Tribe of Trio has moved....

I have moved my blog to tribeoftrio.com, a WordPress site.  I had too many difficulties with Blogger and couldn't resolve them.  I am slowly learning how to manuever around WordPress, there isn't  a lot of time, but I'll get there eventually.   Please feel free to visit my new site!

https://tribeoftrio.com



Thank you,
Ali

May 9, 2016

Despite best intentions, sometimes things just don't go the way we wish.  After a few months of "success"(?),  this morning I began taking my SSRI again.  No depression this time, yet anxiety isn't any better.  "It feels like an extreme version of being in love without being in love" is the way I described it to someone, except instead of butterflies in my tummy I got visions of my kids and I being killed in a car accident just about every time I got in a car.  That's no way to live.

When it rains, it pours (my favorite quote from a salt company).  There was a little feeling during yoga, but I ignored it.  A few hours later, though, while sitting with a client it became evident that I was NOT at all well, and so, I cancelled sessions and headed home.  Pepto Bismal helped my poor stomach feel calmer.

Literal down time gave me time to compose a wedding ceremony for June 23.  For 87 more days, I'm an official wedding-er.

I'm sad to miss the Bernie event, but just getting to Maggie's track practice for pick-up is bad enough (and its 10 minutes away from home).

Home where we tried to finish watching "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World".  I say tried because we had 23 minutes to complete when the 24 hour rental-time ran out.  I also recognized my illness-I got The Food Poisoning.  I had this years ago when L & I went to some fancy Folsom place.   This time I  only have myself to blame.  Damn Whole30 egg muffins.


Pictures: Meds ready & waiting; composing the wedding script per El Dorado County regulations; My view of Buddha as I hide in my duvet with a heating pad on my tummy; One of Maggie's  gifts to me yesterday.

May 8, 2016

After finally falling asleep, my ear still ringing from the thunderous roar of Hips fans, I slept fitfully.  Not all is right in my World right now, for reasons unknown to me.  At 6:17, I was awoken by my Girl-breakfast-in-bed in hand.  She had awoken at 5:20 to get breakfast made before I habitually arose from bed. That child is One In a Million.

A few hours later, I checked on The Boy- he was  in the kitchen, preparing to cook himself bacon for breakfast.  My Girl was still sleeping – she had made another entrance to give me Mother’s Day gifts before excusing herself once more for sleep.  I turned around and went to my room, doing something I haven’t done in years.  I cried.  I’m not sure what is going on – I have never experienced anxiety in the way I have as of late, but it was the actual sobbing-catch-your-breath-as-more-tears-fall crying and it was oddly comforting. I was just dozing off to sleep as there was a loud BANG! on the door, and in walked Ethan with breakfast-in-bed #3 (he’d made my first one last weekend, knowing Maggie would make mine this morning) – bacon and a bacon omelet. 

 

We managed to get dressed around two and headed out in Lizzie to the park with the dogs, where we played for a good hour the dogs.  My sister called and we spoke for a half hour.  I am so torn – I miss her so much!  Since about age 17, I haven’t had a close relationship with my family and even after my father’s death, it took a couple of years, but we are now so close and I cherish that relationship so.  I want to be that crazy aunt to her kids like Tanti was to me.  As we were leaving the park, the Maggie asked me how many more days on this Whole30 and I told her.  “Maybe that's why you cried this morning...because you miss Mexican food.  It just had deeper meaning than you realized.”  That girl may be on to something.

We dropped the dogs off at home and headed to the store where I saw many men grabbing flowers and fancy dinners for their loves.  How the circle closes: I would come here with baby Ethan and here he was asking me about the clutch on the bus and Maggie is sharing how she and three of her friends are planning on driving Lizzie down to Coachella someday.  Ummm….nope.  I cooked us a very fancy dinner as we watched half of “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World”.  A simple day, but a day with my kids.  

And so – my anxiety.  I realize the timing of this is may very well be related to stopping my SSRI (which I took for depression which began shortly after my TBI). The extreme anxiety I experienced yesterday at the fest has been occurring at just about every music show I’ve gone to.  Despite what those who know me well may think, it is terrifying for me to be alone at shows, but I go anyway, because eventually I see someone I know or the music starts and I float away. I’m going to state that as much as I love being alone, I HATE being alone and I worry I am pushing myself into further isolation.   Like an idiot, I bought another ticket this morning to an event – despite the fact that I don’t fit in.  This exposure therapy isn’t really working, yet I keep doing it, despite. I want to thank those people who helped me yesterday at the fest and Andrea this morning – you mean the extra more world to me.   It has been three days short of two months since I stopped my 5-a-Day (don’t think I haven’t noticed that timing with my stress, as well), and I have missed it.  Happy Day to all women out there, because whether we’ve birthed a child or not, the majority of us mother in some form or fashion.

