October 1, 2015

Today was supposed to be a perfect day because there were clouds and a bit of rain.  I received a UPS package from Grace – that beautifully wonderful woman – a  German book on the language basics.  This will be rad – something I’ll show the kids as soon as I get them back.  A book like this will help them get their feet wet.  At some point we need to start Fluenz.  I had a whole day until 5 – an art lesson at noon, and so much could happen today.

Only it didn’t.  I cut out more pictures for collages, I listened to more Nurtured Heart lessons, I did my art (it was very similar to the class we’d had on Friday) and my skill with oil pastels is icky.  Still, I did it and I am trying open my mind to new thoughts, different ideas, line-less boxes I can think outside of.  

At 5 I met my client – this kid is a sweetheart – and I brought my collage material, my speaker and some relaxing music by David & Steve Gordon.  We had a good session, touching on all sorts of things, which was necessary while creating a good relationship.  

At 6ish, I headed to go pickup more cough syrup since they had run out and couldn’t fill my whole order.  Another issue and more trouble.  Just as I was about the walk out with the words “I might as well have stayed at WalMart – it doesn’t matter where I go”, the lady stopped me and did her damn best to help me.  I apologized for my words, because it truly wasn’t her fault – she had shared Monday (though she doesn’t remember)that she has been at this pharmacy 10 years and is desperately seeking another job –that it is crazy.  That is one of the problems in this country – people are so unhappy at their meager-paying jobs they have to have to pay the bills.  I had my gym stuff in the car – it is getting close.  This has been day 3 of almost no coughing, and my body is telling me it is time to sweat again(plus my ass is beginning to grow).

At 7 I was home, where I finished up attempt number 3 on my Capstone – we will see where it goes.  I am really going to miss those people at Brandman.  I am FB friends with Wendy, and LinkedIn with Weber, but it’ll be sad not seeing them on a regular basis.  I  was invited to a Halloween birthday party at Eric and Shannon’s – that could be great fun.  I wonder if I have the kids that weekend or not.     I notice that when I stay in, with my head and my Self, I become rather melancholy.  I need to get OUT - explore this WORLD - stop creating my own cell-bars. The problems with a day like today is I want to be in love and we all know that just won't do.  Not yet, maybe never.  So, tomorrow I'll get out and get STRONG.  That's my plan for tomorrow.

Pictures: A very-baby sunflower; Gorgeous clouds from today's weather; I'm going about becoming a berry-lover in the wrong way.

September 26, 2015

I slept with dreams that made me nervous, and just as I was reaching a point of solutions, I woke up. WHY  does that happen every time?  It was a warm night, even with the window open and the fan blowing luke-warm air on me.  It sure is a hot fall.  

Hot coffee doesn’t make the situation better.  Yet Saturday mornings inspire me and I am usually filled with such motivation.  Today was no different.  I was intent on finishing up my Capstone revision, Attempt the Second, and sending it in.  I am hoping there is no Attempt the Third.  Unfortunately, my attention was taking a break today and was nowhere to be found.  I opened my mail and found Marco’s acceptance.  Until he cancels our reservation, we have an AirBnB spot in Zurich for the first 5 days of our trip.  Ethan and I had a talk this morning about Switzerland.  He is still thinking we are going, and my god, I hope that to be true.  But I won’t lie, I am seeing my dreams crumbling, or at least being put on hold, because I have to make sure he finds success.

Around 3 ish, I I got word that Chris was coming over to deliver stuff. In order to get said stuff, however, I needed to have money, so I headed to the ATM and also picked up a poster board to make him a wizard’s hat (I promised him one a couple of months ago).  Chris is a little bit of a magic man when it comes to computers  It would almost seem like any talent I could have with computers was sucked away, doubled, then doubled again and given to Chris, so a few weeks ago when my computer started to act up, I told it if it didn’t shape up I would text Chris and did.  It started acting right moments after, so I told him I would make him a wizard’s hat.  The kids and I made him a fabulous wizard’s hat with rainbows, unicorns and hearts.  Maggie did most of it as Ethan and I worked on stuff.  It was so fabulous!  Wish we had taken a picture.

Chris hung out for a while as he finished getting the refurbished laptops I had purchased for the kids ready.  The old laptops they have been using are lagging so slowly it is horrific, so for a very low price I was able to get these.  We had a blast while he installed and cleaned, so many jokes and fun comments.  That guy is like a brother I never had. Seriously, he is my BFF who lives far away (the nethervalley).  Ethan made Salisbury steaks and rösti and then we all ate dinner.  Maggie played The Office clips and on the parkour clip I just about lost it I was laughing so hard – tears where running down my face and I couldn’t breathe.  Good times (last night while getting Ethan’s shoes at Big 5,  I yelled “Karpour!  Close, but not close enough).  

