October 27, 2015

I woke up with a hole in my heart: that the one good thing I’ve ever created I gave away…but really, what would I have down with it (coffee shop with desserts and therapy, right, Susan?).  In all honesty – as I told my friend Conrad this morning, I want to shift…I want to change.  My world is on a HUGE course of change right now, and so it is time to give away freely, or much more freely than I am accustomed to.  A fear I hold onto is one brought to me about almost twenty years ago (coming this January).  I was sober and alive – but I was homeless.  I was so happy, but I also lived in fear of not knowing, little safety, so I clung to things – to stuff, like a security blanket.  I still have that coffee mug I was given once I was able to secure my very first studio apartment after many months – and...I’ve collected similar meaningful items.  But now I am ok…aren’t I?  I’ll find a home, won’t I?  So, it shall be all right…ok, to give away, right?  First we begin with the Cranberry Crunch.

Overcast skies greeted me as I sped off to supervision.  I found a letter in my mailbox at work, beginning with the words… “it is with great excitement that I welcome you…” and thus, I  was granted paid employment at my home of 11 months beginning November 2.  It isn’t much…it won’t be much, but the experience and the clientele I have worked/am working/will work with can be topped by none.  I worked on paperwork and hour times after supervision and then at 11:45, it was time….

…To go view another house, the beautiful one I looked at yesterday.  The three rooms are as small as here, but there are 2 bathrooms, there is land…that beautiful tree I hugged, a deck off the room which would be my bedroom.  There was a woman looking at it with her daughter and I am sure there are many more applications.  The owner will choose the person who is to live there, which makes me sad…I am not sure my work history is steady enough to impress someone.  Maybe I will call the rental agency and explain my situation a bit?

Back to work and I GOT A CALL FROM THE CPS WORKER!    This is good!  Now , maybe things will roll along.  To be fair – it isn’t fair to blame (as a whole) these agencies…people (like myself) generally do these because we care and want to help – to make a difference.  What trips us up is all the legislative bullshit red tape.   Headed out to see a client, headed back AFTER seeing client (and presenting a train book ) in time to write 3 prog notes and plan a solo-driven coup of the agency with Steve(who wasn’t really a part of it, but I’m sure he supported me all the same). Then off to Parent Project, where Officer Stelz, whom I’ve known for years through our kids and working at the school) presented on drugs and gangs.  I was heartbroken and shocked to see someone I used to work with on a slide –all tatted up and with the 18^th Street gang, whom I know from living in SoCal.

Home…to my dogs..and a house that echoes more and more as I get stuff out.  I didn’t have the chance to move anything today, but maybe tomorrow.  I’ll end up making two moves…one from here and one from the storage unit.  It’s never the easy way, Munzer….

Pictures:  Nice; And there he was ...watching me.... Nice one, Ethan.