.”  I think establishing relationships with the kids, the throwaways, is one of the most important things you can do in the life of those kids…at least they have a safe person.  He and I will get to see each other Saturday at a place I’ve known for almost 10 years.  THAT is cool.

Let’s sit back for a moment and visualize you are driving down a freeway – and you see a car turn on its driver’s-side turn indicator (aka – blinker).  What would you assume is going to happen??  So I merged into the lane after the car passing me was a safe distance ahead and WOW!!!  Little “Baby <3z U” in the Nissan behind me was PISSED!  The hand gestures and mouthing and body movements…Holy cow….  I rolled down
my window to wave at her and politely pointer at the turning indicator to calmly let her know I had, in fact, conveyed the message that I would be entering her lane, but she did not seem to like that one bit.  At one point she did the hang loose sign with both hands and if it wasn’t for the angry facial affect, I would  have thought she was, perhaps, inviting me to a luau at her place.  I turned on my blinker again and exited the lane once I had passed the car in front on me (as the left lane is for passing), then continued to use my turn indicator as I passed a few more cars.  She seems to slow down and remained in the right lane (as is proper for slower- moving vehicles).  Glad to be of service

On the way home from class, I listened to Stromae – a Belgian popstar.  I was pleased to realize that despite 20 years, I still understood enough of the French language to be able to understand (to a certain degree) the premise of the song.  I wonder if there isn’t an app I can buy that would teach me French (though Spanish would make a helluva lot more sense).  Class alone – about 4 hours a week in the car – that could do a lot.  On a similar note, I notice a lot of readers here are from France and Romania.  <smile>  Nice!  

Pictures: Foresthill Basecamp, courtesy TheMatt.  As of today there are over 92,000 acres burned and 7,621 fire personnel; A worksheet on tornado storms <smile>; and THIS healthy lunch!!  ...After three cupcakes...

September 23, 2014

THIS morning, my yoga did happen, but it was music-less.  Somehow the whole hook-up-in-put-out-put is all messed up (because of how The Boy put it back together again).  There isn’t a way to watch Netflix (which is fine, since I have no time), but I can’t hear my rad spiritual/gentle chant-y song yoga music either…instead I hear TWO roosters crowing at the neighbor’s house, which isn’t very peaceful.  I finally have cocks in my life and it has to be the annoying kind. 

Led Zeppelining all morning to the live 2007 London show..ohhhh, sooo goooood.  The morning drive was  a beautiful one, as I drove to work, windows open, feeling the cool air with my arms.  I saw 20+ engines/strike teams heading to the fire…waved and was waved to.  What a great start to the day.

Work was exhausting.  I MUST take a quick ten minute break before 3^rd block to rejuvenate and gather my senses via quinoa before I hit ICT.  The rest of the day is almost as crazy, except in a non-computer way, which makes it 28% better.

Once I got home, I was delighted to see Geni had left a bag with supplies for the firefighters for me.  I will drop it off tomorrow to Micaela on my way to Practicum.  I got in touch with Brian, because my computers have been SOOOO SLOWWW.  Apparently it isn’t wise to have 12 tabs open on both windows of Mozilla and then never fully shut computer down.  I was constipating it.  After THAT was solved,  it was RIGHT to paper writing: case management, which is something I have never done before and is quite different from therapy.  I’m not sure I  would make a good case manager…I want to get into the dirt. The dogs have become some of my first clients.  They  peeing all over the damn house because they are:   feeling a)neglected, b)abused, c) are intellectually disabled in locating the dog door that they find just fine when they feel like it, d) they are presenting aspects of adhd-canine variety, e)depressive disorder due to another medical condition, I could go on all day.  But at this point, Kathy is right – I should lower my standards (even more – the house is a mess) and realize that one day they may decide to pee outside.

 

Honestly, I can’t think of anything to write for the 5^th of the 5-a-Day.  I should have cut my losses and gone with a 4-a-Day.  Sometime you just have to know when to quit (which is a skill I lack, anyway.  See record :alcohol, cranberry crunch, nachos....)

