Septmember 30, 2015

I had a perfect night of sleep.  No freaky dreams, no alarm clocks, no warm temps, instead my duvet cradled me in its arms and made sure I slumbered.  I enjoyed my coffee, my eggs and spinach (it’s a way of life now since the possibility of mouse results in no bread for my PB bread).  The dogs were happy, the clouds were gray, and life was good. 

Life got much, much better with the soft yet persistent tapping of rain on the roof began.   This was a dream come true.  I sat outside and recorded the sound for a bit – I have to have it on a soundbite to soothe me when I need that little peace.  I headed to work for group supervision.  We were close to being done when I got an email.  There was “an incident” with Ethan at school and it broke my heart.  Not really such a big deal, but his reactions show me that there is a self-fulfilled prophecy and he is damn sure doing his best to make sure it comes true.

I couldn’t stay at work after group was finished and headed to school as I figured talking to him and the teachers in person would be the best thing to do.  The front office called for Ethan and we headed to my car, where we sat and talked.  Correction, I (mostly) talked. Ethan listened.  And then I stopped talking.  Why?  Because it isn’t my problem.  How he behaves and the consequences he received are his problem.  I need to learn my job as facilitator better, so I can help support him in the choices he makes (both good and not-so-good behaviors).  One thing I won’t do is ignore it.  Just because it isn’t my problem doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect me tremendously:  this is my kid and I remember those same horrible teen days very, very well.  Constantly making the wrong choices and then having to clean up the mess (and oh, my – they were HUGE messes). Ethan and I made the rounds – first to the dean of students, then to the teacher involved with “The Incident”.  I don’t know if that was good or not, but I feel you have to go back and cross your t’s and dot your I’s and that is what this is about, approaching the issue, not just going home and hoping it goes away.  I want to teach him to solve problems.

I left him in his dad’s care (with a lot of coaxing to dad about his powerful body language and how intimidating it is) and headed back to my work tribe since I had a client at 5.  I also made phone calls to our county rep who handles homeless youth. After the client, as we all sat in the office with the beautiful overcast sky looking at us from outside, I felt Joy.  There we were, all paperworking, but it was so beautiful.

This carried on into my trip to the store…it was almost like walking in a slow-motion film - you notice the smallest of things and those sites are so Perfectly Life.  The smile from the pharmacist as he talks on the phone, a women smiling at her three year old son, who is sitting in the shopping basket .  I headed home, where I ate some fruit….which was in a tart, and felt all-the-healthier for caring for my nutritional needs.  Yay, me.

Pics 'n flicks: CBT notes for Weber (ugh); Horses by Ethan's school; The Clouds looking in to our office; Raindrops <3 i="">

September 30, 2015

I slept deeper than I have in some time…and my mind knew it.  I dreamt I was dying because I had taken propofol just like Michael Jackson had and now it was too late.  What a horrible feeling!  On the brighter side, my cough has been silenced and my body now has a chance to repair itself. 

I was so tired I texted my supervisor and was able to delay our session, which is good.  I got an entire 12 hours of sleep last night.  When I did finally awake, I worked on translating the letter I had received from the Swiss Geschäftsstelle Psychologieberufekommission, which is essentially the Office of Psychological  occupations committee.  If what I have read and been told thus far is correct, my degree should transfer over and I will be recognized as a psychologist, provided I work in offices which require such schooling.  It is dependent upon the canton and work site.  Of course, CH has many, many, many professional who work in research, clinical, etc and have doctorate upon doctorate, but their classification system is a bit different.  I’ll learn more as I interpret those 4 mile-long words.

 

I went into work and worked a bit on the Capstone.  I feel Weber is nit-picking on a few things which weren’t mentioned in the first go-round.  It’s ok – I get it…the man is holding on to my charming personality for as long as he can, right?  I’ll call CAMFT (CA Assoc. of MFTs)  tomorrow and get legal standings on a 14 year old’s rights in terms of confidentiality.  Met with Susan and we discussed clients, etc, then out to write up notes.  I met with my client-who-has-returned and am devastates at the level of sorrow and a world which has been flipped upside down.  Suddenly a step-parent is gone, and homelessness is now an issue.  My role has changed from therapist to a social worker as I try to case manage and provide resources to this broken family.