After Chris left, I cut out clips from magazines for collages until my back hurt (don’t ask).  I was saddened by all the white people!  I swear, the only people of color I saw where so close to white that it might have just been some people who got a little extra sun before the photo shoot.  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH COLOR (asks one of the whitest people there is)?  If I had any ideas how to do this, I would create an EVERYBODY magazine that mentioned all sorts of different issues faced by different ethnic groups as well as celebratory things about that ethnic group.  I think America has been too damn “white” for too damn long.  Later, I heard from my friend Nora who is a former teacher.  She not only has worked with kids who have learning issues but math is her specialty.  She has offered to work with Ethan and so the two of them are going to hang out with each other tomorrow.  This couldn’t come at a better time.  Cross fingers that Ethan sees the light soon!!

Pictures: Capstone revision sent in!; Marco accepted;  All my festival bands: Hipnic, High Siera, DustUp, Hangtown Halloween, others I can't recall -time to throw away; Pseudo-white Ethnic kids.

September 14, 2015

This morning was unlike any other: that alarm went off and I was OUT of bed (without really remembering why, I just knew it was imperative that I HUSTLE!).  By the time I stumbled into the kitchen I remembered I had cinnamon rolls to bake and got going.  It really wasn't tough at all…it’s that hours of rising-time that got me.  "Ain’t nobody got time for ‘dat!"  They had 15 minutes to get their act together.  I knew that temperature was a catalyst here, so I boosted the temp from 200 to 500 (double time, right?) while I cleared the ridiculous counter-top which was no longer clean.  Maggie is going to disown me, I know.  I whipped up the rolls, threw them (scrunched far too tightly) into the glass pie dish and sipped coffee.  Or maybe I threw together the glaze, who knows.  I know my dad’s ashes were rolling over.  His Parisian chef skill will never be mine, much to my dismay.Today is also Brandon's birthday.  My firstborn child is 23 years old.  He is older now than when I had him.  It's such a gift to be in constant communication with him.<3 br="">

I had simultaneously been making bacon because I doubted the rolls would come out as desired.  Maggie’s card was filled out, her flowers were prepped, milk was poured, I whispered loudly for Ethan and I headed into her room, singing ever so…silently?  Celabratorily? Who cares.  My baby was 12.  Her last Tween year.  I completely forgot about the balloon I had purchased last night (hiding everything in Ethan’s closet, including the cream cheese, overnight), so I ran to grab and…noticed…it read “Thank you.”    Huh??  It said Happy birthday yesterday, didn’t it?  Of course, I had run so quickly from the aisle where my items where waiting, all self-checked out, grabbed a card (it was an appropriate “Daughter birthday card”, no worries) and a balloon, which I thought read “Happy birthday!!”  Oh well.  Thank you for coming out of my vagina, Maggie!!    Mags was happy, the rolls tasted great but had no “Floof!” (next time, I’ll let them rise appropriately), and off to school we rolled.

Once at home, I GOT BUSY with my paper.  Somehow flying out of bed pumped me full of attitude and get-to-it-iveness.  For a strong two hours, I was writing and reading when I got a phone call from Ethan that he had forgotten his lunch, which I knew as I had seen it.  I had asked him if he’d packed it and he had insisted yes, but…  I had to drop something off for L at the school, anyway, soooo….off I went.  In the last 2 or so days, I’ve been thinking, hmmm.  It would be nice to be in a relationship again, to feel that pitter-patter of my heart.  Then, on days like today,  it hits me.  No.  Because even though we are divorced, I still do ALL of the child caring in terms of doctors and dentists and school, and appointments, and , and, and.  I do not need a 4^th child.  Where is this “partner”?? Who has that???  Humph.  Vent over.  Thank you.  Home again and back to my paper…it was go-go-go until I realized my client would be in CP soon, so I headed off and…what a delightful site/client/colleagues.  My client is progressing nicely…gotta work on that self-esteem, but doing nicely.  Sweet child…

At home, I dove back into work.  A couple of hours later I heard the subtle sound of drops falling ever so peacefully. The scent accompanied it and ohhh, how I have missed this.  I grabbed the dogs, (no leashes or anything) and headed out, braless myself, but who gives a damn – it was time for everyone to run loose.  We hit the parka and got busy with the basketball.  More people came out today than I expected.  Being copped up in the smoky air must be why; the fresh rain-scented air was glorious and Mabi ran to her heart’s delight.  At one point Annie ran off to explore.  I do worry sometimes because so many thing she is a cute little beagle and she is so friendly, but after 10 minutes, she came back.

At home, I made horrid dinner of grated sweet potato, spinach and egg.  Jake better appreciate this.  Actually, I will appreciate this when my body feels better.  A week without kids gives me enough time to get my “Blah” taste buds back.  After I ate, I finished up my paper.  The formatting drove me crazier than anything, but I think I’m good.  After I get/learn/discover my student ID number, I’m good to go.  Just have to hustle with my personal hours now.  I think I still need 13.  Spoke with sister tonight on face-time and fell in love all over again with my little niece.  Seriously, North Carolina would be an option if it wasn’t for this Switzerland thing.

Pics 'n flicks; Maggie is 12!!!; Bernie Sanders & Black Flag.  Yes;  The beautiful park; In honor of Jake: "Oh Lord Jesus, It's a fire..."  Yes, it is.