Mornings have changed so much since the kids have created
their own routines.
It isn’t as hurried,
as rushed, w
e all do our own thing. Today, we grooved a little to some Bob Marley, then we left.
On the way - The Weeknd's song "Can't Feel My Face" came on, which I absolute adore because it has such a great beat. I told the kids from the get-go that it was about cocaine, but then I sing and dance to it every time, like a Solid Gold dancer, minus the gold Lamé. Maggie giggled and said that of all the pop song, I love the one about drugs. I like these kids.
I know everyone loves their kids, but I like mine,
too.
I think they are really
responsible, good kids with character and integrity.
I like that.
After I got back, I started house-hunting. It’s a bit
worrisome, considering that I’ve been looking for a few weeks, there aren’t new
listings popping up.
This could cause
troubles.
The site I signed for after
talking to Josh Friday night showed me one I hadn’t seen on the webpage, so I
called.
It was nearby, so I left to go
look at it – it was…almost perfect.
Well, location wise, yes – it’s in a nearby valley, there’s a lovely
tree in the back.
I hugged the tree. I
talked to it.
I
also ate some cherry
tomatoes which had been forgotten.
I’ll cross
fingers and tour it tomorrow..
I dropped by The Bookery to sell back my 54 philosophy books and many others. It hurts my heart, but.... At home I called about another house, but they
told me I was $432 short of making three times as much income to qualify.
I said thanks and hung up – didn’t even think
about child support, so I’ll call them back tomorrow.
It’s good to get on as many lists as possible.
It wasn’t long before it was time to head off
to school.
Scratch that, personal
therapy (it’s near my school).
As I
drove I listened to the Ted Talks Radio Hour and the topic was… OpenSource,
which I appreciate very much.
It’s the sharing
of ideas and helping one another – it is the collective instead of the individual.
I think about before the Internet and what Life Was Like – we went to a library, we looked in Encyclopedias or books for
information, we talked to librarians.
Now, we go to our
laptops.
I miss the Dewey Decimal System
and writing out reports by hand.
The
sense of accomplishment seemed different because it was more time-consuming to
gather facts.
Now it is done with the touch
of a hand. It's good, of course, but it's also helped quell our collectivism - we can now do it all ourselves. This part I don't like so much.
Therapy was interesting.
It always is.
This woman digs and
analyses, which I like to do, myself.
Connect G to A somehow…think until you see the connection.
Today – I told her of my constant “never
finished”, always feeling I’m running behind.
There is something behind me, like a light over my head and it pushes me
forward.
It guides me – because I’m not
sure where I’m going, only that I’m not finished yet – far from it.
I will never be one of those who is satisfied…I
have to continue.
She asked me if I’m
running away from something to go to CH – no, I’m not.
I’ve asked myself that very question, but I’m
not running from, I’m running to.
Off to
school then to drop off hours and I saw Wendy.
Talked to her for a while, which is so nice.
She made a good suggestion.
Talk to L- the kids can stay in the old house
and I'll sleep in the bus.
Sounds good
to me;
All I need is an extension cord
and I'm good.
Then Weber showed up. Poor guy...he thought he was done with me and here I am, 5 days later. I asked if he offered a doctorate degree and he said no. Humph. No more school with some favorite people.
Headed home and the single plume of smoke I'd seen became
two and one was massive - I checked on scanner-nothing - but an odd audio interference. I checked Yubanet
once I got home nothing there, either. I
kept looking and saw it was a prescribed burn. I guess The Powers That Be are fairly confident we will have rain Wednesday.
Packed up the bus a bit after talking to a neighbor. She saw the sign, the packing. It'll be so sad leaving this neighborhood:
Brent, Sandy, Terry, Stephanie, Steve, Carol, Bill and Judy. What an incredible group of people. Lizzie and I headed back to
storage. My heart has been heavy since
getting home earlier and I'm not sure why.
Such a sorrow within, I feel as if I've been weeping all day. Being in Lizzie cheered me up, though. This bus
is a friend to me, which is really weird.