Off to Parent Project (which also has its fair share of devastating stories).  It isn’t always that a kid goes down the wrong path because of abuse or neglect issues…sometimes all it takes is losing your heart to the wrong person – someone who does drugs.  My god, I’m keeping an eye on my kids when they are beginning to date people.  

My first art therapy class begins on October 1 – looking forward and I will continue my Nurtured Heart lesson tomorrow before group therapy.  I’m looking into adding as much as I can to see what could be useful in Switzerland.  I’m pumped up again about that.  It must’ve been the Folsom chestnuts.  

Pictures: I shan't lie, I took no pictures today, yet here is a Nature Montage ~ The succulents sit in my window ledge at work, the sunflower is also at work, the moss was on a hike.  

Septemeber 27. 2015

Once again, the boy was up being responsible with showers when I awoke.  It wasn’t long til we were all up getting ready for our day.  Mags had this rad hippie maiden/grunge rocker hairstyle, but she didn’t like it so she took it down.  I carted the kids off to school and…came home.  First thing I did was call the doctor because this cough is going nowhere. 10:30 and I’d go in.  Nora had contacted me and said she could pick up Ethan, would get him a snack and then work with him.  Oh my goodness, from whence did this angel come?  I cannot say how relieved I am to know there is someone else out there who can help me teach this boy what an incredible kid he is.  Tremendous, to say the least.  

I headed to the doctor and naturally, the lungs sound great, everything is peachy fucking pie except I am dry-coughing my guts outs (and occasionally a little pee if the cough is fierce enough).  No reason for antibiotics so here, let’s give you prescription strength cough syrup.  Fine, fine fine.  I just am tired of this cough.  Jake doesn’t even remember me and I can’t sit in bed without coughing, much less go work out.  Off to the pharmacy..wait, wait, wait it’ll take 1.5 hours to make, see you then and home I go.  

I started my Nurtured Heart Approach lessons here.  This is a program which I have heard rave reviews about and thus, I began.  Add the art therapy, plus this never ending Capstone (yes, I got it back again and just can’t seem to get it going) and I’m quite busy filling this skull of mine.  While I listened, I cut up more picks for collages.  I actually cut up my very first book ever for the pictures and some phrases.  I was waiting for the lightning strike.  Soon it was time to leave again.  I thought I’d head to pharmacy, then a few more chores and client, right?  WRONG.  It seems the physician had never called in the order, (this is the 4^th time this has happened at this doctor’s office.  I should really find a new one but that means more time).  I drove down to the doctor’s office, told them this happened again and headed to work, where sweet Ruth listened to me bitch and complain about people not doing their job.  Then I switched it to white people.  I think I’m becoming pretty anti-white, which is funny as I’m pale with blue eyes  

Met my client and when I came out, Ruth had left me some Latino magazines (one with Julio Iglesias, whom I had a tremendous crush on when I was about 16) and a homemade anti-cough recipe with fresh oregano and garlic.  

Back to the pharmacy where I stood at the window for 10 minutes (no exaggeration) as they got medicine, eventually, tried to understand how to ring me up, and more.  I just waited. You can’t do anything.  I wanted to cry, but could not.  Then I asked the lady how she was and she said that despite 10 years of working there, she was looking for a different job – just too much stress and unjoy.  There is too much unjoy in this country, in this world, I think. Too much pressure to do more for less and have kore with less. I headed to the store to go get oregano and bumped into Scott Rist.  I think this guy, of anyone in this town understands my need to get out of here – he is an expat too, but like me he hasn’t exited yet.  Then - I am not kidding – the register at the damn check-out line was under too much stress! This day needs to go away.  

I finally had my cough syrup – I made oregano garlic tea and ate left overs.  Now I’m going to bed early because today has sucked except for the fact that CH things are looking good for the moment, however I understand about Ebb and Flow and realize this shall change.So my last part of 5 a day is sitting on me bed, hearing crickets cricketing as a plane flies overhead.  Dogs are scrunching on my bed and the room is a mess with magazine snippets everywhere; my life has some rad people in it who keep showing up to high five me some magic when I need it.  Thank you Nora, Scott, Stacey, Delfos, Weber,

 Ursula, Marco, etc.

Pictures:  At the Dr's this a.m., so ready for CH; Nurtured Heart; Oregano & garlic tea...

