match .com

I am not sure what happened to me last night... I know I wasn't under the influence of anything, other than lunacy, perhaps?? I signed up on Match.com. I suppose I am the ideal candidate for online dating: I am shy around people & tend to isolate. But really?? Online dating??! I know of  a few friends who swear by these sites - they have met, fallen in love, et cetera,et cetera. I am happy for these people. Really, I am. I also have 4 friends who have become engaged in the last month, and again, many salutations, but I doubt it will happen to me.

 I have a dear friend in my life and we have been each others life vests for while now. We had both experienced devastating break ups and happened to find each other at that time. I believe God puts people in our lives to help us through difficulties or teach us lessons. I keep learning many. As of late, someone else was put in my life so that I could see what I have been doing through a different perspective; suddenly I saw what I have done to my friend: He has been kept on  the back burner because he is comfortable, he is forgiving...and I am so wrong for doing that to him.

 I belong to a group of people who were dying. We feel it is imperative to make living amends for the wrongs we have done.When I look at my behavior with this friend, I am ashamed. There is a continued effort to make things right in my life & to not keep making the same mistake repeatedly, and so, with the perspective I was given on Christmas I will do my damnedest to make things right.


Which leads me right back to Match.com. Maybe that guy with the hundreds of beads around his neck and a site-name akin to "lookin for a good time" is the guy for me...or maybe not. Someone once told me I have loved and been loved a great deal, and I do have these two beautiful kids in my life, one of whom keeps trying to set me up, so far with a newly-separated smoker (he's not even divorced yet!!) and a gay man. sigh... Maybe I'll through caution to the wind and add my picture/profile to the site, and maybe not. It isn't as if once I walk through one door, it forever closes, does it?