One drop off to storage and then I needed peanut butter, so to the store
I went…and there they were: cranberries. My world just exploded (I had written to Jake
earlier today asking if he had divorced me since I wasn’t there but I was
packing up/moving my whole house so did that count as weights?) He had responded as I was entering the store, assuring me all was good and yes, moving a house solo counts as weights. Universe has a wicked sense of humor. **This is the severity of my love life** When
I posted a picture of the cranberries and wrote “it happened” a friend 2,000
miles away thought I meant sex. I
responded no…that (my chance for sex)
was hit by an asteroid, the Sun was blocked, and it (my chance) had died. Silver lining: I really don’t even need to
shave my legs in the summer.
I bought all
the necessities for CC and some scented candles. Dessert and candles: My world really has exploded. At home, I easily and effortlessly made the cranberry crunch
then soaked in the tub for a bit. My
back is hurting a lot. I really am
foolish in moving these boxes alone yet I’m
not sure I’ll ever learn.
In honor of OpenSource, here is the recipe I created many years ago. I've held onto this recipe only sharintg it with two parties who were sworn to secrecy, hoping someday I could do something with it, like be on Good Morning America with Joan and Charlie, but that clearly won't happen. If YOU end up on Good Morning America, will you at least mention my name and see if I can be at the taping? Enjoy. xo
Cranberry Crunch
Preheat oven to 375. In a bowl, combine half a bag of cranberries, a full container of sweetened condensed milk, and lemon zest from a whole lemon.
In a large bowl, combine 3/4 cup butter with 1 1/2 cups biscuit mix (I use BisQuick but they all work - one day I'll figure out how to make it from homemade ingredients), and stir until mostly mixed. Then add cranberry mixture and spread into a buttered 9 x 9 inch baking pan.
In a smaller bowl, combine the other 1/2 cup biscuit mix, 1/2 cup brown sugar and 2 tablespoons butter and sprinkle over cranberry crunch. *Trick - I add more butter and more brown sugar because it's just good, common sense.
Add walnuts if you so desire (FYI: these put the "crunch" in Cranberry Crunch, yet also keeps Maggie from eating it, a win/win)
Bake 70 minutes (though I take it out after an hour due to our oven, so know your oven!).
Sauce: in a sauce pan, combine 1/2 cup sugar, 1 tblsp cornstarch, 1 tsp cinnamon, 1/2 tsp nutmeg and add cold 1/2 cup water. Add the remaining half of cranberries. Cook it over medium low heat until it thickens and cranberries are exploding in gleeful joy, then pour over the baked goodness of Fall.
If sharing this recipe doesn't help me lose weight, I'll be really angry.
I woke up with a hole in my heart: that the one good thing I’ve
ever created I gave away…but really, what would I have down with it (coffee
shop with desserts and therapy, right, Susan?).
In all honesty – as I told my friend Conrad this morning, I want to
shift…I want to change. My world is on a
HUGE course of change right now, and so it is time to give away freely, or much
more freely than I am accustomed to. A fear
I hold onto is one brought to me about almost twenty years ago (coming this January). I was sober and alive – but I was
homeless. I was so happy, but I also
lived in fear of not knowing, little safety, so I clung to things – to stuff, like a
security blanket. I still have that
coffee mug I was given once I was able to secure my very first studio apartment
after many months – and...I’ve collected similar meaningful items. But now I am ok…aren’t I? I’ll find a home, won’t I? So, it shall be all right…ok, to give away,
right? First we begin with the Cranberry
Crunch.
Overcast skies greeted me as I sped off to supervision. I found a letter in my mailbox at work,
beginning with the words… “it is with great excitement that I welcome you…” and
thus, I was granted paid employment at
my home of 11 months beginning November 2.
It isn’t much…it won’t be much, but the experience and the clientele I
have worked/am working/will work with can be topped by none. I worked on paperwork and hour times after
supervision and then at 11:45, it was time….
Back to work and I GOT A CALL FROM THE CPS WORKER! This is
good! Now , maybe things will roll
along. To be fair – it isn’t fair to
blame (as a whole) these agencies…people (like myself) generally do these
because we care and want to help – to make a difference. What trips us up is all the legislative bullshit
red tape. Headed out to
see a client, headed back AFTER seeing client (and presenting a train book
