February 11, 2016

One of the first things I noticed this morning was that my eye swelling was down.  Shelley was right – it was allergies (maybe she should become my doctor) and a little cortisone helped it right away.

The kids were going to dad’s for the long weekend, which makes me kinda sad, but the bus is getting fixed up, so we couldn’t have gone on my NorCal road trip, anyway.   I got busy with “the next indicated thing” and wrote another letter to the school, this time I included the owner.  I heard back almost immediately (from the owner) which was a good thing.  I honestly think that they shall hire someone else, but I shall still go through in getting my degrees recognized in Switzerland so that I have that ready should it work out.  I need a secured job before I move there.  I may be adventurous, but I’m not stupid.

Juvenile hall – I mentioned to one of the supervisors that I had interviewed there about 9 years earlier for a position and thought I did really well.  I didn’t get any further. At the same time, I also interviewed at the county jail for a CO position and thought I had bombed the interview – I was called back again.  Obviously I didn’t get either job, but it goes to show how our perception is very different from those of others.  I’m reading a book by Jane Nelsen and she mentioned this very thing. 

Tonight was the first night of parenting class and Jen is always a joy to work with.  Plus, she was there to support me, literally and figuratively when my bra strap (on its last threads on one side) became unhooked.  Hanging high and low was quite disconcerting to me, yet Jen was there for me.  She's truly a breast friend.

 Billy Idol sang to me on the drive home.  Mags enjoys listening to him and I love that my girl digs Billy Idol.  I did, too, when I was 12.  Maybe it’s an undocumented female developmental stage.  A waxing red crescent moon hung low in the night sky as it began its climb, which I find to be so spiritually beautiful..  Perhaps my magic is coming back.

Pictures: Wicked Tree;  A ridiculous quiz I took to see who my romance soul animal is -this is the state of my single-hood - I'm looking at animals; "Understanding Our Children - the first step.

November 10, 2105

So long ago…this morning, it was my first time at the school – solo.  I was seeing my first client there.  I wasn’t necessarily nervous about that because as soon as I meet the kids, it’s ok, but I worry about protocol.  It’s much more complex now than it was 15-20 years ago, so many more “to dos” than there were.  Sadly, the bottom line isn’t really helping the kid anymore, it’s about money. I met the principal before the session and we spoke about the 7 new referrals (there were 2 more after my session) and I got some history on the students.  Some of these kids – one especially - wow, the horrors they encounter through no fault of their own, plus connections between kids and Parent Project happened this morning.  The session went well and then back to the office…

…where I was assaulted by audits. I understand parts, I do not understand more parts, but I hope it will slowly start to become clearer.  I spent a good hour plus on that (emphasis on the “plus”).  I need to learn a system with daily stats and Penelope.  I love that I went from no-hire, to 24 hours, to a little more, to BAM!  more clients than I could hope for.  It's pretty cool.  It was around this time that I learned I may not be able to chaperon the trip to my kid’s school because of the second TB test I had done Monday… That would suck.   It seems that having it done so close to the one last week (Tuesday, I think) can result in a false positive.

Back to the school just in time (was early, actually) for a no-show, then to the shelter.  I wish I had more training, more knowledge on what to do, how to help.    I feel my usefulness is so limited.  Back to office to write things up and then new client arrived.  I continue to be amazed on a daily basis how FUCKED up adults are and what they do to their kids.  Honestly – don’t fucking have kids if you can’t take care of yourself.  I couldn’t take care of myself at one point in my life, so I gave my child to a family who could give him the life he deserved.  I know, I know…many of these people come from just as bad a place and are doing the best they can…I know.  I just don’t understand….

And then- off to Parent Project where I was able to hear more horrific stories about kids – this time in a bit of a different twist, but still.  That stone thrown into the pond creates some mighty big ripples which affect a lot of people.  I headed to a store to grab some items to make chicken tortilla soup in the crock pot after group.  Yesterday, I accidentally made steak chili soup and it is delicious, so I decided soup should be the solution.  I can eat it for breakfast (just the soup – no fancy tortilla stuff added) and that’ll be terrific.

