October 31, 2014

Comatose this morning, but thank god it was Friday.  Naturally Mags got me started when the clothes she put in the dryer last night were still wet this morning.  The dryer is broken??  NOW??!!  On a Friday?  On HALLOWEEN???  But it turns out she only set the dryer to fluff.   No questions from Ethan, which surprised me, and he got right to chopping parsley, onions, whipping up eggs, pouring olive oil in the pan…then made the best fluffy omelets.  Then Maggie followed suit and made her own delicious, fluffy omelet.  My dad woulda been so proud.

 Headed to work with a  beautiful forecast of rain ahead:  a dark, stormy, Halloween night, but first…the grindstone.  It was a good day, a little acting up, but in c102, that’s to be expected.  We finished up Hotel Rwanda – what a beautiful country, and what horrific tragedy.  I have a book about the genocide, need to finish reading it (it was too much).

Picked up the kids, dropped off Mags at her friend’s house and then... It Began.  He wanted to go hang out with his friends – because everybody else was going out tonight, and I don’t understand, and I’m a crappy parent, and no wonder my mom hates me, and the brain damage from the car accident must have been very bad…. and, and, and.  I told him firmly that he may not disrespect me,  The words didn’t really bother me…I remember (after my head injury, of course) saying the most hateful words I could to my parents.  But I was 16/17, I had just experienced a traumatic brain injury.  Ethan is just pissed because he isn’t getting his way and I’m not a yeller. In fact, this entire time, I spoke as calmly (calmer, actually) as if we were talking about whole versus 2% milk.   I just gave him the bottom line - you can't change what you've been doing for months in 2 days and you have to show me your efforts.    I went to pick up a few things for our evening – much to his chagrin.  I went to video stores (both closed and out of business) trying to find The Pacific mini-series.  Nothing.  So, we headed home…

…Where I started cooking, and ate.  Ethan also came out of his room and announced to me he wanted to go meet said friends down the street.  I said Nope.  He questioned what else could I do that I wasn’t already doing.  I said it would get a lot worse.  He said there was nothing more I could do, headed out and said, “See ya later!” in quite a snarky tone.  And thus, the game continues.   I called the friend Ethan was to meet, let the boy know Ethan had diobeyed me and left without permission and he was grounded now and could not hang out.  Then I called L and let him know what was going on….  After 15 minutes, when Ethan returned, as I was talking to my work partner, asking her about juvenile hall.  Then I called L back and let him know (loudly) about the juvenile hall options the next time E chooses not to listen.    Then I walked into Ethan’s room and let him know what would take place and that his choices will change now.  Not a word from him.  I understand now what my mom meant when she said how difficult it was  to tell your kids no and to discipline them.  I also understand her frustration and concern when I acted like I did.  So here is my karma.  I’ve been waiting for you….

And so…a Friday night alone, with an angry, frustrated boy in his room.  I’ve been watching Dexter – decided to re-start at season 1 since I never got past season 3.  I’m feeling a great deal of pain, mostly because I ate too much cranberry crunch, but if I drink some hot lemon water, I might feel better.     Not one trick-or-treater, but a hell of a nightmare.  Thank god I’ve wet my teeth with this behavior daily in C102.  

Pictures: A fantastically delicious ghost doughnut Swerner brought to C102; The glorious trees at work....

October 30, 2014

It seemed unusually calm this morning, as there was a mild attitude.  Later. this made complete sense to me when I heard the question, "So, I need some feedback.  Can so & so spend the night tomorrow?"    “No.  First, you didn't clean your room, which I’ve asked you to do twice…"  "I can do that tonight!"  "No.  I asked Monday.  Second, your attitude with homework last night didn't cut it and it looks like your attitude really hasn’t changed much."  It is hard being the bad parent.


I felt so dizzy, as if I were on something. It's been this way most of the day.  Strange.  I spent every free moment I had writing the five page paper that was due tonight for my class: scribble a paragraph here, look up a reference there and scribble down another paragraph.  Not my best work, certainly, but at least the paper was done when it was due,  which is good considering the expectations of our instructor.  It was interesting and taking another personality test which I've done many times in the past, to see that my personality type is the idealist: The idealist is described  as enthusiastic,  trust their intuition, yearns for romance,  seeks their true self,  prizes meaningful relationships and dreams of attaining wisdom.  That first sentence describes me and everything that is important to me.  Idealists pride themselves on being loving, kindhearted and authentic.  They tend to be giving,  trusting, spiritual are focused on personal journeys and human potential.  Lastly, they make intense mates nurturing parents and inspirational leaders.   I don't know about the last one, but I agree with the rest.  There's a lot of truth to these tests when they are answered honestly.

I picked up the kids not knowing what to expect but everything went fairly smoothly and once we got home,  he asked when he could have his iTouch back.   I let him know when he gets his grades up to a C, which means turning in assignments and doing better on tests.  He made himself an omelets for dinner, it so delicious &  fluffy I can't make omelets like that… I just call mine scrambled omelets  because they never end up right. I made Maggie noodle soup for dinner but she doesn't like it as much unless I call it Nudel Suppe (German).


I headed to class; a usually 45 minute drive took me an hour and a half.  It was back-to-back traffic

all the way to campus. Assignments were due at the beginning of class, so I'm grateful that I stumbled cross and checked out the syllabus last night.  It was a looonnng class: no break.  Semi interesting.

Once I got home, I noticed his room.  Very clean, even vacuumed. This is the tough part, but no.  When he asks me tomorrow morning if friends can come over, the answer won't change, because that's not how life works.  There are rarely do-overs... You have to give it your best the first time.  Hopefully it'll pour and we can rent Pacific.  Sweet Mags just  practiced her book report in front of me a few times and I gave her some tips on accents, eye contact and keeping her voice loud enough so everyone could hear. I think she'll do exceptionally well.  She gets to spend the night tomorrow night.  It was a good day. 

