October 28, 2015

It is getting deliciously cool at night, so the fan blowing in that night air makes bed my perfect hideaway.  My god, but I have always loved The Night.  I spent time looking for houses…went the final mile and asked for help on Facebook to see if anyone knows of a rental.  I hate asking for help…unless it has to do with my recovery, then all pride is gone, because I don’t want to Tangle with Death again.  

The day was good from the get-go because the sky was cloudy and it had already rained.  One downside to the fan being on is I don’t hear the rain at night.  I headed to my second-to-last therapy session – and the words just spilled from my mouth…blah-blah-blah this…blah-blah-blah that…wow.  One would think I’ve never done therapy before (I’m actually a seasoned professional).  What many people don’t understand is how beneficial therapy is!  We process in our own way, but having someone who validates, empathizes, can offer evidence-based help and direction...it's beautiful.   I had the opportunity to see their sandbox room – and there they were, in uniform and ready to play, like days of old: Troy Aikman and Emmitt Smith.

Lunch had been left at home, so I went back to gather it, as I had almost one and a half hours until group.  I cleaned, straightened, washed the trash can out - there was to be an inspection for pests and a viewing this evening.  As I walked around the kitchen…I noticed the empty cranberry crunch pan in the sink and thought…about how short life is, how long an hour-fifteen is, and got busy.  I know, I know, I know I have a problem with this.  I’m not stupid.  One issue is that my thighs were lonely without each other - they're only 43 years old, for chrissake.  Another problem is I have spoiled taste buds who (they are their own little people on my tongue) enjoy fresh cranberries..and butter..brown sugar….you get the point.  

I spoke with the rental agency and explained my situation -she was such a lovely lady to talk to, but has no say whatsoever over rental choices, so it's up in the air.  Supervision – awesome-as-always with my people, and afterwards –AFTERWARDS!  I “put on my clinician’s hat” and spoke with CPS.  I used big-ass clinical words every now and again…I think Chuck, my classmate, would have been proud.  What made me even happier was – he, the CPS worker, wanted to help – he had this kid’s best interest at heart.  Next client (2 hours later) was a no show, so off I go – 

- to pick up some dinner, celebrate by myself, again, then home to my little house…for a while.   Katie, from the kid’s Montessori pre-school, had said her friend bought a house with a guest home she’d like to rent out.  It’s 2 rooms, but dogs are ok, and it’s near the kid’s school, so that is a huge possibility.  It closes the day after we are to leave this house…so maybe that’s another gentle shove from Universe to get to Europe?  There is always my living in the bus on the old property idea….  Who knows.  I’m feeling safer, not dreading the ‘under the bridge’ scene as much, anymore, but still ask people to keep eyes and ears open.  Universe provides.  I chatted more with a guy I dated in high school.  It is so ultra cool putting the current number of an ex boyfriend into your cellphone.  I have so many terrific memories with him..and every time I went Midland, I'd see his apartment off of Loop 250.  Those are magical memories for me which I'll always cherish.

Pictures:  Troy & Emmitt, a winning team once again; Penny for your thoughts?  The Counseling Center; I KNOW I HAVE A PROBLEM, OK?!?!  Isn't awareness the first step??; Such beautiful clouds today; A groovy van that reminds me of Jaime Soto in Hollywood....