Pictures: My new bottle of Patchouli oil since I'm almost out; I'm not very GLAD about my container that holds my fresh grapefruit.  It keeps leaking.  Glad sucks; The seniors are affected too, even though the King Fire is burning in the other direction.  Latest stats: 89,574 acres and 7,504 fire personnel.  

September 22, 2014

The smell of rain put me to sleep and the smell of smoke woke me up.  My body was so ready for yoga that it decided it was time get up around 4:45.  I tried to ignore it, but it had a deal going with my brain, so my poor soul(which is very tired) was outnumbered 2:1.    Unfortunately, the DVD player was ignoring the TV (or vice versa) and I couldn’t get anything going but the incense.  I was a teensy bit angry.  Plus, the living room was still a mess.  Granted, there is no longer a 3 bedroom fort in my living area, but things weren’t put away, everything was 4 inches askew (which makes it tricky at night when I’m trying to walk through the house in darkness).  That’s it.   No more forts.*Later*  It turns out Ethan DID have everything hooked up correctly, but it was now on component 1 rather than component 2, but I was already in a shitty mood.  Told Magaliacious that if she wasn't ready by the time we needed to leave that it was on her, because I was going and would leave her at home.  Now, to be fair, though the kids are always putting on shoes, etc. at the last moment (it seems) when I am in a rush, 96% of the time I am the reason we leave later.  Just so we’re clear, I am fully aware of my part. ;)

The work day was not super.  It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t super.  Now I back on “waiting-to-get- bitched- at” mode again.  I am so thankful for last week’s talk: repeat “ I’m in the wrong job for my training, I’m in the wrong job for my training”  Got home to see I’d underpaid $22 and was now almost a hundred dollars over in fees, plus I dropped a $20 somewhere.  As for all the money this weekend – I guess I won’t be repaid and it was a truly donation to the firefighters.  I can write use it as a tax write-off, right?  Then I hear Ethan isn’t showing up for his tutoring like he is supposed to be doing….  This is getting bad very quickly.

A good point, however, is that my milkweed is seeding, so I took about 6 seeds and planted them in a pot, I also let a few sides float away on the breeze with their silky parachutes.  The rest I saved in an envelope and I would like to see about starting some milkweed from seed in the spring.  If things in my life are currently a bit fucked up,  at least I can do my part to help save monarch  butterfly.  Then it was time to break a mold and relax a little.  I did something else that hasn’t been done in a while: a man bought me dinner.  I was quite nervous, though I wasn’t (make sense?), because I knew there were no expectations from him, though I had several from my Self to content with.  I found that, as free as I speak my mind on my 5-a-Day, when it comes down to it and I am called out, I’m filled with that well-known friend, Fear.  I talk a good game, but use the excuse of <fill in the blank> to get out of following through.  To Dude:  It was quite lovely.  Thank you.

This evening, just before dinner, I received a text from my son, who was very angry that I shared information about tutoring with his father and wrote, “You know, sometimes I don’t want to live because of that.”  There it is.  Now, as a post-head-injury, dual diagnosis teenager (depression and alcoholism), I experienced about a decade of suicidal ideations.  I know them well…but never at 12 years of age.  This is the part of Ethan that I knew was there and I am glad he finally said something to me so that we can now try to do something.  That kid hates school, now he has to do even more with study hall/tutoring.  He doesn't grasp concepts and doesn't want to do something he doesn't see himself excelling in.  This isn’t pretty at all and I’m not quite sure how to work with him.  There have been issues since he was 18 months old.  Initially it was sensorial processing disorder.  Assessments are being done, however, and I will do anything I can do to help this kid and make school better for him. His dad and I have other ideas, but any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. 

Pictures: Last year at this time, I was heading to/back from DustUp, which was a great weekend and I'm so glad I go to be a part of it.; a Copy of Spinelli's "StarGirl" which is such a kickass book.  I hope Ethan meets a StarGirl.  He sure could use one. <3