Pictures: Our Mother's Day shot...and the practice-makes-perfect shots.

March 11, 1016

A rainy morning – definitely a cowboy boot day.

Glided into work, feeling good.  There are FEW plans for this weekend, which I like.  Lots of calls and sessions.  I like the supervisor.  He’s a funny guy.

At 3, I was out – bought some Einkorn flour (yes, bad plans), went to the GO for some groceries.  This is where the homeless folks who frequent this area come when it’s raining…their pungent smells as they shuffle around with grocery carts -  trying to stay dry for just a little bit.  I don’t know what they do with the items they put in that cart because they have no cash to buy them.  I have learned about homeless pride though – and so I go about my way.

 

Once home, I threw an Amy’s pizza in the oven and concocted my cranberry magic (just a little piece).  One second thought, I shouldn’t have thrown that butter in the mix – it had garlic in it, which I discovered when I ate the CC.

Gathering items for Hipnic.  My 4 days of heaven– more like 3 this time because of Brian and Lindsay’s wedding that Monday, but that’ll be nice, too. 

Pictures: A boot day; I need a bigger bus; Reading The Body Keeps The Sccore, by Bessel Van Der Kolk.  VERY interesting on trauma and teh brain.

March 10, 2016

4:38 – WHY do I bother going to bed early?  Dropped my babies off at school after an incredible morning.  My boy will be 14 on Sunday – Hope he has fun with L.

Off to work where there were a few referrals.  I enjoy this facility – I enjoy these kids.  I know I won’t make a huge impact or change in their lives, but I hope that just for a moment, they will see that someone really cares about them.

Supervision with a social worker at work – this man is incredible and I really like him.  He is so knowledgeable in his field – plus he and I share something in common.  

I headed home, exhausted.  It was a long 10 hour day, but I had this thought of sushi in my mind.  I went to my place – and got to listen to men talk about shooting elephants and women talking about make-up – one topic so disturbing and the other topic so vapid.

Home where I spoke with a real estate agent who was recommended to me by J-Berr, my gangsta colleague.  Wheels are rolling.

Pictures: One of the most stunning sights I've seen of Wicked Tree this morning - so breathtaking; I can't wear these in here...; This makes me think of my "grown up" Ethan.

March 9, 2016

Yoga is SO GOOD for my body.  I stretch, my body feels happy – the appetite is resuming healthily.  I’ve always known it was the answer.

This morning was a CRB morning with some “Burn Slow” because holy hell my heart is hurting. I wanted SO BADLY to give my kids this incredible perspective of Europe – of seeing life differently than is this blinder-led life of frickin’ El Dorado-Hickville-County (is it obvious I am nota fan?). 5 more years in this place and I’m out.  Shit…5 more years…  

Client didn’t show, so I called mom to check in, checked in with parents of other clients – all sorts of grown-up responsible stuff.  I think today is an extension of yesterday’s grownupness. A colleague then uttered a sentence which threw everything into “WOW”ness: "I can't put down a V code under Axis I as a primary, can I?"  That’s a damn fine sentence, colleague.  Thank you.

Rush to juvie for a LONG meeting, rush back to NM for a new client assessment, and then…

Home.  Where my beloved son made baked chicken for me.  No sides (he said I didn’t have anything..guess that white brain-looking hunk of something was playing hid & seek again), but that’s ok, as I didn’t have time to eat my spinach leaves at work, so I had that.  Sold my Hips ticket to a friend to prepare for my big SF night out with my girl.  It’s all good.

Picture: Again - no pics today, so here is last night's fun: creating VW bus stickers.  Jesus is pronounced in teh Spanish form as I have a love affair with Mexican food.  Hell, yes.

March 8, 2016

An early departure so Mags could pick up some doughnuts for friends (and herself).  On the way we listened to classical music, which we have been doing as of late – the boy tends to lean towards Russian folk influence.  The girl is open to any style, I think. 

Busy day today – oh my….  Site work, which notified me of an IEP on Monday.  I think my Mondays’ off are no more – I’m throwing myself into this to emerge myself as much as I can.  

A tele-psych session with a long-ago classmate who struggles with many issues.  Suddenly this grown-up lady who knew what she was talking about emerged from my mouth.  Like I told Trish at the school site – “I’m doing all sorts of grown-up things today….”

A quick pick up and drop off so I could meet my late clients at work.  I’m thinking I need to add a bit of fun in there for the young one.  

At home I sat with the boy (the girl was busy and didn’t come out to greet me for 3 hours).  We looked at various houses for sale.  I’m wondering about foreclosure homes or a fixer-upper with is now bank-owned.  I’ve never bought a home before.  Holy shit, so much grown-upness in one day.

Picture: I took none today  -this was a screen shot of what Ethan is looking for (birthday is coming up) which I texted to L, which Ethan saw.  I have lost my sneaky abilities.