Pictures:  A Giants orange greeting this morning as I went outside.  Beautiful particles all day long; So long until next year, sweet Giants.  See you in March for the Cactus League; My assignments for the next 2 months - it's gonna be busy.

October 29, 2014 World Series Champions

Tired day.  Exhausted and horrified from the 10-0 loss last night against the Royals, and fearfully hopeful that today ends up differently.  The day was a long one, indeed. I saw the most beautiful clouds in the sky, and there was an ethereal feel to the day.  Reds in the tree tops appeared darker, the lime green colors where stronger and the sky’s blue was deeper.  

Picked up my children and went to their classrooms as today was Continent Party day.  I spoke with a favorite teacher and saw many parents whom I haven’t seen in years.  I even, shockingly (to me) spoke with someone whom I have had many difficulties with over the years and actually enjoyed the conversation.  Huh.

Home to the Beginning:  the beginning of homework, the 7^th game of the World Series, the onset of The Game.  At school today I had spoken tone of Ethan’s teacher’s who said, point blank that the kids he is sitting with  don’t care if they fail and they are sucking Ethan right down with them, that he is unable to accomplish work when he is with them as all they do is talk.  So, tonight, as we were sitting, and starting work (much to his chagrin) on the next subject, having finished one, I let him know that he is responsible for his choices and he needs to start making different ones about who he works with.  I was very precise and specific.  There was no yelling from him, no tears…only silence, as he sat in the same chair all evening, not doing his work.  And so, the homework was there, the game proceeded, as The Game (stand-off, of sorts), began.  No, Ethan.  You can’t watch videos.  The computer is for homework which needs to be finished.  And so the screen sat, unused.  The boy sat, unused.  

 For so long I had looked forward to, stressed over, donated my fingernails to the Giants/Royals game, yet tonight, an hour or so after the game ended, Maggie realized and asked, “Is the game over?!!  Who won?”  “The Giants won…” I answered quietly.  “But you didn’t even ‘Woo-hoo!’”  “Nope.  I didn’t even ‘Woo-hoo!’”

So I finished some of my work, though I still have a paper due tomorrow night before class.  We’ll see how that goes.  My boy is silent.  We didn’t carve pumpkins tonight nor listen to the game as a family.  Instead the two of us sat in front of a Mac.  “I wanted to carve pumpkins and listen to the game, too, Ethan.  But I can’t let that happen if this isn’t done first.”  Sometimes being responsible doesn’t feel so great.  Congrats, Giants.

Pictures:  The most amazing cloud formation I have seen; a glorious tree; the precious hands of a Young One...so many Adventures lie ahead of him.  Thank you for letting me hold him, Katie xo

October 28, 2014

A beautiful morning, an early morning.  A Grateful Dead morning.  It was a light, kinda mood.  Got all geared up in Giants clothing, as is only proper for Game 6 day.  My Mophie was ready to charge my phone tonight should it be low on juice.  

The school day was interesting.  Lots of work for Steph and I as the sub sat around and checked out her iPhone.  Interesting.  Maybe I should quit and become a substitute teacher, since it’s such an easy gig…but then reality sets in.  I can’t do that! I’ve taught for most of my years in education and I couldn’t live with myself if I did that.   Was given two lovely roses in Giants colors from my Kindred Spirit – it’s nice to be appreciated.  I also had the opportunity of getting the flu shot which I missed a few weeks ago.  Last year I felt quit ill after receiving it, but this year, in looking back on the day, I have so much adrenaline rushing through my body for various reasons, that despite initial fever-flush feelings and congestion-likeness, I think I’ll be ok.

Picked up the kids to head home…where the landlord was (new security door was being installed).  Ergggh.  I didn’t want to see him because I knew I couldn’t ignore how I felt about his claims.  Sure enough, my big mouth opened as I wanted to defend myself and we talked.   He talked about caring for the outside of the house and I mentioned redoing the front yard, the back yard and the bathroom (which is inside, true).  He spoke of being able to rent a uhaul trailer for $19 a day and hauling the stuff away. I mentioned his duct tape job on the window.  He mentioned the broken (old) blinds due to my using a fan. He mentioned he could charge a lot more for this house.  I agreed (sometimes humility is best)   Essentially, we came an agreement and shook hands.  I got my kids set and organized, spoke with Ethan regarding required homework and headed off to class.

The game started on the way to class.  It was a sad day to be going to class (I initially believed).  In class, I continued listening for a bit until class began.  Our professor is quite a learned man – in fact, he specialized in traumatic brain injuries (!) in his long path in psychology.  The class was a small gift, for I sat and watched as we (the Giants) took a long plunge into the depths of ultimate loss.  10-0.  Oh wow.  Kim is going to let me have it tomorrow (she is a Dodger fan and we enjoy teasing one another).  Still, my head nearly exploded as terms I had not heard since 1999 (undergrad) in stats class at University of La Verne.  

I headed home.  The long drive in which I listened for some explanation – any explanation as to why the loss was so severe.  Mags said to let them know when I was turning onto our street and when I got home, both kids were at the door.  Ethan took my bags and keys, Maggie asked me to remove my shoes and put on the slippers she had set up , then they led me into the dimly-lit kitchen, where Maggie turned on the Mac to my iTunes and played Sinatra as I looked and saw a piece of cranberry crunch that Maggie had made for me and tall cup of hot Chai.  I squeaked, jumping up and down over their awesome-radness.  What a blessed woman am I to have such glorious children.  After the crunch, Ethan and I did a little more of the homework and then they went to bed.  My heart is still beaming.

Pictures: My flu-shot arm; Notes from a mind-numbing class; What I came home to (my glorious children). <3