It was while mixing ingredients that I realized the weekend chaperon trip was the same day as the Mother Hips show.  WHAT???  Dammit.  If I can chaperon, I’ll just have to turn around and drive back to the city.  I have 2 reservations at 2 hotels plus tickets, fer chrissake.  I can’t miss that, as I hope it’s my last one.  THEN (this really needs to be emphasized hence all caps), Tatjana let me know TWO very important things:  A) we are going by TRAIN and 2) the trip is MONDAY thru WEDNESDAY!!    Let’s keep fingers crossed that my TB isn’t positive (cough, cough).

Pictures:  Edwin Markham, Poet Laureate of Oregon from 1923-1931.  He also taught literature in El Dorado County and was education  superintendent of the county; The main room to my office at the school.

October 27, 2015

I woke up with a hole in my heart: that the one good thing I’ve ever created I gave away…but really, what would I have down with it (coffee shop with desserts and therapy, right, Susan?).  In all honesty – as I told my friend Conrad this morning, I want to shift…I want to change.  My world is on a HUGE course of change right now, and so it is time to give away freely, or much more freely than I am accustomed to.  A fear I hold onto is one brought to me about almost twenty years ago (coming this January).  I was sober and alive – but I was homeless.  I was so happy, but I also lived in fear of not knowing, little safety, so I clung to things – to stuff, like a security blanket.  I still have that coffee mug I was given once I was able to secure my very first studio apartment after many months – and...I’ve collected similar meaningful items.  But now I am ok…aren’t I?  I’ll find a home, won’t I?  So, it shall be all right…ok, to give away, right?  First we begin with the Cranberry Crunch.

Overcast skies greeted me as I sped off to supervision.  I found a letter in my mailbox at work, beginning with the words… “it is with great excitement that I welcome you…” and thus, I  was granted paid employment at my home of 11 months beginning November 2.  It isn’t much…it won’t be much, but the experience and the clientele I have worked/am working/will work with can be topped by none.  I worked on paperwork and hour times after supervision and then at 11:45, it was time….

…To go view another house, the beautiful one I looked at yesterday.  The three rooms are as small as here, but there are 2 bathrooms, there is land…that beautiful tree I hugged, a deck off the room which would be my bedroom.  There was a woman looking at it with her daughter and I am sure there are many more applications.  The owner will choose the person who is to live there, which makes me sad…I am not sure my work history is steady enough to impress someone.  Maybe I will call the rental agency and explain my situation a bit?

Back to work and I GOT A CALL FROM THE CPS WORKER!    This is good!  Now , maybe things will roll along.  To be fair – it isn’t fair to blame (as a whole) these agencies…people (like myself) generally do these because we care and want to help – to make a difference.  What trips us up is all the legislative bullshit red tape.   Headed out to see a client, headed back AFTER seeing client (and presenting a train book ) in time to write 3 prog notes and plan a solo-driven coup of the agency with Steve(who wasn’t really a part of it, but I’m sure he supported me all the same). Then off to Parent Project, where Officer Stelz, whom I’ve known for years through our kids and working at the school) presented on drugs and gangs.  I was heartbroken and shocked to see someone I used to work with on a slide –all tatted up and with the 18^th Street gang, whom I know from living in SoCal.

Home…to my dogs..and a house that echoes more and more as I get stuff out.  I didn’t have the chance to move anything today, but maybe tomorrow.  I’ll end up making two moves…one from here and one from the storage unit.  It’s never the easy way, Munzer….

Pictures:  Nice; And there he was ...watching me.... Nice one, Ethan. 

September 30, 2015

I slept deeper than I have in some time…and my mind knew it.  I dreamt I was dying because I had taken propofol just like Michael Jackson had and now it was too late.  What a horrible feeling!  On the brighter side, my cough has been silenced and my body now has a chance to repair itself. 

I was so tired I texted my supervisor and was able to delay our session, which is good.  I got an entire 12 hours of sleep last night.  When I did finally awake, I worked on translating the letter I had received from the Swiss Geschäftsstelle Psychologieberufekommission, which is essentially the Office of Psychological  occupations committee.  If what I have read and been told thus far is correct, my degree should transfer over and I will be recognized as a psychologist, provided I work in offices which require such schooling.  It is dependent upon the canton and work site.  Of course, CH has many, many, many professional who work in research, clinical, etc and have doctorate upon doctorate, but their classification system is a bit different.  I’ll learn more as I interpret those 4 mile-long words.

