February 29, 2016

The clock read 4:07...I just don't know how to stay asleep anymore - I am up and wired, then too awake at night to go to bed early.  This mind of mine just keeps on racing, spinning.  I love being physically exhausted, but there isn't much of that happening anymore.

My Maggie was sick this wrong - and this is rare.  Sore throat.  I let her sleep, dropped off boy, picked up dogs, showed lady at kennel my Hips poster that Jason got me because everytime I leave the dogs at the kennel  it's to go see the Hips, so I thought an intro was pertinent. 

Back at home,  I waited for rodent guy and sink-leak-fixer guy.  Yes we have rodents (duh) yes, it is mice (garage) and rats (inside walls).  Of course.  Jimminy crickets, can't I attract anything else in homes?  Also the French door screen will be repaired or replaced next week so we can leave the door open and no flies will enter the house.  This is kind of a shame because it gives Mabi something to herd, yet the incessant barking when the fly is on the ceiling is maddening....  Before my EMDR appointment, I headed to purchase some waterproof pants/shoes for me/Ethan but that was unsuccessful.  A dollar late and a day short...or something like that.

At EMDR so many more things came to light.  In my accident, I experienced a broken rib, collapsed lung, cracked collar bone - which explains why I feel chest pressure whenever I'm "triggered" as of late during driving.  Several other things but no EMDR.  There are too many unknowns and so a neuropsychological battery has been suggested and I just happen to know a psychologist who does just such assessments.  I will ask and see if I can be pointed in the right direction.  The reasoning behind this is to determine the basis of my triggers because unraveling the accident itself, which is buried deep, deep, deep in my subconsciousness, probably wouldn't be the grandest of ideas - especially since I enjoy road trips and am here now, it seems, where Zurich's wonderful transit is not available.  Besides, I just added the VW onto my FasTrak account.

 

Off to look for the boots and pants, but again, nothing.  Soon, I headed to my hairstylist who did an amazing job...and then:  I saw the new "owner" of the place - Etyhan's old pediatrician who had lost his first wife about 5 years ago and now (I realized) he had lost his second wife in a tragic car accident in October.  Oh my - who am I to complain about ANYTHING???

 

Pictures: This mornings Wicket Tree - my eyes are very sensitive, something is wrong because they hurt.  Again.  No more community medical drs - I need to see an ophthalmologist; Cenotes SCUBA; My new lunch box; a terrific pen at EMDR

Septmeber 21, 2015

Around 4, 4:17 a.m.  to be precise, I woke up with my thoughts focused on a meeting about Ethan Thursday morning (I hope).  It is yet another meeting to help Ethan become more successful in school….  I have been doing these meetings (and many others) for over 11 years now and to be honest, I don’t see it changing here.  All the right words are said, I know the hearts are in the right places, but the bottom line is this:  My son learns in a different way than most of his peers.  It takes more explanations, different ways of examples, and in general, a lot of patience because he hates school.  After 11 years of “Ethan struggles in…” or “We want to help than overcome his struggles…” or even him writing “I struggle..”, “I could try harder…”, “my goal is to finish…”, “my biggest hurdle is…”.  The weight is unbearable.  There have been IEPs and 504s.  Still, he is always behind.  I know, because the second he is with me, we are in my room, laptop out and we are working.  I know he hates it, but he is diligent about it.    Willingly walking that gang plank every day.  Makes me think of 2 weeks ago with the dread in his voice as he mentioned the whole year which lay before him.  I will say it again, I can’t figure out the damn homework assignments, how the hell is he supposed to?  How is this 504 helping him?  L and I talked Saturday.  He thinks we should just finish out the school year.  I don’t know.  I am filled with dread..reminded of the definition of insanity – trying the same thing again and again, expecting different results.  It doesn’t work, I know this personally.  I know the biggest advocate of Ethan is himself, but he very clearly  is not on the same team as I am, because he doesn’t think he is worth it – he has never tasted that thrill of victory in realizing what an incredible kid he is, so how is that to change here?

I took Maggie to school (she had stayed the weekend with me, Ethan was at L’s house) and on the way she asked me when I started dating.  Mind you – it was different for me – I was in Zurich living with Tanti, able to commute all over the city and outskirts on my own and I was also very mature and independent.  We talked about that, because there are two very different subjects at hand here -  “dating” as it is now classified by some, is hanging out with groups of kids and that special someone.  A large number of kids are doing this now and putting off the serious one-on-one stuff until later.  The other “dating” refers to sex.  This is something which also deals with the physiological aspects of development as hormones are very active in teens.  I told Maggie in my eyes, the most important thing was honest communication with her partner.  1 in 4 girls under the age of 18 is raped.  There are often unwanted pregnancies.  I had a pregnancy at a young (to me) age despite using birth control.  Her father fathered a child at a young age.  These are frequent talks I have with both of my children at the drop of a hat. I think sex is a very normal and natural thing – educating our kids is paramount

After that home and back to Capstone.  I had heard back from Weber and was able to get a lot of it completed – for now.  The biggest issue I have is formatting.  At 2 I had a very fancy appointment with Nicole to get my hair “done.”  This is, without a doubt, the most exhilarating thing I have going on right now – that hair washing…oh my god.  I made “feel good” noises very quietly (and unintentionally) as she washed my hair, which is good as she might freak out.  I think she did a fabulous job giving my hair a beautiful look.  After she finished styling, I convinced her to tale some shots of my so I can change my LinkedIn photo .

Quick rush home to throw chicken in the oven for a roast, then off to the store to pick up a few things for the kids and myself.  Day 6 or maybe 7 of eggs and spinach!  Jake would be so proud.  Ran into so many people I knew there: Erin from Union Mine, Cherie from CMP and Janette from New Morning.  It almost felt like an intervention.  After this,  I headed to CMP for a Math 2 lesson for parents (on how to help our kids).  Oh I would do anything to help this boy.  I’d even take Math again.  Really.  I just don’t know what to do – he needs a psychic change (yes, a little AA talk here) towards school.

At home, we enjoyed roasted chicken and rösti.  It was quite delicious.  We re-watched the Doctor Who from yesterday with Strax and then Ethan and I got busy on his homework.  He didn’t last long though…he soon fell asleep, so I sent him to bed.  He mentioned he hasn’t been sleeping well at his dad’s and I know football wears him out.  I am more determined than ever to help this kid.  At one point things will click.  This is not an uncommon scenario for many boys and I, for one, will do whatever I can to support him.

Pics 'n Flicks: This is Ethan as he creates himself Peanuts-style. ; Mags with her face mask (right on time - I was doing the same at her age); Here I am, Sepia-style after Nicole's terrific job at Bella Capelli; Strax - this guy.  Oh.My.God.  lovelolvelovelovelove.  I guess I like men in uniform, just  never thought it'd be a Sontaran commander.