September 27, 2015

Late last night, an army of ants scurried busily in my bathtub, gathering water I think.  I looked at them, and let  them be.  This morning when I awoke, they were gone.  I like that – letting them be.   I also noticed that 7:17 meant I could still sleep a bit, but by 8:30ish I was up.  I knew Ethan had an appointment at 11 and I was eager to get a start on the day.  There was different feeling in the air today – dare I say a feeling of hope?  I looked through the peep’s posts and decided to write one myself to English speaking jobs in Zurich.  I listed my degrees and stated what my desire was.  Within minutes a few responses were forthcoming – one stated what I wanted to hear:  “Switzerland invests more in social care than any other country on earth.  I guarantee you’ll have a decent job within weeks.”  This is good.  Of course, I need to first have my degrees recognized there, but that can happen.  

Ethan was up around 10 and dressed and ready by 10:30.  He was nervous, but still so willing.  At 11 Nora showed up and came in, introducing herself to Ethan.  I am so grateful she reads this and knows the things I’ve written so she knows what to expect.  Within minutes they were out the door, heading off to explore the antique fair, get to know one another and get some ice cream.  

I have no idea how it gets through, but we know it exists.  We have heard it, Annie barks at it, and one night it ate all of Maggie’s Latvian chocolate (seriously – it took off the lid and ate every chocolate.  Bastard mouse.  But still – how do I get rid of him if I don’t know where he is?  They returned around 12:30 and worked in math together easily for another 45 minutes.  I cannot describe the relief on my heart of someone helping my son in something he has always struggled and most important of all – him not fighting it!   The kids and I had a lovely Sunday lunch of beet salad, pork chips and rösti left-overs, then needed to get going – so much to get done before the eclipse!

First to hospice where I wanted to look for books, magazines, etc for collages.  I am hoping to find some Not White People.    Next to Costco where I picked up my contacts.  We were to meet Chris in Folsom at Karen’s Bakery, where we would celebrate Maggie’s birthday desserting (instead of dinner), but lo and behold!  IT was closed!  I texted Chris and he responded with news:  Rob the Vacuum Dude didn’t have the vacuum today.  Did I need to borrow one?  Oh good golly no!  And this was perfect as the kids and I could adventure, so we headed off.  Maggie decided we would have Snooks’ candy for her desserting and Chicago Fire Pizza for her birthday dinner.  We had the BEST  of times, yet had NO IDEA the delight which was about to manifest.  As we headed back to  the car, Ethan started  trying to get down this very prickly-pokey balls hanging on a tree.  OH MY GOSH, they HURT!  But that kid kept at it.  As we rounded the corner, we say many more which had fallen, some of them dried, and inside, was this curious little item which looked remarkably like a chestnut.  No way, but still, he tried it  - and tasted nothing.  So I grabbed one (I’m sure Yacubian would frown on this) and tired it.  Then I looked it up (brilliant second move). It was.  They were. OH MY GOD!  What we had just been discussing with passion at dinner (once we get to Zurich) was HERE.  Unbelievable.  We loaded up in the car, but then Ethan couldn’t find his candy, so we drive back and looked.  It was nowhere to be found.  I thought about looking for that woman with the baby stroller when I noticed a bulge in Ethan’s pants and asked, “Is it in your pocket?”  “Oh.”  with a laugh.  I think he feels a sense of relief form the prison he has encased himself in and his Joy is shining brightly.

We quickly headed to Target to grab a Soda Stream (Ethan and I are going through too much soda water, I should have done this years ago) and headed up.  OF course there were clouds.  I blame myself.  I told Chris yesterday I would make it be cloudy today and someone listened.  By the time we got home there were clouds all along the back where the moon usually appeared.  I thought for some reason that eclipse time was 7:30 – so we started with the soda stream, roasted some chestnuts and got busy with Doctor Who.   It wasn’t til I noticed a post from my old neighbor that I looked outside, and there She  shone  in all her Glory!  Maggie and I climbed onto the roof (where I could have died).  We oo’d and aah’d (my camera battery was dead) so I took the prerequisite iPhone shot, avec flash, and then “So…had enough?”  “Yep!” and we climbed down again.  Doctor Who entertained us and then the weekend drew to a close.  It was a lovely weekend with my children.  Ethan completed some homework but more importantly found an advocate who can help him with math and himself.  I couldn’t be more thankful.

Pictures:  Figuring out the soda machine; Hanging at Chicago Fire; Folsom shines; Oh, my...what have we here?