 

I went into work and worked a bit on the Capstone.  I feel Weber is nit-picking on a few things which weren’t mentioned in the first go-round.  It’s ok – I get it…the man is holding on to my charming personality for as long as he can, right?  I’ll call CAMFT (CA Assoc. of MFTs)  tomorrow and get legal standings on a 14 year old’s rights in terms of confidentiality.  Met with Susan and we discussed clients, etc, then out to write up notes.  I met with my client-who-has-returned and am devastates at the level of sorrow and a world which has been flipped upside down.  Suddenly a step-parent is gone, and homelessness is now an issue.  My role has changed from therapist to a social worker as I try to case manage and provide resources to this broken family.

Off to Parent Project (which also has its fair share of devastating stories).  It isn’t always that a kid goes down the wrong path because of abuse or neglect issues…sometimes all it takes is losing your heart to the wrong person – someone who does drugs.  My god, I’m keeping an eye on my kids when they are beginning to date people.  

My first art therapy class begins on October 1 – looking forward and I will continue my Nurtured Heart lesson tomorrow before group therapy.  I’m looking into adding as much as I can to see what could be useful in Switzerland.  I’m pumped up again about that.  It must’ve been the Folsom chestnuts.  

Pictures: I shan't lie, I took no pictures today, yet here is a Nature Montage ~ The succulents sit in my window ledge at work, the sunflower is also at work, the moss was on a hike.  

September 22, 2015

Another not-super-fantastic night of sleep again.  I wonder why I keep waking up multiple times through the night?  On the way to school I mentioned a tradition in Europe (Austria and Switzerland that I know of) where cows are brought down from the mountains for the winter.  They are decorated with lovely wreaths of flowers and their big beautiful bells.  Ethan and Mags smiled at this.  So many wonderful traditions which have been going on for hundreds for years.  I also mentioned my friend Elena at work who moved to Chile when she was 15 with no experience with Spanish – how difficult she said it was, but she wouldn’t trade it for the world. Seed planted.  By the time I got the kids to school and was at work, I was already prepared to go to bed.  Today was the day my old client would become my newest client again, so I was looking forward to that and supervision is always grand.  I still thank my lucky stars to have my supervisor.  We talked about various cases and then…it was time to get to work.

Except there was only paper work to do and much of this wasn’t even necessary as I had much of it prepped beforehand, however I thought it best to work on my Capstone here rather than at home where I would get distracted.  I mean, that can’t happen here at work, right??  It wasn’t long before I couldn’t see anything, I was that tired.  I needed to get home for a quick lay down and reboot of the personal sort.  I am really one of those people who cannot function well if I don’t “x” hours of sleep.  I came home to a n email from my AirBnB in Zurich that she had to cancel my booking due to unexpected surgery and she would need the flat, soooo….Humph.  I wrote Tamara, but not before I saw the dates I had booked were the ones booked for the hotel.  How did I do this???  See how Universe is watching out for me?  Tamara wrote me back as I rested and when I got up (after not falling asleep) I made a request.  We will see how it goes.

My client.  While it was good to see the child again – great in fact, it was also heartbreaking as tears were brimming due to a deal with a teacher for a skeleton key that would not be realized.  There is so little in this child’s lifer and now the life has been disrupted even more with so many big changes.  I have learned about many things which need to take place immediately.  This child needed services 11 years ago so I will be doing a lot of case managing.  I am honored.  

No time to go home before Parent Project so I worked on paperwork and then headed to Safeway for 2 salads, sans dressing (yuk).  I think Jake has forsaken me – he never responded when I sent him available time for a workout, but I’m still coughing and tiring easily.  The group went well, I think Jen and I have it set up well, I just wish I had her stories (or memory, for starters).  Horrific stories.  Life can certainly be brutal.

I headed home, to my kids.  Girl was already asleep and boy was doing homework.  There had been internet problems but he managed to get other stuff done.  The trick is to teach him to stay caught up.  He is growing…so quickly.  His voice, ever deeper…he seems taller.  She is such a young lady already – so mature.  My goodness, I love these two more than I can describe.

Pictures:  Writing my prog note; CH ~ "ALMOST"